There is a whole lot of difference between giving someone an ugly fork™, and covertly assaulting them to a specifically chosen exposure to both real filth, and symbolic contempt in a way that can only be enjoyed in secret. One is a laughing way to respond to the ordinary friction between adults. You probably have some feeling that he will recognize the ugly fork™, if not this time, then perhaps next. It does no harm to him.
The other case is a veiled expression of an absolute contempt. “Eat shit and die.” To anyone who really does this: if you don’t know that you despise your husband, then you will be surprised when he leaves you, probably without a single word of explanation. There are a thousand things you do, not intending to be clever, or covert, that will eventually convince him that you hate him. By then, he will surely hate you as well.
This kind of attitude being endorsed by women and men just pisses me right off. (And for the record, I am a woman.) Women are not always right, they are not the smarter sex, they are not above reproach, they do not make the rules, and they are not the only partner in a marriage with a say in things.
I can’t stand the “Idiot Man-Child” stereotype that we have embraced as a society in recent years, and I can’t stand the “Woman is Always Right” stereotype, either. I’m not always right, and I admit it to my husband when I’m wrong. He does the same for me. There are no “winners” in our fights - if we’ve let things get to such a point that we’re actually fighting, we’re both losers.
I hope there’s a lot of whooshing in this thread, because otherwise I can see why we have such high divorce statistics. I wouldn’t treat an enemy the way some of you apparently are treating the person you’re supposed to love and respect.
I suppose I wasn’t born with an evil mind, but when I’m at my angriest, I move my husband’s bookmarks farther into the book. Seeing his confusion at the incontinuity of the story always makes me chuckle and forgive.
I get your point, featherlou, and I agree with you. Both my wife and I aren’t afraid to stand up for ourselves nor are we afraid to admit guilt.
I will also admit to being fairly clueless about how some of my words or actions may have affected my wife. Saying, “You’re right, I’m wrong and I’m sorry” without really knowing what I’m apologizing for is a quick way to avoid hurt feelings (for her) over something small (to me) and lets my wife know that I care more about her feelings than being right.
When the choice is to argue about whether I really did someting stupid or whether she is just being sensitive over something relatively inconsequential, I find it far better to just let it go. Then I ask her if anything else is bothering her and if there is, we talk about it. If not, I figure I really did do something stupid and life goes on.
I’m the last person to defend this behavior, but nothing in that poster’s confession specified what she did with the toothbrush after cleaning the toilet — perhaps she threw it away. It might be more accurate to say, “knowing he might use the toothbrush, if she didn’t tell him in time.”
To the OP: The beginning of this thread made me laugh. It was lighthearted and cute. Thanks for brightening my day with the now-trademarked UglyFork idea.
To everyone else: Yep, dealing out revenge for marital problems is not good. And I agree that both men AND women should chill out, learn to communicate, and learn the value of a sincere “I’m sorry”.
Now. Can we continue with telling cute, non-horrible stories of minor marital jabs?
