You replace your bumpers more often than your oil. (95%)
You enter your car in a demolition derby and everybody mistakes it for the same car you used in the last one. (98%)
The police have pre-printed tickets with your name on them. (100%)
“Good on ya” everybody. Keep 'em coming. 
Olentzero: Thanks, and glad to meet you. I grew up reading Walt Kelly. He was the best.
You might be a bad driver if…
You see STOP signs as SLOW DOWN, IF YOU WANT signs. (60%)
The light changes from yellow to red five seconds after it does for everyone else. (67%)
You pull a U-turn in a 4-way intersection with cars coming from every direction. (80%)
You take the U-turn too wide and then have to back your car up to make it onto the road. (85%)
Your cell phone causes you to go 20 mph below the speed limit while on an entrance ramp, causing the person behind you to ram you by coming around a blind corner at the POSTED speed limit. (95%)
You merge into the fast lane straight off the entrance ramp before the white line even begins to break. (New England…) (100%)
You use a cell phone while driving, period. (9000%)
I hope all the morons who talk on a cell phone while driving get brain cancer from the damned thing.
Merge, Yield… What’s the difference? (95%)
You know that the lane you’re currently in is closed; but if you can just speed up and get past those last ten cars, you might be able to make it out of this lane and not even need to touch the brake. (99%)
…your car is featured here.
Hey! If you don’t like the way I drive stay off the sidewalk.
You answer a cell phone (80%)
You make a call on a cell phone (90%)
You use a lap top (100%)
(I was almost side-swiped by an SUV driver using a laptop while driving 75mph on a busy freeway, and he was tailgating the car in front of him. I moved away from him quickly.)
You might be a bad driver if
…You drive the speed limit in the leftmost lane of the highway (50%)
…And there are no cars in front of you slowing you down (99%)
…And there are no cops nearby (99.9%)
…And your left turn signal is on (99.99%)
…And you’re talking on your cell phone (99.999%)
…While your dog is in your lap (99.9999%)
…And you’re driving a 17’ Uhaul (99.99999%)
…Pulling a car (99.999999%)
…Or a motorhome (99.9999999%)
This is barely–BARELY–exaggerating what I’ve seen.
You might be a bad driver if
…You slow down near an accident (10%)
…To 1/10 of the speed that you were going before (99%)
…And turn your head either 90 degrees left or 90 degrees right (99.999%)
…And start going 10 mph above the speed limit about 20 feet past the accident (99.999999%)
…And then complain about the rubberneckers (100%)
…And then look in the paper or watch the news to find out if anybody was hurt (you demented sicko)
Nabeel
…if you accelerate when I’m passing you (100%)
…if you drive a SUV (75%)
…if you drive on people’s bumpers constantly (100%)
…if you drive in the fast lane slower than the flow of traffic in the right lane (100%)
…if you think the road = a Nascar track (99.9%)
…if you don’t look when you back up (100%)
…if you change lanes too quickly (85%)
…if you drive around with your turn signal on (95%)
…if you don’t bother to take care of your car, truck, van etc… (90%)
Starbury!
PLEASE submit your Rice Boy car link to Tubadiva! It’s gotta be a Weird Earl! Those cars were F*#@ING FUNNY!
Patty
… A garbage bag is used as a substitute for a window (50%)
… It’s your rear window (75%)
… It’s your front window (100%)
… When your stereo is turned to the minimum setting and you’re still shattering windows (95%) (with apologies to Duke)
… Your idea of cruise control involves bungee cords and a cinder block (99%)
… you wash your car more than yourself (60%)
…You flip me off because you nearly sideswiped me (1000%)
…You pull a u-turn by driving straight across three lanes of traffic and doing a 90-degree turn into the far right lane at 10 mph less than 30 feet in front of a full-size GMC pickup moving at 45 mph (infinite % - I should’a just plowed into him instead of swerving to save his life and damaging the truck in what turned out to be a “one vehicle accident” because I missed him…)
…You slow to 5 mph BEFORE moving over into the left hand turn lane (98%)
…You think stop signs in parking lots are optional (90%)
BTW - my car is about 15% grey primer. Doesn’t mean I’m a bad driver, it just means GM paint jobs from the early '90s sucked. Can’t afford to re-paint it right now. 'Course, it makes it easier to spot my car in a parking lot…
… you let a child sit on your lap and pretend to drive (100%)
… you put on your left turn signal at a light AFTER the car behind you arrives and cannot change lanes (60% - not deadly, just annoying)
… you think your car is a toy to use for joyriding, racing or chasing your friends’ cars (100%)
… you check for cross traffic from the left but not pedestrians or bicyclists from the right when making a right turn (85%)
Anyone who drives a minivan - 90%
Anyone who drives a freakin’ Volvo - 90%
Anyone who thinks that any car listed on the Rice Boy page is faster than my Cobra - 60% (hey, you’re entitled to your own opinion, no matter how wrong you actually are) 
Or, anyone who drives a car on this page - 100%(kinda like the Rice Boy pages).
http://members.home.net/timer1/hilhonda.htm
You might be a Bad Driver if…
You stop for no reason…
In the Rain…
On a bridge…
With no licence…
Or insurance…
With a 20’ length of 2"x4" hanging out the back of the pickup.
You drive the wrong way on a one-way street…(100%)
You then turn across traffic onto the highway…(150%)
In front of oncoming traffic…(200%)
By fifteen feet…(250%)
Then driving over the concrete divider…(300%)
Narrowly avoiding the accident you just caused…(400%)
Then speeding up the highway approximately 20mph over the limit…(500%)
I totalled the first car I ever owned on that one… I was the car behind the one he shot out in front of.
You handle your car exactly the same whether its sunny or raining…(50%)
…Or snowing…(90%)
…Or hailing…(99%)
You tailgate someone who is going 10-15 mph over the limit…(80%)
You then pass that person (98%)
to the right…(99%)
only to get back behind someone going the same speed as the car you just passed…(100%)
You might be a bad driver if…
-
you don’t know what that stick thing on the side of your steering column does (wipers 80%; turn signal 100%)
-
you are of the opinion that a line is a line “Solid, dashed, what’s the difference?!”
-
you have to follow the dashed lines when you turn to know you’re turning into the proper lane (90%)
-
you ignore the dashed lines when you turn and turn into whatever lane you wish regardless of other turn lanes/drivers (100%)
-
you get in the right curb lane so you can turn right on red only to cut in front of everyone else to the far left lane
-
you have a CD hanging from your rearview mirror (unique from other objects hanging on from the mirror, which are also no-no’s in my book, a CD reflects light into the eyes of other drivers)
-
you change lanes two inches off my bumper and then get back over when the lane you WERE in starts going 3 MPH faster than mine
-
your vehicle is at a 45-degree (or more) angle when you change lanes on the highway
-
you use the exit lanes (or merge from on-ramp lanes) to get just a few more cars up in the lane
-
you consider a wave after merging the same as a turn signal before
-
you ignore all the “Right Lane MUST turn Right” signs until you reach the intersection and block an entire lane waiting to get back over
-
regardless of your speed, you feel the need to slow down by at least 10 MPH when you see a police officer who is:
…in traffic 80%
…taking readings on your side of the highway 95%
…taking readings on the opposite side of the highway 97.5%
…taking readings on the opposite side of the highway with a large concrete wall between them 100% -
you feel a need to travel in the Emergency Vehicle’s wake
-
you consistently excellerate more than 5 MPH (and thus cut-off) the instant someone’s turn-signal indicates they want to merge into your lane
-
you turn into a lane of traffic behind someone and cut them off (cutting across behind them 90%; cutting across in front of them 100%)
Wow, I feel better…
You may be a bad driver if…
a) You drive a used, 1960’s era pickup truck or station wagon. 50%
b) If the pickup or station wagon is painted white. 55%
c) If the paint used is latex house paint from Dutchboy. 79%
d) If mor than 15% of the visible surface of the vehicle is not paint, but rust… 99%
If all of the above are correct, then there will inevitably be true that:
- You will have a Confedrate flag displayed prominently, somewhere on your vehicle.
And…
- You will be missing at least 3 teeth.
There is also a 50% chance that you think that your sister is:
You might be a bad driver if . . .
. . . you are driving in front of me (95%)
. . . you are driving behind me (85%)
. . . you are driving in my blind spot (99%)
You might be a bad driver if…
you’re from Massachusetts…
(“New England” is too broad a term…let’s call a Masshole a Masshole…)