If your car has more than six Dale Earnhardt stickers, you might be a redneck.
If your cousin works in the oilfield and ever got a new pair of boots, a case of whiskey, or a new shotgun from a drilling mud salesman, you might be a redneck.
If you live in Lousiana, Oklahoma, or Texas and commute to work in Alaska, you might be a redneck.
(No fair using any material from Jeff Foxworthy)
If your truck has a sticker of Calvin peeing on the logo of a rival truckmaker, you might be a redneck. 
heh, heh…uuuuuh… hey, wait a minute!
If you wear your best straw hat when waiting to git your car towed out of the rivermud, in case the tow driver’s one o’ them there lady tow drivers. 
By The Way - ‘The Derailers’ rock!!! Oops, my crimson cervix is showin’ a leetle bit … but serious-like, folks, run raht out and find yore own self a copy of “Reverb Deluxe” and listen to the that thar track called “California Angel” - if’n that don’t get ya rockin’, yore way too far gone to save!
[ul]
[li]you become a high ranking government official and then have sex with an intern.[/li][li]you honestly don’t know what fully–mowed grass looks like.[/li][li]you complain that “them there varmint teachers be learnin’ my suhn Ollie that no–good eeviloushun!”[/li][li]you have so many chilren you’ve lost count — ten children![/li][li]you keep your rifle with you at all times, just in case someone discoveres your moonshine plant.[/li][li]you regularly use phrases like “hoof it.”[/li][/ul]
You have to take off your shoes and pants to count to 21.
If your tracktor always gets fixed and never your dogs.
You drive the tractor, the one with the umbrella on it, to church on Sunday.
This is your third senior trip.
You and your 17 classmates are counting up all your teeth in the cotton candy line and come up with 25, for the whole class. (Nods to the folk in Brookfield NY for that one and the following gem…)
Your school was so poor they made the kids make their own PBJ sandwiches. (I’m not kidding about this one being true, of course that was the early 60’s and the graduating class was just over a dozen)
Your butt crack is twice as long as the soggy cigar butt in your mouth.
You have to plug in the block heater before going to work.
You bought new rims and next year you might be able to afford the tires.
That smell isn’t the cows, it’s you.
-You’ve been dating you girlfriend since your father got arrested and mom said she was looking for someone new.
-Your idea of formal wear is a colored t-shirt with pockets.
-Your workboots cost more than your pickup.
-You don’t bother cleaning the tobacco juice from the side of the pickup.
[slight thread hijack]
REDNECK ETIQUETTE
Unlike clothes and shoes, a toothbrush should never be a hand-me-down item.
While ears need to be cleaned regularly, this is a job that should be done in private using one’s OWN truck keys.
Proper use of toiletries can forstall bathing for several days. However, if you live alone, deodorant is a waste of good money.
Dirt and grease under the fingernails is a social no-no, as they tend to detract from a woman’s jewelry and alter the tastes of finger foods.
When decanting wine, make sure that you tilt the paper cup and pour slowly so as not to “bruise” the fruit of the vine. If drinking directly from the bottle, always hold it with your fingers covering the label.
A centerpiece for the table should never be anything prepared by a taxidermist.
Do not allow the dog to eat at the table . . . no matter how good his manners are.
Be considerate of your guests. Point out in advance where the injury-threatening springs are located on the sofa.
Always offer to bait your date’s hook, especially on the first date.
No matter how broke you are, never take your date flowers that were stolen from a cemetery.
Be aggressive. Let her know you are interested: “I’ve been wanting to go out with you since I read that stuff on the men’s bathroom wall two years ago.”
Establish with her parents what time she is expected back. Some will say 10:00. Others might say “Monday.” If the latter is the answer, it’s the boy’s responsibility to get her to school on time.
If a girl’s name does not appear regularly on a bathroom wall, water tower, or an overpass, odds are good that the date will end in frustration.
Crying babies should be taken to the lobby and picked up immediately after the movie has ended.
Livestock is usually a poor choice for a wedding gift.
It is not okay for the groom to bring a date to a wedding.
When dancing, never remove undergarments, no matter how hot it is.
Kissing the bride for more than 5 seconds may get you cut.
A bridal veil made of window screen is not only cost effective but also a proven fly deterrent.
Dim your headlights for approaching vehicles, even if the gun is loaded and the deer is in sight.
When approaching a four-way stop, the vehicle with the largest tires always has the right of way.
Never tow another car using pantyhose and duct tape.
When sending your wife down the road with a gas can, it is impolite to ask her to bring back beer.
Never relieve yourself from a moving vehicle, especially when driving.
Do not remove the seats from the car so that all your kids can fit in.
Never take a beer to a job interview or ask if they press charges.
Always identify people in your yard before shooting at them.
Always say “Excuse me” after getting sick in someone else’s car.
It’s considered tacky to take a cooler to church.
Even if you’re certain that you are included in the will, it’s considered tacky to drive a U-Haul to the funeral home.
The socially refined never fish coins out of public toilets, especially if other people are around.
If you have to vacuum the bed, it’s time to change the sheets.
[/slight thread hijack]
If you are married to a guy, and his brother lives with you, and your having an affair with the brother…
(a couple who used to live next to us) true!
You might be a redneck if you think the south is a sophisticated place to live.
Bikers back down from your momma
You’ve ever shot a racoon - inside your house
Your grandma has been asked to leave a bingo game due to her language
Someone in your family has ever said “C’mere and lookit this afore Ah flush it”
You mow your lawn and find a car
There is a sheet hanging in your wardrobe
You have a home that is mobile, and five cars that aren’t
You think the last words to the Star-Spangled Banner are “Play Ball…”
Your four year old is a member of the NRA
Your pocketknife has ever been referred to as “Exhibit A”
None of your zippers have all their teeth either
You might be a redneck if you ever put a “Lost: Mule” ad in the newspaper. I swear to got I saw that ad in the paper when I lived in W. Va.
You might be a redneck if you ever put a “Lost: Mule” ad in the newspaper. I swear to God I saw that ad in the paper when I lived in W. Va.
Haha! My Italian great grandmother was kicked out of church bingo for cursing the people who won.
Youve been married three times & still have the same inlaws.
Forgive me for this… but what does that have to do with being a redneck? I thought block-heaters were a cold weather thing? I thought there were -fewer- rednecks “up nort”? Am I wrong? AGAIN???
Maybe funneefarmer means an engine block heater.
Yes, that’s an engine block heater. It’s in reference to diesal trucks and tractors. He!! yes we’ve gots plenty a rednecks in these parts. I’ve tested positive on more than a dozen of those allready mentioned.