If someone yells “Ho-down!” and your girlfriend hits the floor…
You know, someone sent me an email forward one time entitled “You Might Be a Redneck Jedi if…”
It was pretty damn funny, so I came up with a few of those on my own. Here they are…
YOU MIGHT BE A REDNECK JEDI…
[list]
[li]When Luke found out that Princess Leia was his sister, you didn’t see that as such a big obstacle to their budding romance.[/li]
[li]As a break from your Jedi training, you and Yoda went frog gigging.[/li]
[li]When your Millenium Falcon makes the jump to light speed, you can never resist the urge to yell “YEEEEEEEE HAAAAAAAAAAAW!!!”[/li]
[li]Your comment upon being taken to the Ewok tree house was, “How do y’all even see the deer from up this high?”[/li]
[li]You don’t give a damn who the emperor is…Elvis is still the King![/li]
[li]At the Cantina one night, Chewbacca beats the crap out of you after you drunkenly ask him, “Hey, boy…What are you, a pointer or a setter?”[/li]
[li]For you, it is a point of pride that Darth Vader refers to your group as the “Rebel” forces.[/li]
[li]You are Luke’s brother, Bo Skywalker.[/li]
[li]Your biggest gripe about your Jedi robes is that they interfere with your casting.[/li]
[li]The first time you heard somebody say “Chewbacca”, you misunderstood, and passed them your pouch of Red Man.[/li]
[li]Your ass is hairier than a Wookie’s.[/li]
[li]You have such a big beer belly that your friends refer to you as “Jabba the Gut”.[/li]
[li]Darth Maul has better teeth than you do.[/li]
[li]Every time you bank your X-Wing fighter, all the beer cans on the floor roll to one side.[/li]
[li]While Luke Skywalker’s family farm was wiped out by imperial storm troopers, yours got flattened by a tornado.[/li]
Every time you belch or fart in public, you grin broadly and say, “Boy, the Force is strong in me today!”
This is almost along the same line…Thought y’all might enjoy this…
REDNECK MEDICAL TERMS
Benign…What you be after you be eight.
Artery…The study of paintings.
Bacteria…Back door to cafeteria.
Barium…What doctors do when patients die.
Cesarean Section…A neighborhood in Rome.
Catscan…Searching for Kitty.
Cauterize…Made eye contact with her.
Colic…A sheep dog.
Coma…A punctuation mark.
D&C…Where Washington is.
Dilate…To live long.
Enema…Not a friend.
Fester…Quicker than someone else.
Fibula…A small lie.
Genital…Non-Jewish person.
G.I.Series…World Series of military baseball.
Hangnail…What you hang your coat on.
Impotent…Distinguished, well known.
Labor Pain…Getting hurt at work.
Medical Staff…A Doctor’s cane.
Morbid…A higher offer than I bid.
Nitrates…Cheaper than day rates.
Node…I knew it.
Outpatient…A person who has fainted.
Pap Smear…A paternity test.
Pelvis…Second cousin to Elvis.
Post Operative…A letter carrier.
Recovery Room…Place to do upholstery.
Rectum…Damn near killed him.
Secretion…Hiding something.
Seizure…Roman emperor.
Tablet…A small table.
Terminal Illness…Getting sick at the airport.
Tumor…More than one.
Urine…Opposite of you’re out.
Varicose…Near by/close by.
spoke- and Spolvy: ROTFLMAO!!! almost sprayed the screen with cheetos!
Can Pagans play too?
You might be a Pagan redneck if you address the lord and lady as bubba and sweetchecks.
The four quarters are marked by four different colored broke down pick-up trucks.
Your alter doubles as a beer cooler.
There is a whole list, but those are the ones that I remember. I gotta get that list!
Oh! You mean, your altar doubles as a beer cooler!
I was wondering what them Good Ol’ Boy Pagans would be “altering”…
From another website:
Your Starship Captain might be a redneck if…
Your shuttle craft has been up on blocks for over a month.
That shuttle is called “Billy Joe Bob”.
He paints flames and puts a NRA sticker on the warp nacelles.
He installs a set of bull horns on the front of the saucer section.
The sensor array is repaired with a bent coat hanger and aluminum foil.
He rewires his communicator into his belt buckle.
You might be a redneck if you have a big sticker on the back of your shitty truck that says “REDNECK”
and yes i have seen idiots with that
If you live in Wasilla, Houston, or Big Lake, there ain’t no “might” to it!
?? I’m a former Alaskan, and that’s what we called the device that was installed on your actual block. There are oil pan heaters, and water "blocK’ heaters, AND engine block heaters.
The engine block heaters, installed on the actual block, rather than the oil pan, or in the water line part, were considered the most desireable.
I’ve seen a list like this! I don’t have the link anymore, but one of the signs was “Your cakes and ale are a Pabst and a Moon Pie.”
Or to combine two of the posts we’ve had so far to show the sticker I saw yesterday: Calvin peeing on a rival NASCAR car. The car had a number 8 on it, and I assume that is the number of a famous driver.
Can’t remember where I came across this one, but here goes …
Q: What’s the difference between a good ol’ boy and a redneck?
A: A good ol’ boy throws his empty beer cans in the back of his pickup truck, a redneck just throws 'em.
A gentleman says “Oh, really?”, a redneck says “No shit?!”
You might be in Redneck country if…
The sign on the restaurant door says “Shirt and shoes appreciated.”
This one’s for real, folks. Saw it with my own four eyes.
… you’ve ever heard him yell, “The Prime Directive can KISS MY ASS!”
… he has ever routed the broadcast of a demolition derby through the deflector dish.
What Web site are you quoting from, by the way?
If your guest bathroom is painted Budweiser red and decorated in beer cans and pictures of Dale Jr (Especially true if you live anyway close Charlotte, NC).
My mother-in-law came up with this one based on something she actually saw outside of Viburnum, Missouri:
If you’ve ever gotten out of a funeral procession to stop and get beer, you might be a Redneck.
And I came up with this one, based on something I actually saw outside of Aberdeen, Mississippi:
If you’ve ever gone shock fishing in an aluminum boat, you might be a Redneck.
If all your brothers are named “Bubba,” you might be a redneck.
That would be Dale Earnhardt, Jr.