Jeff Foxworthy was pretty popular two decades ago, when this was last discussed as far as I know. Was driving home when he came on the radio. Said these ones… anyway, I thought they were funny. I hadn’t heard them.
You might be a redneck if…
A) you spend all day in the kitchen since the box of juice said concentrate
B) the biggest city you’ve ever visited is Wal-Mart
C) you’ve used a toilet brush as a backscratcher
Are these dated? Offensive? Know any others you find particularly funny?
If your salad bowl says Cool Whip, you might be a redneck.
If you check your kid out early from school to attend the grand opening of the new Walmart Neighborhood Market, you might be a redneck.
If your car is the colour Bondo…
Only one of his jokes ever made me more than crack a smile:
“You might be a redneck if you’ve ever had to haul a can of paint to the top of a water tower to defend your sister’s honor.”
I liked:
If you cut your grass and you find a car . . .
and
If your lawn furniture used to be your living room furniture . . .
My brain apparently isn’t working today. What does this mean?
I had to laugh at myself when one applied to me: if your working TV is on top of your nonworking TV.
It means someone wrote something scurrilous about your sister on the water tower, so you’re going paint over it.
Guess you’re not a redneck
If your porch has ever collapsed and killed at least three dogs…
I get to post my favorite one …
If your mother does not remove the Marlboro from her lips before telling the state patrolman to kiss her ass - you might be a redneck.
If you smoke while your bride is walking down the aisle.
There was a good Mad subversion of the jokes I still remember.
“You might be a redneck if you have multiple cars on blocks on your lawn”
“But you’re just poor white trash if you got multiple people living in them!”
If instead of a flyswatter, you have a TWENNY-two.
If you have Skoal Bandits on the place settings for the guests.
(Which I overheard being discussed at the gym many years ago.)
If you attend family reunions to meet women…
You might be a redneck if your garage is bigger than your mobile home.
You serve roadkill at funerals and wedding receptions.
if your working TV sits on top of a non-working TV…
If your granma has “ammo” on her Christmas list.
If you have at least three cousins whose last words were “Hey y’all, watch this.”
If when you take your dog for a walk, you both use the same tree.