You miserable poseurs and pretenders!

Pretenders and poseurs always piss me off with their snobbish disdain.

I’m looking at the Outback Steakhouse thread, and I’m remembering my Tequila thread, and I’m thinking of thousands of encounters over the last 34 years of my life, when I’ve been perfectly happy and content with what I’m doing, and some insecure nitwit has to come over and ruin it for me by telling me I got it all wrong.

It’s now become that taste is a social thing, and nobody’s capable of recognizing it on their own.

I’m, pissed because it took me 30 years to figure out that they were full of shit.

I’ll start my list and add to it when I get the chance in no particular order. It’s going to be a long list because it’s an epidemic.

Case in point. NYC water. People walk around drinking their Perriers, Evitas and other bullshit bottled water, because they think other people will think it says something about their discriminating taste. It does. It says you’re an idiot. NY has one of the great waters in the world, and the city water is perhaps the best on the planet. That’s why you get such great Pizza and bagels.

Try the fucking local water. It’s great. Trust me. I’ve lived in both NY and New Orleans. I know whereof I speak.

Similar is import beers. I think St. Pauli Girl is a great beer if you can get a fresh one, but it’s not a common occurence. Probably many of those imports are superior to our domestics.

On the other hand, if they’re brewed, put in a warehouse, then on a ship, sent across the Atlantic, sit in a warehouse for a couple of more months, shipped to a local distributor where they sit for a couple of more months, shipped to the local liquor store/restaurant, it can be a year before you drink it.

It ain’t so good anymore.

Budweiser ain’t great, but it’s fresh. I’ll take it over a skunked Heineken anyday. When I’m drinking beer I don’t want to play Russian Roullette. I want consistency.

When I moved to PA, I drank Bud, until I found an excellent local beer, Yuengling, and I drink that. $14 for a case of bottles, and I get a dollar when I bring back the empties. It is a fine and excellent beer. Fresh.

Cajun food is all the rage, but you know what it is? Garbage! A great cuisine was made out of local ingrediants that nobody else wanted. Now people pay tons of money for what was trash fish and lowbrow cuisine 40 years ago. Do you know lobsters were considered inedible and used to be used for fertilizer?

Was it good 40 years ago? Yes. It’s just that nobody wanted to admit it until it became fashionable to do so.

When I dine out, I want three things:

  1. Good food for the price
  2. Excellent, friendly service
  3. atmosphere

Sizzler, Outback Steakhouse, and Appleby’s provide these things. I enjoy them because they are excellent for what they are. When there, I enjoy myself without pretension. I don’t eat at Red Lobster or Olive Garden because the food really is bad for the price.

I like Diners with great hash browns. There’s a whole in the wall in FL. that makes the world’s greatest chicken salad sandwich.

There’s a place nearby that serves all kinds of exotic game foods, bison, alligator, emu, on top of all this hoighty toighty french cuisine. The place reeks of pretension. There’s not an entree for under $40.00 and it’s all really really bad.

Still, half the time I go out with my friends, they want to go there. Why? Because it’s exclusive and trendy. By any standard, the food sucks and the service is for shit.

Take me to Sizzler.

While wine is lost on me (Can’t drink it, gives me terrible heartburn) I am quite capable of enjoying a truly excellent gourmet meal. In fact, I can cook one.

When I go to a restaurant and have one, I am thrilled. Top cooking is worth price. It seldom seems to work that way, though. I hate going out and spending a gazillion dollars to a place where everbody pretends that what they’re getting is a superior gourmet meal.

I’d rather go to Appleby’s.

So often, people don’t appreciate what’s great locally.

Fantastic chocolate, incredible ham, and the world’s best pretzels are mine to enjoy. But nobody around here appreciates the pretzel. They grew up with it.

I had friends over for a crawfish boil last year. I had fresh live crawfish flown up from Louisiana along with the spices, and I did it up right.

Afterwards everybody’s sitting back and one of my firends who’s a cigar snob starts passing out $20 cigars.


A top-notch cigar is utterly wasted after a crawfish boil. It’s impossible for your palate to appreciate it. Worse, you’re being dishonest and unfair to the fine meal you’ve enjoyed.

If you’ve just eaten ten pounds of spiced boiled crawfish, fresh boudin, andouille, and potatos and corn done up in red-pepper boil, you might as well have a Backwoods Smoke, because at least that fits.

If you are having fruity or sour mixed drinks, you are fooling yourself and wasting money if you’re using top shelf alcohol.

Make a margarita with a Cantera Tequila and Courvoissier (Cantera’s a decent 100% aged blue agave Mexican tequila) and make another with Jose Cuervo, and Joaquin’s Triple sec.

It is not easy to tell which is which because of the overpowering taste of the lime. In fact, your limes are going to be the key factor in the quality of your margarita, not how much you paid for the tequila.

The musical, Cats was good.

I’ve been to a bad opera and a great tractor pull. I’ll take the latter.

Back to cooking. Fresh ingrediants people! Usually the best food you can possibly make is with the cheap local ingrediants. Don’t spend money on inferior ingrediants when you have quality to work with right where you are.

I’ve read Moby Dick in the bathtub (which gives a unique perspective.) I’ve read my Shakespeare, my Kipling, My Tolstoy, you name it.

Some comic books are actually good.

Going bass fishing on a buggy pond full of lunkers is far superior to flycasting in an overfished trout stream stocked the week before opening day.

I longed for the day when I could buy a Mercedes Benz. Finally I got a 420SEL, and it was a piece of unreliable shit. The finest vehicle I ever owned was a Jeep Wrangler.

Lest you get the wrong impression, I’m not saying that lowbrow is necessarily good, and highbrow is all pretension.

McDonald’s sucks at any price.

Quality often costs, and you should be willing to pay top dollar for superior items… as long as you’re getting superior items.

I get custom made suits, because they fit better, are more comfortable and the higher quality is actually cheaper in the long run because they last.

Truffles are worth every penny, but Foie gras is overrated pretension. It’s just ok.

I think the best watch in the world is the Omega Seamaster Professional Chronometer. It’ll cost you $2800, but it’s a work of art, it keeps excellent time, never needs winding or a battery, has a stopwatch, and it’s practically unbreakable. If you’re wearing it and it stops working you’ve probably been killed. I’ve had mine for ten years and if I have a son, he’ll get one when he’s old enough.

Lobster is cheap. Eat them now. Twenty years from now they’ll be too expensive to eat or a protected species. The same goes for crab.

Flank and round steaks have great flavor.

Wine coolers stink.

When you’re hot sweaty and dirty, Coors lite or Bush is the best beer.

Great Sushi is worth every penny.

Jack Daniels is good stuff.

Jaguars are bad cars.

A Lexus is really a Toyota.

An Acura is really a Honda.

Excellent footwear is worth the price.

Top-notch furniture, fixtures and appliances are worth the price.

Forget Corian, butcher block is the ultimate countertop.

Oh yeah? Well I had McDONALDS for dinner! Beat that!

James Van der Beek looked really hot on Dawson’s Creek tonight.

That’s right. I said it.

dramatic foot stamp

methinks the man doth protest too much.

oh yeah, chocolate thunder from down under!

::runs off giggling hysterically::

Sniff . .sniff. . .sniff. What, girls don’t need to be on time?

What Scylla said.

Lobster is cheap in the US? I’m coming to visit you Scylla.

I thought this was a hilarious “Man of the People” rant until Scylla started letting slip increasing evidence of refined taste.

Hates McDonald’s…likes seafood…truffles…sushi. Even goes for expensive watches - which to my mind are tacky, overpriced status symbols.

So really, it’s chacun a son gout.

FWIW - pate is great. Budweiser is Bat’s Urine. Personally, I wouldn’t want to be seen in some of those restaurant chains, but it wouldn’t be the end of the world. Otherwise, Scylla sounds suspiciously well-bred to me.

Exactly what I was thinking, Manda JO. Should we start up a collection to get Scylla’s girl-child an Omega Seamaster Etc. Etc.? :wink:
As for the list…Crawfish??? Crawfish (& lobsters too, actually) look, to me, like big freaking roaches. Ick. Oh well, if it makes you happy… :confused:

I agree with every word.

Or I would but…“Cats” sucked. It really did.

But I agree with the principle.

Eh…Now Rolling Rock, after a hot, sweaty day of yardwork…Ahhhhh!

Yesssss. We marinates and grillss them, Preciousss. And sssometimes Rolling Rock isss part of the marinade, yes, Precioussss!

Generally, I go for the least expensive insanity I can find. Why pay more for the same confusion?

Yeah, my folks wouldn’t clue me in on the “diaper secret” either. Darn them! Darn them to Heck!

Amen, Brother Scylla! The only good thing about trout is that you don’t have to fillet them.

The local water in Everett, WA only masturbates, so I’m SOL. Maybe if I bought it some nice flowers, though…

And whatever you do, don’t forget the sunscreen.

Someone let USA Today know that we’ve found the replacement columnist for Larry King. All you need to do is add a few ellipsis points, and you’ve got a column.

I can agree with you for the most part.

Some people are shocked with my training when they know that I happily chow down on plain old basic food for 90% of my meals. There is also no greater pleasure than to go into a Fatburger and order a cheeseburger, fries and a coke for a Saturday night dinner.

Good sushi really is worth every penny. I was enlightened a few weeks ago at a really great sushi bar, where a transcendent dinner put us back $70. Best sushi experience, ever. Yet, when I have a craving for it, I’ll go to my local 1/2 price sushi joint that’s ‘ok’ to quench my cravings. But there’s nothing wrong with that.

Import beers–nothing has ever matched when I’ve had Guinness in the UK. Here in the States, it’s not as good. So I like Mexican beers when I’m here in L.A. They taste good, and they’re almost always fresh.

I’d rather get a gift of See’s Chocolates (a Californian tradition, and damn good chocolate) than Godiva. Just as good for 1/3 the price.

I love butcher block countertops. I want one for home (I’ve worked with them, and they’re the best).

But, I must draw the line with you somewhere.

Foie gras is not overrated pretention. Just like truffles, there is nothing quite like the taste and texture of foie gras that’s been seared and served with a nice fruit sauce and a glass of Sauternes.
One more thing:

Same goes for Chilean Sea Bass.
Same goes for Swordfish.
Same goes for Ahi Tuna.
We are overfishing our oceans and depleting them by our quest for these items. Enjoy them now before they go onto endangered lists.

Good opera is better than a great tractor pull.

Inspiration over amusement.

He’s lived in New Yawk City and N’orleans (and PA, somewhere) and he goes to: Applebys and Sizzler??? .

I’ve always found the best restaurants to be local places unknown to the travelers and guidebooks, etc. Sometimes you’re lucky, but generally you have to know somebody in the town to find the right place.

Rarely are they ever Chains!
I just love this COLOR stuff, even better than :cool: smileys.

Seared? You mean the slice of pate?

Oh, I just now get it. You’re talking about the actual liver, rather than the terrine style dish made from the finely minced liver. Okay. I didn’t know they did that.

I think you’d need a little fresh crunch with that dish. Cos lettuce, baby celery stalks, radishes.

Hmm. Dinner time, I see.


So what you’re saying is people should be confident enough to know their own mind.

Jeez, can’t you just cut to the chase next time?

Oh, and as for Jaguars, I took an '86 XJS around most of europe 5 years ago. They are far from bad cars. A wrangler, on the other hand, is a loud, uncomfortable, slow, bad handling piece of shit when it comes to long distance driving.

Of course, your mileage may vary.

Scylla, a few points, if I may. I agree with the general gist of it: there’s a lot of poseurs out there - and I hate them, too.

First off, many beers age very well. I have Belgian beers on my shelves that are at least a year past their expiration dates - and they’ll taste GREAT when I open them.

Granted, this process would not work for your average pilsner à la Heineken. But guess what? Beers like Heineken are usually brewed all around the world. Do you really think that bottle of Becks ever saw Germany? Do you honestly believe that case of Hoegaerden was ever on a ship?

Think again.

No musical is good. Musicals are evil. Make up your fucking mind: go to a play, or go to a concert. Not both at the same time. UGH. Musicals. Gah.

Jaguars are excellent cars. Sure, sure, they’ll break down every now and then - although not NEARLY as much as 20 years ago - and they’re extremely expensive to maintain. But guess what? The average Jaguar owner doesn’t care, and can afford it. Same applies to Ferraris, Aston Martins, Lamborghinis, et cetera. In short: define “bad car” in general terms. To me, most Nissans and Mitsubishis are terrible cars, because they have crappy seats (I have a rather sensitive back). Still, a Nissan can be maintained for less than half of what it costs me to keep my Peugeot running - but THAT one’s got excellent seats, and it corners like you wouldn’t believe. It’s all about what you WANT in a car.

Yup. And both are better built cars than any luxury car ever to come out of Germany.

Some things are snobbery. Some are just a matter of perspective.

Appleby’s I’ll grant you, and as mentioned, Sizzler has a great salad bar.

But Outbacks must be different where you live than they are in my area. I have yet to go to an Outback that didn’t have surly service and bad food that’s overpriced (surely shoe-leather doesn’t cost approx $8-10.00 a plate). It is impossible to get a rare or medium rare steak there. “Red in the middle” I’ll say. And they’ll either bring out some piece of carbon that at one point belonged to a cow OR (in one case) they’ll bring out a steak that was raw. Granted, getting a steak “rare” is tricky (the inside needs to be warm to hot while the outside needs to be seared), but it’s not THAT tricky and dammit, I don’t like carbonized steaks. So for the Outbacks I’ve been to:

  1. They have abomidible food for the price
  2. They have surly service
  3. Their decor is dark, cluttered and intrusive.

The triple threat. It’s not snobbery, it’s disliking crap.

And our Olive Gardens are decent. A little overpriced, but not much and at least the food is edible and the service friendly.

I’ve got no problem with little diners that don’t serve gourmet meals but are friendly, cheap and with good food (if you’re ever out here, I’ll take you to a little dive that has the world’s best chicken-fried steak.