I was reading the Straight Dope Classics: What’s the best way to sterilize myself without telling my wife?, and of course, have a comment to add to this.
My hubby just got the big snip, the big V, the vasectomy he’s been wanting. I’d like to point out to all you guys who want to do this - you must tell your wife. If you are betrothed, you must tell her too. No sneaking off to do this, uh-uh bub!
Marriage is a contract of sorts between two people. Reproduction is a big deal to most people, and if what you both want do not coinside, it is better to reconsider than to be sneaky about it.
The doctor that did my husband’s procedure was required to obtain my signature before the operation could be performed. If he had not, whether I was for or against it, I would have screamed bloody murder, and sued. Just as my hubby has an interest in my reproduction or lack of, I have an interest in his.
When I had the snip, it was a bit traumatic, and “they”
turned a lovely shade of purple. However I’m back at work,
and walking slowly and gingerly across the courtyard.
fellow worker calls out “come on son, pick up the pace a bit” As Seinfeld would ask “what is the etiquette here?”
“Well I would go faster but my balls have turned purple and they are slapping on my thighs in a painful manner?”
advertisement : don’t hurt that much, and unless you are hopelessly and insecurely macho about delivering sperm
you cant tell any difference, and there are no pregnancy worries. however you must have the follow up test - a friend refused to do this on the grounds that real men don’t masturbate and was still shooting sperm, and now has a fifth child to prove it.
Riverman, thanks for the horses mouth account of the snip process. My husband will do it, too, if he doesn’t want a fat bloated dried up wife. And I really like your sig line, too, or whatever that thing is about the fish.
And hey, for the follow up test(es), can’t he have… uh… assistance?
Hubby will be going in soon for that follow up. He also says that 99 out of 100 men masturbate, and the other one lies about it.
I don’t know how other men handle it, but he told the people that he works with, so they all knew why he was walking so slowly when he returned to work. I’m sure they still teased him about it. I made him tell his folks about it, as it was his idea to get the snip, and they wanted him to have kids.
A marriage without honesty will surely fail. This is the foundation of trust, without it there is no reason to continue. Why some lame-oid would try to deceive his future wife with something he knows he can not possibly get away with is beyond me. Instead of sterilizing his scrotum, he ought to sterilize that corrupt mind of his.
Actually, I don’t think she does have to, legally speaking, unless I totally misunderstood my Family Law professor this term. Which doesn’t mean that she shouldn’t in any remotely healthy relationship. But I can see a reason for not requiring it when you consider some types of abusive relationships.
I wrote a reply asking DOES A WOMAN HAVE TO HAVE HER HUSBAND SIGN OFF IF SHE DECIDES TO GET AN ABORTION?
I asked this because IF A WOMAN HAS TO SIGN OFF FOR A MAN TO GET HIS SNIP-JOB, It’s ONLY FAIR that HE SHOULD SIGN OFF ON HER ABORTION.
In reply to that posting, You, aenea, replied to my post with a subject line of FRUMPY JONES, and then just simply quoted one line from your post.
I took that to mean you were replying to my post with your personal view, when I never asked for it, which is why I responded the way I did.
Maybe you didn’t mean for your first reply to look the way it did. maybe you didn’t mean to make me the SUBJECT of your reply. Maybe you meant to add more to your reply. But you didn’t, and therefore totally missed answering the question I asked.
Hence, why I replied the way I did.
But I want that to be water under the bridge. Let us never speak of it again. I apologize for putting you on the defensive. It was wrong of me.
But now, back to my question: Does a husband have to sign off on his wife’s abortion, or can she get one without his ever knowing?
If the answer is “THE HUSBAND MUST SIGN” then I am all for the WIFE SIGNING OFF ON THE BIG SNIP.
But if a WIFE can get an abortion without the Husband ever knowing, then why shouldn’t a husband be able to get THE SNIP and never let his wife know?
Frumpy, I don’t think your examples are comparable. A woman who gets an abortion is only preventing the birth of ONE child, while a man who gets snipped is cutting off ALL his wife’s future children (at least by him). I think the real comparison would be, is it OK for a woman to get married planning on aborting every single pregnancy she has, while letting her husband think they’ll have kids? I think the answer is no.
I think they are comparable, in exactly the way that aenea has suggested: both processes are significant decisions in which both partners have more than a passing interest; the situations needn’t be exactly analogous. I don’t know the legality of it all (which is Frumpy’s specific question, and an interesting one), but if in either instance one partner decided not to involve his or her spouse in this decision, regardless of what the law says, that speaks volumes about the level of honest interaction in that marriage.
I read the OP as speaking directly to the moral implications of making decisions like these within a marriage, which is more important (in my mind) than the legality. In other words, even if it’s legal to get an abortion without spousal approval but NOT a vasectomy, so what? That wouldn’t even be a factor for me.
The same goes for any significant decision, regardless of its nature–e.g., quitting your job, making a very large purchase, etc. Gotta run it by the SO, don’t you? What exactly was the point of getting married if not (among other things) to share in life decisions?
I understand that in a healthy relationship, a couple (be it heterosexual or homosexual) should be honest to their mate. That’s not my question. This is why I said anena was taking it to a personal level. I am asking about the LEGAL system and what goes on there.
Can a married woman get an abortion without telling any family/friends?
If so, then there’s no reason a married man should not be able to get a vasectomy (SP?) without telling any family/friend.
If a woman has a right to choose without having to (legally) SHARE that choice with her mate, why should a man not be given that same right to choose without sharing?
I thank Bob for seeing my point, and helping me realize how I did not phrase my question properly.
To quickly reiterate: anena’s original post had the following line:
My question is: Is a HUSBAND required to sign off on his Wife’s abortion before she gets it, and would HE be able to SUE – as anena said she WOULD have if not told of the vasectomy – if she has an abortion without telling him?
