you, my friend, are a soulless whore

The BBQ Pit
1

Bitch,

I love you. You are one of my best friends in the world. A day without you is a day without fucking sunshine. But what you did to me ‘as a joke’ last month has become nothing less than a bloodboiling terror.

It was a little bit funny when we were both drunk and you said,

“we had a telemarketer call us, and you know we like to fuck with them”

Ha ha! Sure, who doesn’t? Telemarketers are born to be fucked with…

“anyway, we told her that we weren’t interested in buying her magazines, but then gave her your phone number and said that you’ll buy anything!”

Ha. what?

“I told her that you LOVE telemarketers! HAHAHAHAH”

what?

“Oh come on, it was just a joke. Pretty funny, eh?”

no

Now, a month later, I get no less than three telemarketing phone calls a day, sometimes all within ten minutes of each other. I know it’s not difficult for me to just hang up on them or tell them I’m not interested

but holy living christ! If I had done that to you, you’d have my head. And you know that in my line of work I cannot have an unlisted number.

So just keep laughing, cocksocket. And if you’re wondering why I haven’t talked to you much lately, it ain’t because I’m busy.

I’m just laying in wait.

<insert quiet ominous music here>

For revenge, my sweet, is a dish best served cold.

With a nice salad and some new red potatoes on the side.

jarbaby

2

maybe you could sign her up to Columbia House and order the worst CD’s available for her. Make an appointment for the window, lawn, water filter, and cemetary companies to come by and give a quote.

Seriously, you do need to tell all telemarketers to put you on their “Do Not Call” list. I did this religeously for about 3 months and the number of calls I get now are only 1 or 2 a week. It works!

Next time your out with your freind, order her a straight tonic water instead of what she wanted. It’s just a joke, right?

later, Tom.

3

Lucky you!

You get to talk, repeatedly, to Harris, Mr2001, and others!

Oh wait, that is not good…

4

There’s a simple solution here. All you have to do is call the local Jehovah’s Witnesses and tell them you’re her. Explain that you want to convert but you’re conflicted. Give them her address and phone number. Then call the local Amway distributor and repeat.

-L

5

Oh my.

“cocksocket”?

I think I’m embarassed.

6

Why don’t you just let voice mail pick up? That’s what I do. Friends know enough to talk to the machine. Telemarketers don’t.
Whatever business you are in, you don’t dare let customers go straight to voicemail?

7

Go to a bookstore, the magazine aisle. Work your way down it, retrieving a postage-paid subscribe-me card from as many as suits your purposes. Write her address to each and every one and dump them in the mail.

Practice your poker face, give no indication. A couple months down the road, bitch about how you’ve been receiving a couple magazines with bills for same without ever having subscribed, and how much more junk mail you’re getting.

8

Click on every useless banner you can find, and submit her name to some of those information services. After a few weeks of learning about every fuckin offer from every fuckin website, she’ll be hurtin. Hell, I sign myself up for some of those lists, and they still piss me offf!

9

With your permission, jarbaby, I’d like to add the word cocksocket to my regular rotation. :smiley:

10

Everyone here is certainly welcome to use the word cocksocket. It’s a catchy name for anyone who fucks you over.

These are all fun revenge ideas, although I prefer the Jehovah’s Witness plan, seeing as this “woman” loves to spout about how she hates religion and yet has no knowledge to back her arguements up. They’d love her.

Kyberneticist

Firstly, I shouldn’t have to change my life around to avoid telemarketers. I should be able to answer my phone and not worry about it. I can handle the normal, oh, two a week with a polite no thank you, but five a night?

Secondly, Mr. Jarbaby and myself are both actors, and I’m a writer. We each have agents. I also manage a theatre company and have to field a lot of calls for that. Taking messages and having to call all of those people back is simply too much for my lazy ass to handle. :slight_smile:
The key with telemarketers is that they have a little hestitation before they answer your “hello”. If I hear that hesitation, I just hang up the phone. It’s upset my mother many a time.

until we meet again…later cocksockets! :smiley:

jarbaby

11

I meant more along the lines of interrupting the machine when you hear that it isn’t a telemarketer/stalker/annoying-accquaintence-who-you-really-don’t-have-the-energy-to-talk-to-right-now.

Oh, and where’s the theatre company? I like visiting local theatre performances…

12

Well, we have voice mail, so I can’t really interrupt it…I suspect when we move next month the calls will taper off.

In Chicago. We’re the Stone Circle Theatre Ensemble. We don’t so much have a set season as much as we’re a production company. If we find a project we want to work on, we supply time, actors, techies and finances to coproduce it.

And right now? We’re doing nothing. Perhaps in the fall, when I have more ambition. :slight_smile:

jarbaby

13

My sister and brother-in-law have an automated uh, thinky on their phone that screens telemarketers. I’ve emailed her to ask her about, and I’ll let you know what I find out. For example, if I call her from work, it will recognize my number as a business number. A recorded voice will then say, “We have reason to believe you are a telemarketer. If this is true, hang up immediately and remove this household from your contacts list. If you are not a telemarketer, please press 0.”

As far as I know, it will do this for incoming business numbers but not home numbers. It may also be that they can program it to recognize certain numbers, I don’t know.

This kind of thing might be worth checking into. I can’t imagine putting up with that shit. (That’s why I’m unlisted).