psst! He’s talking about this thread…
… which is the first thing I thought of, too!
My first reaction was “Oh, that’d be easy! I’d be out in 20 minutes.” There are so many pedantic or trivial or just annoyingly ponderous Doper threads, that I’d just start telling about those poker dogs and how South America’s been moved, or about this other guy’s Animal Religion theories and how he types them up and mails them to smarty-pants scientists, or maybe I’d just reenact I Burning Your Dog!!! Then they’d let me go before I went all insanely homicidal on their ass.