Ding dong and all that, so thanks for the brief update, but
DAMN THE SUSPENSE IS KILLING ME. Did she freak out? Was she able to hold it together? Were any innocent poles harmed in her storming out?
I need a life…
It’s noon where I’m at.
I just skimmed over this thread, but I want to know what happens.
Jesus, three (and 1/2 if you count Newfoundland) time-zones worth of Dopers hanging on your every last word, Maureen.
I’m hoping that by this : “Now, I’m gonna get some Tylenol and set about to posting every histrionic last detail. More to come.” you mean that there were in fact histrionics.
Cause man, that’s the reason I’m here!
You’re a big tease, you know. I have some Hershey Peanut Butter Kisses…would that help you collect your thoughts faster?
ivylass, who has finished her lunch hour and must sneak back to SDMB when no one is looking…
I came home from lunch for the update, and this is what I get?
/rolleyes
I’m really hoping for some juicy stuff here (I have no office so the only drama I get is here).
Got my popcorn in hand, soft drink by my side, anxiously awaiting the gory details… 
It beats anything on HBO!
For pete’s sake, woman, can’t you type faster???
To quote an old friend, “Blood for the Blood God!”
I think she needs time for the Tylenol to kick in, too.
Now, I’ve finished work for the day, I’ve got a glass of decent wine in hand, the chips are in the oven, the steak is marinating in port and pepper, and I sure am looking forward to this.
Okay. Tylenol and cherry pepsi have helped re-establish normalcy.
Any misgivings I had about terminating this person were allayed immediately upon her walking into my office and saying “okay, who got their panties in a twist over something I said this time?”
The HR director (who is a very nice man and doesn’t deserve to be Joan’d at) invited her to sit down. When she did so, he motioned me to go ahead. I said “Joan, unfortunately at this time, we feel it’s necessary to terminate your employment with the company. This is due to several factors which I’m going to outline so you understand. You will get a copy of this, and will also have the chance to respond in writing if you’d like.”
Actually, I got as far as “terminate…” when she started butting in. I didn’t stop speaking though, I talked over her. She didn’t even acknowledge I was in the room after I said the word “terminate.” All her attention was immediately on the HR director, which is way too long to type, so I’m going to call him Mike.
“Mike, what’s going on here! I don’t believe this! I’ve been with the company longer than she has, she can’t fire me, she doesn’t even know how to run a department! This is ridiculous! Nothing I’ve said or done warrants my being fired, you have to listen to my side first. You have to make her let me stay, I deserve probation at the very worst, you know all this, you better tell her RIGHT NOW it’s a mistake, and I want her on report for trying to do this!!”
She was standing up by this time in front of Mike and I swear, her face was redder than my hair.
Mike very calmly asked her to please sit down and lower her voice (honestly, if it isn’t every company’s policy to have an HR rep at a termination, it should be. Aside from helping me to stay calm and in control just by his example, he kept it from escalating into a shouting match). He then told her she would be allowed to respond, but that this decision was made in conjunction not only with my boss, but with HR. That’s when the hand wringing started.
“I’ve worked for this company for 12 YEARS! It’s my life! I give so much to this place and never ever think about taking as much as I give. I’m here for everyone, and no one appreciates how much I do for this department!” (then to me) “You’re jealous! You’re jealous that I’m better at this than you are and you’ve tried to make me out to be the scapegoat for all the ways you’ve screwed up. I don’t want to hear anything else from you. This is your fault. I’m done with you.” Shades of Barbara Bush. She turned to Mike.
“I have given good and loyal service to this company and I don’t deserve to be brushed off this way. Explain how this is fair.”
I handed her a box of tissue, and Mike then told Joan that since she reported to me, I would be explaining the reasons for termination, and he then reminded her that as an at will employee, it was not necessary for us to have a cause for termination. She turned and gave me a death look, and I went down the list of items over the past year which have led to the termination of her employment. Afterward I asked if Mike had anything to add. He told Joan that terminating someone was never pleasant, and he wished her luck in the future. She took a deep breath and said “You’ll see. Without me here, you’ll be lucky to still have this department functioning in six months. When you call me begging me to come back, I’m not going to do it, though. I’ve been shafted by this company enough!” She stood up. I stood. She asked where I was going. “Well, Joan, I need to collect your card key from you, as well as your parking pass.”
You would think I had just butchered an infant in front of her. FULL ON screech mode.
“ARE YOU ACCUSING ME OF STEALING?? ARE YOU SAYING I’M GOING TO COME BACK SOME TIME AND STEAL SOMETHING FROM THE OFFICE? WHILE YOU’RE AT IT WHY DON’T YOU STAND OVER MY SHOULDER AND MAKE SURE I DON’T STEAL ANYTHING?” I told her that Mike was required to stay while she packed. She made an inarticulate/primal rage type noise, then flung open the door and flounced out. She grabbed her badge and parking pass, threw them at me, then threw her stuff into a box while everyone in the office pretended very hard to be working. She then went around to each. and every. other. employee and tearfully told them how sad she was that she wouldn’t be around to help them anymore, and gave out her email address. Then she left.
Lunch was, in fact suggested.
Christ.
Oh, thank Og. Firefox crashed right as I hit post, and I thought I was going to have to redo that entire damn thing.
Jeez Louise. I hope everyone in your company chips in and buys you a big thank-you gift.
You set up a webcam, right?
A bit anti-climactic, don’t you think? Honestly. She didn’t drive into the pole again? Or shit on your desk? Nothing but yelling and crying?
I’m terribly disappointed. 
So did the other employees manage to hold down the cheering and confetti-flinging till the door slammed behind her?
Holy shit…thank God she’s gone. Good on you, Maureen, for not backing down.
Twelve years, eh? Did it ever occur to her that even though she’s been there longer than you, you outrank her?
I’m sure her screaming fit destroyed any chance of severance, if she had any chance to begin with.
Good riddance.
Adam
Wow Maureen, thank Og she is gone.
Now you can get your blood pressure back down and everyone can see what it’s like to walk around on the floor, instead of eggshells.
You handled it very well, and I agree, terminations should always be done with an HR person in the room, or at least two managers.
Wow. Totally bad for Joan. Never ever tell people that they can’t work without you or that they will be sorry they will miss you. You just look that more pathetic.
Good story Maureen. On a more serious note though, I know how hard it is to fire someone, even if they deserve it. Always know that it isn’t your fault and you owed it to the company and your team to make sure that someone like this was let go.