You'd read his grocery list? Really?

Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share
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grocery list
I’m on several book discussion lists and every six weeks or so someone will rave about an author using the term “I’d read anything s/he wrote, even a grocery list,” or some such tripe.

Whereupon I humbly submit a couple of my own grocery lists to see how they stack up against the likes of Elizabeth George and Stephen King.

Here’s one of my favorites:

[ul]
[li]duct tape[/li][li]utility knife w/single-edge razor blades[/li][li]flashlight[/li][li]D battery (or2??)[/li][li]rubber gloves[/li][li]disposable rain poncho[/li][li]some kind of mask[/li][li]drop cloth (at least 3mil) or tarp[/li][li]pruning shears[/li][li]pruning shears[/li][li]spider poison (lots!)[/li][li]6ft of small gauge chain[/li][li]hacksaw blades[/li][/ul]

Okay, it was a home improvement project. In retrospect it sounds kind of sinister. IIRC the guy at Ace was pretty blase. Sees that kinda thing all the time.

Now if it had been this one:

[ul][li]Black candles[/li][li]Incense[/li][li]Toothpicks[/ul][/li]
…?

Much more mundane:

[ul]o.j.
cranberry juice
cat food
light bulb
baby wipes
diapers
Pedialyte
perideum
immodium
Advil
applesauce
apple juice
cigarettes
bubble bath/oil
[/ul]

Calgon–take me away!

This was a more exciting week:

[ul]Need–leather jacket, suitcase, sunglasses
Find–fishnet stockings
Pickup–boots, Scotch
[/ul]

All right. . . nobody is going to pay for my grocery lists. sob they are not even paying for my well-crafted and hilarious novels (their loss! unlike these lists). I need a more exciting life. Or a more vivid imagination. Maybe a to-do list?

My ideal to-do list at the moment:

Pick up–
[ul]wetsuit,
goggles,
mask,
airline tickets[/ul]

The more realistic if not actual shopping list for a break of similar duration to the above:

[ul]6-pack of Pepsi
hot chocolate
Kahlua
6 crossword puzzle books
6 mystery novels
vitamins
[/ul](don’t need food, there’s a Thai restaurant right around the corner)

Yeah, eat your heart out Stephen King, I mean that literally . . .

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Although I didn’t make a shopping list for this, I once picked up at a store…

Toilet paper
Ketchup

Life’s most important necessities.

(Actually at the time I worked at a grocery so I usually just got things as I needed them or as they were on sale as opposed to doing big shopping)

3

Hmm… let’s look at my current list.

pretzels
half & half
sugar cubes
fluorescent lightstick
buttermilk
ketchup
kosher salt
cornmeal?
toothpaste
chains

Nope. Nothing exciting about that.

4

One time in the drugstore I was at the corner of an isle. In one sweep of the eyes I saw:

Condoms
Light Bulbs
Motor Oil

I should have, just for the looks.

5

I don’t believe in grocery lists. Instead I just push my cart methodically up and down each isle, and grab what I need when I see it.

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You know, you could combine the two for one nifty practical joke…

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I live by that philosophy. There’s a supermarket right next to the shop where I work, so I go there once Ive finished work, wander around, talking to myself about possible meal combinations. If by meal combinations you mean ‘cornflakes AND tinned peaches’ or ‘sausages AND tomato sauce’. Which I do.

Awfully time-consuming. It took me over an hour to select twelve items of food today. meh

8

We call friedo’s technique “aisling,” as in “I’m not going to make a list; let’s just go aisling.” We usually done when we need EVERYTHING. In college, we only did it when we were feeling rich, as opposed to having a calculator in hand to add up the meager total we could spend.

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We have the staples, naturally, that we need each week, milk, apples, cheese, cereal, chips, etc.

Ivylad shops at Sam’s, so it’s very rare that we need the toilet paper and paper towels and the dog food.

10

My sister and I used to add random things to our parents’ shopping list like:

  • No-Pest Strips
  • Fish Glue
  • Bullet Molds
  • Rat Traps

sigh Those were the days.

11

Hmmm, let’s see. I went to Gander Mountain today during my lunch hour:

4 boxes (25) - 12 gauge shotshells - Winchester, 2-3/4", 1-1/8 oz, #7-1/2 shot
4 boxes (25) - 12 gauge shotshells - Winchester, 2-3/4", 1-1/8 oz, #8 shot
10 boxes (50) - .22LR cartridges - Federal Lighting
And a .22 spinner target set

That should scare the hell out of Rosie O’Donnel at least.

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Shhh… be vewwy vewwy quiet! I’m huntin’ wesbians!

hahahahaha!

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[Homer Simpson]
A bottle of Old Harper’s
porno magazines
large box of condoms
panty shields
illegal fireworks
disposable enemas (2)
[/HS]

14

This is how my girlfriend and I shop. We work well in tandem. Unfortunately, this means I rely on her to remember what we already have and what we need. So when I go shopping by myself, I screw it up. Eyes the eight bottles of barbeque sauce

15

Okay, now I’m scared.

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What i got this morning:

bread
Cheese-Its
body lotion
ice cream
toothpaste
mouthwash
beer
eggs
dried plums (formerly known as prunes)
zip freezer bags

Just a hodgepodge of stuff I was running out of. And probably tomorrow I"ll think of stuff I forgot to get. And then I’ll go back. I always do that.

17

We hermits really should use lists, but I don’t. I wish I was more together. I invariably realize when I get home that I forgot something.

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This one lacks depth. The plot here is kind of ill-defined and would sell poorly . You must define your target audience!

Much better! Clear direction. Forthright and concise. (Toothpicks! OMG , you rascal).

The Danielle Steele crowd would eat this up!. Needs a little work. Where’s the produce?!

Okayyyyy. Now we’re onto something. Keep at this. It shows real promise!

Major dead end here. This has been done to death. Move on.

OK. A little off-beat, but you could be onto something here.

I sense an ambivalence in general to your writing that would tend to lead the reader astray. (“Pepsi, hot chocolate, Kahlua.” If you don’t make up your mind, how can you expect the reader to latch on? See what I mean?

Also avoid cliches like the plague! “apple juice
cigarettes
bubble bath/oil” It’s just too predictable.
Other than that, I see real potential. Keep at it and remember: just write write write!

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Cover blurb! Thanks!

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I daresay it’s been a while since anyone said “OMG” on the SDMB (except maybe in that “talk like a 12-yr-old AOL user” thread)

[quote]
Originally posted by Cicada2003**[ul][li][…][/li][li]drop cloth (at least 3mil) or tarp[/li][li]pruning shears[/li][li]pruning shears[/li][li]spider poison (lots!)[/li][li][…][/ul]**[/li][/quote]

Wouldn’t want to forget those pruning shears, would we now? Wouldn’t want to forget those pruning shears, would we now? :dubious: