I attend a pretty damn good college… and one of my friends attends the similarly named state school right next door. Since we have a good music program, she comes over here twice a week to sing with our choir. Our choir contains about 20 people… 19 of which are from our school, 1 of which (her) is from the other school. We’re presently learning our college songs for homecoming.
I don’t know if she has an inferiority complex or what… BUT every single fucking time we learn one or sing them over she simply cannot restrain herself from telling everyone how much prettier and better her college’s songs are… she hums her songs during the breaks between ours… she makes coments about our mascot… she makes fun of our traditions… she proclaims that we should learn her college songs in OUR COLLEGE’S CHORUS because of how much better they are! Finally, someone thankfully pipes up “Well if you’re going to sing in the ----- College choir, you’re going to learn ----- College songs!” I tell her over and over that "we don’t learn any OTHER college’s songs because there’s no need to sing them… and she snorts “well maybe we should!”
AAAAAUGHHHHHHH LEARN OUR FREAKIN SONGS IN PEACE OR DON’T SING WITH US!!!
Ah, Choral Music Wars! Congratulations, NR, you just won the DDG Award for “Pit Thread with the Most Sheer Entertainment Value” for 2001.
You beat out the following:
“Fucking SPEBSQSA Tenor thinks he’s hot shit!”
“Concert pitch is A-440 dammit, and anybody who says A is 445 can bite me!”
“News flash for asshole choir director–Robert Shaw is not God, and we don’t wanna hear any more tapes of ‘the right way to sing it’, okay, Sparky?”
“If we have to sing one more medley from Cats, I’m gonna bring a chain saw to rehearsal.”
“Do I look like a black gospel singer? Do I SOUND like a black gospel singer? Then don’t fucking ASK me to SING like a black gospel singer!”
“Dumbass buttugly concert DRESSES we have to wear! Olive green? Who the HELL came up with that?”
“If he whispers 'Intensity!” at us one more time like that, I’m gonna puke all over the second sopranos."
“Yes, dickhead, Schoenberg IS too hard for us, we’re just teenage music majors, okay?”
you could try kicking your friend in the shins whenever she bitches about singing your school’s songs.
Or, you could have her sit out instead of singing your school’s songs. That way, she has no right to bitch, moan, or belittle.
Better yet, go ahead and get the choir to sing one of her school’s songs, but arrange it in the whole tone scale, or sing in tritones, or only harmonize in fourths and major 7ths…
Get everyone to sing her songs, but with everyone a half-step off. Sharp or Flat being their choice. You’d be surprised how bad people can sing if they really want.
