I agree - babies are absolutely vicious. Since I had my son 2 and 1/2 years ago, I’ve had my nose bloodied by headbutts and fingers jammed up my nose while I was innocently sleeping (more bloody noses), I’ve had earrings ripped out of my ears by curious little fingers, my stomach bounced on and generally been body slammed by a grinning, adorable and surprisingly solid toddler. At one point, his favorite game was to try to push me onto my back and stand on my stomach and jump. Apparently it was so hilarious the one time he did it while I was sleeping, that he simply must attempt to do it at every opportunity. Lately he’s taken to grinding his little nose and forehead into mine, for what purpose I have yet to fathom.
I won’t even get started to the surprise elbow jabs to the boob or his (thankfully old) habit of pressing on my boob as hard as possible while yelling “Boing!” He even used to try it in public. I’m trying to spin it for myself as toughening up before trying for another.
Fortunately, I recognize “the look” that precedes the action, though those headbutts come out of nowhere. Everytime something like that happens, I repeat, “I am so glad I don’t have testicles.”
I’m not sure about sons - the friends I have with them tell me this isn’t as big a deal with them. I, however have 2 young daughters, and the way they head-butt, knee, elbow, kick, and otherwise impact my nether-regions gives me the impression they are happy with no more siblings. My wife sure finds it hilarious. Which makes me think she maybe shares their sub-concious motivations.
Reason Eleventy-Billion or so why I “DO NOT WANT!” to have kids, well, contribute to the creation of kids, really, as a guy, I don’t have to go through the horror of the “having” part, thank Og!
the part involved in the process of creating the little DNA monsters I do like, though… as long as no genetic material is passed along… one of me is more than enough <shudders in horror at the thought of more than one MacTech…>
This is exactly why I refuse to sleep in a bed with kids. That kick to the kidneys at 2 am isn’t the best way to wake up.
I have staged a retaliation attack though! A coupled of weeks ago our 2 1/2 year old, while playing in the floor, socked me in the jaw hard enough that I saw stars. A few days later, I was folding laundry and reached for something behind me and… WHAM! Slapped the poor kid right across the face. I don’t know who was more shocked. We just stood there staring at each other, until we both broke down into a fit of giggles. He had a minor bruise on near his temple where my knuckle got him.
Funny thing is, he has been SO sedate since then. I haven’t had to get onto him once!
He did tell his Granny though, (who hates me), “Jennifer hit me!” She flew off the handle until my so explained. She still thinks I did it on purpose. :rolleyes:
Been there, done that. Lying in bed with my 7-month Biggest Girl, she’s very calm and quiet because she’s just finished a feed. Gazing adoringly into my eyes in that way babies do. And then…
poke! Straight in the cornea. I guess it looked pretty. Babies love eyes.
The next day, after the eye and ear hospital had fixed me up, I wandered into the cafe where I’d been in the habit of having a coffee every morning. My injury was fairly obvious, since I couldn’t actually open either of my eyes more than a bare slit - when I opened the good one, it would move about, causing the other one to move too, and hurt. I told the waitress what had happened. “Oh yeah” she says “I had my kid do that to me too.” “How long did it take to get better?” I asked. “Well, that was a year ago. It’s still not fixed completely.”
:eek:
Fortunately, her estimate was pessimistic in my case. But just a bit. All this for a 2mm scratch you wouldn’t even notice if it was anywhere else on your body.
My kids are dangerous; my 3-year-old slammed his head back and broke my nose, and my 2-year-old kicked my husband hard enough to break one of his ribs – in his sleep! They also like to stand on his lap in a very painful way, and he’s found that 2-3 year-olds are just at that height that when they come running to give him a hug, their heads smash right into his nuts.
