Wring, sweetie, sometimes people are just rude. Sometimes their kids are just spoiled brats. Who was it that said 90% of all people are assholes? When a doper posts about some asshole – or asshole’s kid – I tend to believe him. And where better to vent some steam than on the SDMB?
It’s not a referendum on your parenting skills or your children; Welby, as I read it, wasn’t concerned with the kid being overweight, except as it underscored his main point – the kid has no limits, and he’ll pay in the long term for his short term gratification.
I’m still trying to figure out how the phone conversation with the father went.
Welby1: So, uh, Bob, I was gossping about your fatass kid with a friend of mine, about how your ex-wife is faking his physical fitness records, and my friend said that I must be misunderstanding and that your kid must have some health problem. Does he?
Good lord, nosy much? I’m still completely at a loss as to how any of this is the OP’s business, whether the mother was yakking about it to him or not.
tlw: I don’t know about nosey. If these were casual strangers, I’d probably agree. However, they aren’t. And I called him because, quite frankly, I felt that wring may actually be right. Her fervor, for lack of a better word, concerning this issue made me rethink my position and re-evaluate my attitude. I did so, and see no reason to change either.
This issue is my business because the mother yakked to me about it. If she doesn’t want my opinion now or in the future, she’s welcome to see that her child behaves properly when a guest at another person’s home, and talk about anything other than her parenting habits. In return, she can expect the same from me. As has been stated multiple times, I am not intending to seek her out like an avenging angel. I was venting.
And **wring[B/] no I don’t know you IRL. Nor do you know me, my situation, my relationship with these people, or anything else about me or them. Yet you insist that your point of view is the only one to be considered, despite the facts presented to you.
Additionally, you once again fail to address the issues and question raised. I did not ask if you beat your children in the head, I simply stated that I don’t think hitting a child repeatedly in the head could be considered spanking. How that has anything to do with you or your child is beyond me.
You see my reaction as over the top? Fine, you’re entitled. Don’t expect me to take your assesment and go home happy without offering a different point of view. It is my right to disagree, as it is yours.
And as for your final lines:
I will concede that I could have worded the question differently, and expressed my opinion differently, in a kinder, gentler way. However, if that is the most vile thing that’s ever been spewed your way then you have led a sheltered life. I find it telling that you didn’t bother to respond other than a blatant attempt to make me feel bad. Don’t expect an apology any time soon, I typically don’t give in to such poor attempts at manipulation.
Well, why shouldn’t ** welby ** make his “judgement” based on what the mother told him? The issue, if I’m reading it correctly, was that the mother **admitted that she lied ** about her son having medical conditions to get him out of P.E., and that welby disapproved of this type of deception. It wasn’t about whether this boy SHOULD be in P.E. or not due to his weight and/or possible medical conditions - it was about a mother choosing to knowingly LIE to get her son out of doing something he didn’t want to do and she didn’t want to deal with.
If the mother herself says that the boy has no medical condition, why should welby doubt her? Either he has no medical problem, and mom’s lying to the school about it, or he has a medical problem, and mom’s lying to welby about it. Either way, she’s lying - yet you’re offended that welby would disapprove of her lies?
Based on that logic, you shouldn’t be jumpiing on welby. I mean, even though he said he had words with this woman, you weren’t there, right? Maybe there is more to the story.
Or, you could allow welby the right to judge the situation based on what he was TOLD by the mother, just as you’re judging him based on what he’s TELLING you. Right?
Mostly, I forget past threads. But there are a few in the board’s past that I remember, usually due to their essential wisdom and good sense.
I bring this up, because someone or other wrote this thread some time ago. And as I was reading through the development of this one right here, I thought that maybe wring might like to have a private conversation with the author of that linked one, and ask her opinion about this one. (I think I got my referents in the right place here.)
“I don’t like going outside anymore, Smithers. For one thing, there’s too many fat children.” --CMB
Seriously. What is with the fattening of America’s youth? I’m 21. My friends and I grew up on video games. We also ate our fair share (and perhaps more) of junk. But DAMN. I never saw overweight kids like I see now.
Screwy metabolism maybe? My best friend and I have both had girls tell us that they would kill for our metabolism.
Okay now…let’s just all calm down and think about this, okay?
I think that what wring was saying is that you don’t KNOW what goes on in anyone’s life, or their home, unless you live there. And despite what the mother in the OP told welby1, we don’t really KNOW what the exact situation is. People tend to vent, people tend to exaggerate. People tend to see things the way they are currently comfortable with seeing them.
It is entirely possible, even probable (IMHO, having read the whole thread) , that this mom is enabling her son to evade total responsibility for his life. And I think that is totally WRONG.
But, as wring stated, since we don’t KNOW the truth of the matter, it would be wrong to make a judgement as to what is what here.
I don’t think it was wrong at all for welby1 to deal with the 14 year old as a person and to indicate that he was being rude. If this kid isn’t being taught to behave socially by his parent, it is totally correct for a person to point out to him that his behaviour isn’t acceptible. The child was rude, he is old enough to be responsible for his actions. Therefore, he should be responsible for his rudeness. And he WAS called on it, and I say “Good Show.”
BUT…I also think that it is impossible for the rest of us to adequately judge someone else’s situation without knowing all the facts. And that is what I think wring was trying to say. And I also think that she would be the first to step up and say that if actual physical abuse or neglect was involved, we/she should DO something about it.
Although I think that enabling your child to avoid living up to his responsibilties and encouraging him to avoid physical excercise (and lying about it, which is another example of a REALLY bad idea) is a BAD thing and detrimental to his development as a person, I don’t think it could be construed as abusive.