Inattentive Parents

This Thread got me to thinking. “It’s that time of year again,” thought I.

The time of year when we all have to attend BBQs and beach parties and swimming pool parties with idiot parents who let their toddlers roam free in the vicinity of water and hot BBQs and drunken people they don’t even know. It drives me freakin’ apeshit.

As a single Mom, I know better than most what it is to be sooooo freakin’ exhausted, and just want five freakin’ minutes to eat some freakin’ food - but tough. In 18 years you can doze off on the beach all you want. Right now, you have a toddler, and that means you are on suicide watch, 24/7.

If you need help hire a babysitter!

So I want to start a national campaign. Let’s all special order some small bumper stickers that say “My parents are inattentive idiots, and I’m lucky to be alive.” Let’s get a second set that just say “+10 minutes.”

Anytime we see an unattended toddler in danger (i.e. near the hot BBQ, or wandering near the water) we will put the first sticker on. We will then check our watches, and if the child is still wandering unattended in ten minutes we’ll add a second. then a third. I’m betting several of us get to four stickers before the Summer is over.

We will not, however allow the toddlers to jump into the water or burn themselves to ashes. This way we’ll feel better about it.

Those fucking stupid inattentive bastards. The only thing worse than that is over-attentive parents.

Now I shall read the OP.

Do you have something against the gene pool?

I read that thread. The OP is a better man than I am, because I would have let the kid keep the hot sauce. When my daughter was a toddler, she managed to sweep a bit of wasabi-laden soy sauce into her mouth off my wife’s dinner plate. She lived. She also learned not to grab things off our dinner plates.

Can we also talk about those needy little bastards being the ruination of all things related to sex for Mom and Dad?

I mean, Mommy and Daddy will be out in a minute! Stop pounding on the door! For the last hour and a half you’re being all quiet, playing with your toys, watching SpongeBob and the freaking second Mommy and Daddy go into their room because they, er, “need to talk”, there you are, pounding away! That’s what I’m trying to do!

I swear, one of these days I’m just going to shout “Just a minute son, Daddy’s cock is stuffed knee-deep inside of Mommy!”

My daughter asked us one morning if we had been watching wrestling on TV the night before. :eek:

LOL. We’ve never been caught directly. Life just…gets in the way, you know? You’ve got to get creative with your quickies when you can!

The OP is far too reasonable. Where’s the outrage? Ping me when somebody chimes in to disagree or offer some pathetic possible excuse.

(I am so understanding now why ivn is sometimes dismissive of Snuggly Kitten* threads. When you’re in the mood for anger, this reasonableness is quite dull.)

*I liked that name - this will always be the Snuggly Kitten forum for me now.

My kids can swim, I know where the burn cream is, and they’ve dealt with drunks before. I just do a quick headcount before we leave the BBQ (cause I certainly don’t want to bring MORE kids home than I came with), and we’re good.

Your knee or hers?

I’m trying to picture it…are you upside down…or at least at a 90 degree angle.

I just don’t see it working.

I’ll add to inattentive parents “parents who think every adult at the gathering is their babysitter, so they don’t have to have anything to do with their own children any longer, but still reserve the right to yell at YOU when you correct their child.” I don’t have kids; I don’t know what they are and aren’t allowed - I can sit and watch them do any number of dangerous things and have no clue that they actually ARE dangerous (kids aren’t allowed hot dogs? I didn’t know that. Kids aren’t allowed balloons? I didn’t know that either.) They’re your kids; even with other adults around, you are still the Number One adult responsible for their safety.

I have kids and that’s a huge pet peeve of mine. It’s not a village. They’re your kids. If I happen to see your kid cutting his leg off with a saw, I’ll mention it to you, but I’m not going out of my way to pay attention to what he’s doing, especially if you can’t be bothered. This used to really drive me nuts when my husband played rugby. Some of the guys would bring their little (like 3 or 4 years old) kids and expect whoever happened to be on the sidelines (i.e., the wives and girlfriends of the other guys) to keep an eye out for them. Sorry, I’m here to watch the game, drink a beer and chat, not babysit. This is really annoying if I’ve made arrangements for someone to watch my children so that I can relax. If you bring your kids, you don’t get to relax.

I hate it too. Kids are walking suicide machines when they are really young and then again when they are teenagers. I have two young daughters that are well behaved but they have done some incredibly dangerous things already. I don’t consider myself a parent, but as a father, I also consider myself a bodyguard and not to protect them so much from other people as themselves.

I posted the story below once which is the same thing you are talking about which was completely true. Some people later in the thread doubted it was factual but another Doper later went to the location to the location to check out the details on their own and it they were all there. I was absolutely furious at the time.

Your link is short on details.

Pretty much, although I’d probably intervene (and get called a PEDO!) on the leg-amputation thing.

As so often seems to be the case, this week’s edition of The Onion has a related article.

Yeah, but at least if you went PEDO on the kid using the amputated leg, you (and we) would know for sure what you meant by knee-deep.

Well, if my wife asks for an amputated toddler leg as a dildo, I’m sorry…I’m obliged to make her happy. I’ll be sure to use it foot-end first so as not to pollute her pristine vagina with that nasty, tabasco-infused coagulated blood from the stump-end.

As it’s a toddler leg, I might even be able to find a condom to cover it.

When I was five, I was wandering up to a mile from home on the mean streets of suburban (late 60’s) Los Angeles. I survived. Kids need to learn from experience. Burn themselves on the grill? Won’t do that again. Drink Hot sauce? Either the same thing or just maybe they’ll decide they like it. Stick a fork in a socket? Well, we learned a valuable lesson, didn’t we? Next time try the butter knife, it fits better.

I’m more bothered by seeing other people’s shit destroyed or people disturbed by wandering children than by watching those kids learning life lessons because their parents are morons.

You’ll notice I stipulated that we are discussing toddlers. They are not capable of that sort of logic.