Furthermore, sticking metal objects into sockets can be deadly. We’re trying to avoid those particular life lessons while they are children…
I was thinking about posting a link to that today - it’s awesome!
What do you expect, parents to trail their kids 24/7?
It’s not realistic and it’s not healthy. Kids are pretty resilient and sometimes you do have to let them roam free and do what’s best. And despite what you think parents ought to be like, I don’t think it’s actually possible to provide the level of surveillance you expect. And believe it or not, not everyone can plunk down for a babysitter whenever.
I think America has a pretty good middle ground on this- in Cameroon you’d often see two year olds wandering down to the market with a coin in their hands to buy some eggs. On the other hand in China I often see ten year olds riding their bikes with their parents running behind them, warning them not to peddle to fast or go too far. You gotta find somewhere in between.
When your child is a toddler? Yes.
True, so for those times when you can’t afford a babysitter, you either watch your toddler at all times in public, or you keep your ass at home.
Can we state here who actually has kids.
I, FWIW, don’t. But I’m pretty sympathetic to those that do, I am I am more than willing to do my share of the “it takes a village” thing.
I have an 8 year old daughter, and yes, kids ARE resilient. My girl has had her share of falls, bloody noses, ect. Acidents happen. But when we’re in public? I’m either watching her directly or I know exactly who IS watching her. It only takes a second of trusting “the village” to have her wind up on Amber Alert.
And even more than that? Her mom and I have enough respect for other people to not let my child act like an asshole in public. Surprise surprise, she’s not an asshole now…because we didn’t allow it when she was little.
I won’t knowingly allow anyone else’s kids to come to harm, but I don’t like parents assuming that everyone else is going to look after their kids so they don’t have to move their butts off the couch all evening. That usually ends up in no fun for anyone else, because we spend the evening looking from the kids to the parents, and wondering when they’re going to step in and do something to control their kids, then they don’t, then we wonder if they’ll yell at us if we say something, then we wonder if someone should tell the host/hostess that the free roaming children are wrecking their house while their parents watch, and I just want to be anywhere else than in the middle of that scene.
no, I expect parents to control their children so I don’t either:
a) suffer consternation that little suzy may or may not be doing something that could pretty severely injure her - I don’t have kids, so while you assure me that “kids are resilient and they need to learn some way” it still doesn’t look like something I would want to endure, so I would err on the side of caution and attempt to intervene.
b) have my outing negatively impacted by inattentive parents who cannot control their children. From the numbnuts in the original thread that thinks it’s totally cool to let some kid jump up and down on furniture in public spaces (even though he owns said furniture or whatever shit he’s obfuscating), or to the legion of parents who have surrendered disciplining and controlling their children because it’s a battle they don’t feel the can win; if your kid isn’t controlled to the level that I don’t notice that kid any more than I would any other random person, then you need to be doing more.
apart from those two things, I couldn’t give two shits how much or how little supervision you give your kids.
So am I, but I think parents should have the basic common sense and courtesy to explicitly make that arrangement with me or with some other volunteer villager as the situation requires it, rather than just casually assuming that one of us will be on the job.
If I’m out with friends and one of them asks “Could you watch Twinkles for half an hour while we’re checking out the new iPhasers” or whatever, I’m happy to do that. But you shouldn’t just wander off to the iPhaser display without saying anything and blithely assume that I’ll be watching Twinkles.
Nor should you subject other people and their property to the effects of tantrums and destructiveness and rowdiness in the cause of letting Twinkles learn how to “roam free” and develop resilience without parental supervision.
The trouble with the whole “it takes a village” thing is that every village has its share of idiots. Betty Birkenstock over there has statistics on the number of deaths caused by anorexia every year and wants to snatch Barbie dolls away from toddlers because they cause poor body image. Sergeant Slaughter is only trying to help when he takes your son’s dolls away because they’ll make him grow up to be a homo. Nancy Nutritionist figures she’s saved his life when she slaps the high fructose corn syrup laced hot dog out of your kid’s mouth. Diabetes kills more people every year than hot sauce. And so on. Everybody’s got a bug up their ass about something.
What people mean when they say “it takes a village” is that “it takes a village of people just like me.” Well, there’s not a village of people just like you. You’re a unique snowflake, thank God. One of you is already too many.
If a kid’s behaviour doesn’t affect you, mind your own business. You’re not as essential as you think, and offering unsolicited parenting advice is a good way to find out how little value it has.
eh, this is lame–especially if the parents have dismissed your concern. My youngest is very physical and constantly climbs/jumps/hangs/etc. If I got involved everytime he did something like that, what would either of us learn? I’d rather encourage his physicality–he rarely falls, and I absolutely love that he’s so brave. Your “consternation” is no more my concern than my toddler’s activities are yours.
That’s great if you’re sitting right there keeping an eye on him. The problem comes in when the parent is nowhere to be found.
We went on a family camping trip awhile ago at a place with cabins and lots of woods and fields around it. My kids were two and four at the time, so my husband and I basically spent the weekend trailing them around so that they didn’t wander off, fall in the creek, or touch the electric fence nearby. There were a couple people who let their similarly aged kids go wherever, while they played cards and chatted. They just assumed the other parents were watching and would prevent disaster from occurring. We would have, but what if my kids are ready to stop playing and your kid is still tottering on the edge of the creek? What if your kid runs one way and my kid runs another? Plus, it’s just annoying that my job increased two or three-fold so that they can relax and enjoy the weekend. I’d like to be able to do that, too, but I have kids, so I’m doing my job!
If you have kids, you need to supervise and not expect other people to do the job for you. Nobody else knows what rules you have for your kids or what capabilities they have and, frankly, nobody else cares as much about your kid as you do. If you’re sitting right there, you can say, “Oh, he’s fine, I’m keeping an eye on him and he does this all the time.” If you’re on the other side of the room engrossed in conversation and chowing down, all of a sudden your kid becomes my problem and, instead of being a party-goer, I’m a babysitter.
If your youngest is constantly climbing/jumping/hanging/etc-ing, you need to be reading part b).
and this, too.
Why can’t this be solved with a judicious application of Duct Tape?
You’re not a babysitter, you’re a meddler. If the kids aren’t bothering you, stay the fuck out of it. The last thing people need is parenting advice from a bunch of well meaning helicopter parents who get their panties in a bunch because, “God help us all, there’s a toddler walking around with condiments!” Kids do fine, even when they’re not living in Nerfworld. Keep the bubble wrap for your own children.
Excellent. I’ll keep that in mind next time I see an unsupervised toddler wandering onto a rugby field while a pack of 200 lb men come barreling full-speed toward her (actual experience I’ve had). I’ll just mind my own business when I see a 3 year old running, arms outstretched, toward an electric fence (another actual experience). I know, I know, I’m probably waaaaaay overprotective. And there’s no chance at all that the parents would come over and yell at the closest adult for not watching their child. :rolleyes:
Haven’t had that experience, but a slight parallel;
Fifteen plus years ago, a bunch of us were planning a group trip to the BWCA, a wilderness area in northern Minnesota. Some (now former) friends had a dog that EVERYONE hated. It had a bad habit of destroying personal effects (then being defended by the bad owners) and of running off and working hard not to be caught. Well, these morons were hell bent on taking that dog along on the trip, over everyone else’s strenuous and repeated objections. No one was going to tell them that they couldn’t take their dog!
Finally, it came down to this. We told them that the very first time the dog ran off, NO ONE was going to help them find it. Not only that, but if it ran off while we were on a portage, the entire rest of the group would leave them their canoe and their pack or personal gear and LEAVE THEM THERE. Then of course, someone (not me) suggested that he might not be all too bothered if the dog was intentionally allowed to wander away.
They didn’t bring the dog.
The point is: At some point you have to tell these parents that by coming along on the trip, YOU are not agreeing to become a part-time babysitter for them. That the kid is entirely THEIR responsibility and that you resent their seeming expectations that everyone else can watch the kid. “The deal isn’t ‘You come along, we watch your kids for you’”.
I think the point is, rather, that parents shouldn’t have to be told this.
Unfortunately, sometimes they do have to be told that.
I don’t debate that. Rather I’m expressing the aspirational goal.