Skid Row, I am sincerely sorry that your childhood experience was so horrible! Your parents were abusive, and their activity was criminal. As stated in an earlier post, we have used spanking three or four times on our oldest daughter, when other forms of discipline proved entirely ineffective. Our two younger ones have responded very well to other forms of discipline.
While I regret the horrible experiences you had as a child, I do resent your implication that all parents who have ever spanked their children are in the same category as abusive parents like yours.
It was certainly not me who said that you should have never had children. But I do wish you would rethink painting with such a broad brush.
If you beat your children, then you are indeed a criminal. If you spank them (not “spank”, but spank, as per the definitions provided earlier in this thread), you are not a criminal. Frankly, there’s a difference between beating a kid and striking them across the clothed buttocks with your hand, using an non-harmful amount of controlled force.
And frankly, there’s a difference between standing up for yourself and breaking the bones in someone’s face or knocking out their teeth. Although I’m sure you would vehemently defend your right to have beaten your parents. Sad, really.
I humbly suggest everyone ignore Skid Row, he’s obviously decided not to bother actually reading any posts in this thread and instead prefers to make inflammatory and false statements meant IMHO to bait.
He’s obviously missed a few therapy appointments and is directing his misplaced hostility to those on this thread.
Out of curiosity, why don’t you fix the window, or find a way to better child-proof it since the window in question is in their bedroom? That way you remove the danger and the temptation.
Sorry Hamadryad, I was reading in order and didn’t realize this question had already come up and been answered as well.
Out of further curiosity, have you thought about switching bedrooms with your kids so that the dangerous window is in your bedroom? You wouldn’t have to worry every time they go into their room.
As for the OP, I’m in the non-spanking camp. I don’t see the harm in a light swat on the butt or hand if that’s your choice, but otherwise, it just doesn’t sit right with me. Yes, every kid is different, but I can’t bring myself to think that slapping someone hard, or slapping someone’s bare skin is okay. Particularly with an object of any sort, or particularly when the parent is angry and riled up.
I had a father that spanked on and off and a mother that made me discuss the situation. I knew the spanking would hurt, and I felt really humiliated baring my lower half to my father so he could spank my butt. (The spanking ended before I hit puberty, but it was still uncomfortable for me.) Although I left (the spanking) feeling humiliated, I knew the pain would subside and I could go on. I’d just have to be more careful about getting caught is all.
However, having to sit down and discuss with my mother what I had done, why it was wrong, and how I might better act in the future was torture. Plus, she would discuss her feelings–why she was let down, or upset. And then I would receive my actual punishment–like grounding or some sort of loss (which was also torture to me). Agony! I avoided misbehaving when she was around (to the best of my abilities as a child, anyway.)
Wrong again, Lez. Read 'em all. Sat here with my mouth agape at the type of people who call themselves “parents.” It takes more than biology to make a person a parent. But you seem to think otherwise. Let me suggest you read all the previous posts. If you still consider child beating to be effective discipline after that, then I’ll know you have no credibility on this issue.
…and Guin, you’re telling me that it is not okay to let your child be physically harmed by a stove but it is perfectly okay to let your child be physically harmed by a parent?! Take my word for it, YOU are in WAY more need of help than I’ll ever be. {I assume you are not a parent. God I hope not.}
…again, are you guys trying to prove my point? You’re doing a terrific job.
And Priceguy, after you grab the hand, do you leave it there or to you pull it away? You don’t want to hurt the child by pulling too hard. You could do some damage there.
Sole purpose is to inflict pain??? If the sole purpose was to inflict pain, why not just let the kid get burnt? While somewhat educational, pain is certainly inflicted. It’s a win-win situation. No change in the pain result but the kid doesn’t have “ill feelings” towards the parent (ok, maybe one day he/she will wonder why mom/dad let him/her get burned all the time)
Absolutely nothing. And if people want to spank their children, what can you do? Absolutely nothing. No wait, you can equate spanking to child abuse and rant on.
BTW, if spanking were child abuse (in the eyes of the law - since posters’ opinions don’t really matter), can you find a case where children were removed from their parents’ custody for occasional spankings?
Since I’ve personally known people to whom the phrase “occasional spanking” referred to what the law called “physical abuse”, beatings etc. probably you should attempt to define the term a bit better.
Problem is: to some people, ‘occasional spanking’ does indeed refer to physical beatings resulting in bruises, broken bones, blood etc. To most others, the term ‘occasional spanking’ refers to a tap on the butt, smack on the hand etc.
Kindly point out where I have equated spanking to child abuse.
Totally irrelevant. We are not discussing legal matters. By the way, I probably could find such a case. You might want to look into a little concept we like to call “rest of the world”.
I never said pain or discomfort was not involved. However, you said “If the purpose of a smack on the hand isn’t to inflict pain, then what is it.” The purpose isn’t to inflict pain. The purpose to correct/prevent. If the purpose was to inflict pain, we would be talking about people hitting their child for no reason - and that is not what I (or many posters) are talking about
After a quick scan of the posts, I mistakenly attributed your name to others’ posts. I’m sorry
I don’t believe this to be totally irrelevant. If this thread were to be only talking about “improper parenting decisions” then I would agree. But the term “child abuse” has been raised (again, by others and not you) and this is a legal issue.
And I have no idea what you are trying to say with the “rest of the world” comment.
