Nitpick: “They finally figured out what those eleven herbs and spices are,” IIRC.
Nitpick: “No, but it’s twitchin’ a mite!”
Single panel, but it tells a complete story: Man comes home, finds his wife in bed with another man; they lock eyes and smile, and the husband starts stripping. The wife, shocked, says “Roger, what the hell are you doing?”
Several Daniel Boone–types are making their way single-file through the forest. The leader says “Watch out, men. There’s probably two Indians behind every tree!” There are, and they’re all screwing!
A Miles Standish–type is trying to seduce a comely young wench, without success: “But you came across on the Mayflower…”
Elaborate full-page color painting of a Central American pyramid … a crowd is gathered at the base, watching the sacrificial “virgin” climb the stairs … the high priests are at the top, ready to carry out the ceremony. You stare at the picture for a couple of minutes, trying to figure out why it’s supposed to be funny … then you notice the little guy in the corner, discretely stifling a belly laugh!
My favorite of his: A coven of robe-clad worshippers clustered around a big box with a letter “N” on it.
One onlooker asks a robe-clad worshipper
“Is Nothing sacred?”
The all-time best cartoon, to me, is one of the lamented Jack Cole’s. Cole was a cartooning genius with a plethora of completely different styles (Before working at Playboy, he did a lot of comic book work. He invented Plastic Man. In fact, he invented the entire genre of rubbery super-heroes. Without him, there’d be no Mr; Fantastic, or Elasti-Girl).
My favorite of his is the sixth one down here:
It shows an artist painting a nude, and the model is just to one side. You can see the artist applying paint to the navel in the painting he is doing. Just to the side, the model has doubled over, laughing and clutching her stomach. The artist has obviously just playfully tickled her by dabbing the brush into her navel. The cartoon wordlessly makes this all immediately evident, and is a sort of two-panel cartoon, but actually done as a single panel. It’s incredibly clever and inventive in the way it plays with the conventions of cartooning, but is immediately funny without all the highfalutin’ artistic philosophy.
Aztec king has an underling giving him a report “You highness we have to cancel the march of the virgins. One of them is sick and the other won’t march alone.”
Interior of a ratty crash pad, with a scraggly christmas tree in the corner and several stoners puffing weed.
Santa has just come down the chimney. He’s standing there holding a badge and saying, “Ho-ho-ho…you’re all busted!”
My favorite has no caption. It shows God, Santa, and the Easter Bunny at a cocktail party talking shop.
Batman, Robin, Superman, Wonder Woman, et al., are lounging around a seedy apartment looking bored. One of them perks up and says “I know! Let’s wreak vengeance on the forces of evil!”
Ah, the cartoons. One I liked had two ancient Egyptians carving hieroglyphics on a tomb. One turns to the other: “Is ‘virile’ spelled with one testicle or two?”
It was a cartoon in Playboy.
A man is carrying a box of fried chicken away from a fast-food outlet. He’s passing by a prostitute who tells him, “You know, my deluxe box comes with two thighs, two breasts, and a roll.”
This one dates from at least the late 50’s. It was a Christmas card, and was pretty edgy for those times.
It featured a nice colored reproduction of The Last Supper, with the caption just below saying,
“Separate checks, please.”
I remember that one. It was a B. Kliban cartoon (the guy famous for all the cat cartoons). IIRC, most, if not all, of the superheroes weren’t exactly existing ones, but were different enough to avoid copyright complaints. The guy making the declaration, in fact, looked an awful lot like Zorro.
Yes, 40+ years…but I still remember this one (from the joke page, not a cartoon as most seem to be quoting):
It’s a Sunday night, and two college roommates in a girls’ dorm are undressing and putting their PJs on. One notices that the other’s tummy seems to have an indentation or impression in her skin, in the form of a letter “M”
“Where did that come from?” she asks her roommate — who blushes a bit and says “My boyfriend visited me from out of town over the weekend, and he likes to make love to me while wearing his football letter sweater.”
Her roommate says, “Oh…where does he go to school, Michigan or Miami?”
The other girl blushes again and says “Wisconsin!”
From 1969 or so (when I was in sixth grade, looking at my college-aged brothers’ collection): a “blind” painter touching his nude models, winking to the side and saying “Don’t let them know I’m not blind”. I thought it was hilarious at the time, and shared it with my classmates.
That reminds me of another one I think was in Playboy. I screwed up with my other one being from The New Yorker. But there was this obviously blind lady – dark glasses, cane, all the usual props to signal blindness – getting into some sort of exotic sexual position, and I mean really bizarre, like a pretzel and with safety cushions and stuff, preparing to screw this incredibly dorky-looking guy. And she says something like: “I normally wouldn’t do this sort of thing, but seeing as you’re John Travolta …”
I’d offer some of the jokes I remember from the jokes page, but I’ve already posted most of them elsewhere.
My favorite is probably the one where a guy walks into a bar and orders six shots of scotch, neat, and then knocks each one back in rapid succession.
“Whoa, slow down there, pal!” says the bartender.
“Sorry,” says the guy. “I just came from my first blowjob.”
“Aha!” the barkeep says knowingly. “Celebratin’ eh?”
“Hell, no!” says the guy. “I’m trying to get the taste out of my mouth!”
Ebeneezer Scrooge is being chucked under the chin by a beautiful, topless ghost. “Repent, Ebeneezer, and I’ll be your Ghost of Christmas Present!”
Ebeneezer Scrooge is being shepherded through his history by the Ghost of Present; a much younger Scrooge is having sex with an enthusiastic woman. An irritated looking Scrooge is making some comment like "Yes, yes, again?!" :rolleyes:
There’s a happy, rumpled-looking woman in a bed in her home; on top of the house is Santa Claus. Santa is leaning over and saying to one of his reindeer "…and then a voice from behind me says ‘Hey, Santa! I’ve got a little something for you!’ "
A scene in some old fashioned inn, 18th century maybe. An obsequious innkeeper is hovering over a goggle-eyed patron while an extremely well endowed waitress in a low-cut dress is bending way over offering him a plate of some kind of food. “Excuse me, sir? Would you like to nibble on one of our little tarts?”
An orgy scene. A woman is saying to the guy she’s having sex with that “…without my glasses, I can’t recognize anyone until he’s right on top of me!”
I remember one where everyone is naked (at an orgy, I presume). Two guys sitting on a couch are approached by a blonde with huge boobs and delightful pink nipples, wearing only a tiny apron and carrying a tray of orderves. “Would you gentlemen like a little something to nibble on?” she asks.
An older guy and his young mistress are lounging naked in front of a fireplace when the phone rings. She answers it and says “Oh, nothing much. Just lying around, roasting nuts by an open fire…”
hors d’oeuvres - appetisers that are literally “outside the work(s)”, that is, not part of the chef’s centrepiece.
There used to be pulp mags about the place forty years ago that consisted of nothing but cartoons and gags like these… 
When I was about 12, a friend had a pile of those. I still remember a picture of a girl who, according to the caption, was named Julie. There was a little poem to go along with the picture. Why I remember it, I have no idea, but I’ll share it:
*I came to see dear Julie,
And then I heard her call,
“I must slip on something, darling,
I’ll be no time at all.”
So I waited in the hallway,
And dreamed away my cares,
And then sweet Julie roused me,
By just slipping on the stairs.*