With apologies to the ladies. It must be decades since I last read a playboy. Aside from fashion tips and occasional good articles on science, some of the jokes there used to crack me up. My favorite: a man and a woman were doing standing sex with the woman backed up against the side of a bell tower that looked oddly familiar. The woman was saying, “Umberto, this is our last night together in Pisa… Let us make it a night to remember…”
I don’t know why I remember this one … it was sneaking looks at my Dad’s Playboys that he kept hidden in a closet in his office … but a couple making love outside on a ski slope:
“What staying power? I’m frozen stiff!”
Oui magazine taught me a word in those teen years: It had two very buxom women in one T-shirt with the word “plethora” on it with the caption “Plethora: an overabundance.”
Things you remember even more than 4 decades later, eh?
A middle-aged, very conservatively-dressed man and a buxom young woman are sitting at a table. The woman says, “Do I believe in Original Sin? That depends. How original do you want to be?”
A couple dressed in Middle-Eastern costume: “The loaf of bread and the jug of wine are on the house, Omar, but ‘thou’ is going to cost you!”
I still recall one cartoon in which a husband returns home from the office unexpectedly early and surprises his wife in bed with another woman. She says to him something like: “Wait, it’s not what you’re hoping!”
There’s an orgy taking place in the middle of a living room, except that all the men have got up and are running toward the window. The women are lying about the floor, somewhat dazed, and one of them says “What IS it about fire engines?”.
People who live in glass houses should throw parties in the basement.
When they defined masturbation as “coming unscrewed”.
Good one, but it’s from the New Yorker.
(While we’re off-topic, I always liked this one.)
Ah, so it was. I knew it was from one of those dirty rags.
I remember one with two women in bed. “You better get out of here before my husband gets home and thinks he’s getting a Christmas present!”
From the early seventies: two uniformed cops are hauling Colonel Sanders out of one of his restaurants in cuffs, and one of them says to the other “I found out what’s in those seven herbs and spices.”
Man and woman on a date, driving to a no-tell motel.
He says, “Respect you in the morning? I don’t respect you now.”
Girl going down on car salesman in a new car. “you will notice the great headroom in this model.”
From PB, mid 70’s, I think:
Man and woman seated at table in restaurant. Woman is saying to the man:
“Already? Boy, that is premature!”
It was an October issue (don’t recall the year). A man has opened his front door to find an attractive woman, dressed in a witch hat and very little else.
The man is saying, “Why, Ms. Smith, I do believe I’ll settle for a trick!”
I remember a couple limericks:
A horny young locksmith named Shore
Had the hots for his favorite whore
When the cops came inside
With a true craftsman’s pride
He was making a bolt for the door
When a man queried saleslady Shedd
As to whether a fully-made bed
Had springs that were quiet
She answered, “Just try it!”
As she pulled down the blanket and spread
A pretty young woman in a short skirt is manning the counter at the bakery, which has very high shelves of product with a ladder to reach the slower-selling product on the top. The first man in line, seeing the raisin bread all the way up on the top shelf, asks for a loaf. She dutifully climbs up the ladder while the man looks up appreciatively. He pays and steps back.
The next man in line, seeing the game, also asks for raisin bread. She climbs up again, unknowingly presenting the men below with a nice view up her skirt. The second man pays and steps back.
The next customer is an old man. A little flushed from the climbing, she asks him, “Is yours raisin too?”
He smiles. “No, but it’s twitchin’ a little!”
No, people who live in glass houses–shouldn’t. I saw one in 1966, when I was a senior in high school: A young man joined the Army. The first day he was issued a comb, and the barber cut off all his hair. The second day he was issued a toothbrush, and the dentist pulled out all his teeth. The third day he was issued a jock strap, and he went AWOL. I told that to guys on the water polo team, changing it to a woman who was issued a brassiere. They didn’t think it was funny.
Ahhhh this one has been stuck in my brain so long!! It’s a New Yorker? For some reason my brain morphed it into more of an indignant encounter, I would’ve (before I revisited the cartoon) rendered it as:
“Well, if it isn’t my best friend! And my best friend’s wife!”
Any Gahan Wilson cartoon. Every single one.
D’oh! I was going to say this one!