That which does not kill me just postpones the inevitable.
nm
It is better to have loved and lost, than to be stuck with that psycho for the rest of your life.
Fuck it, that’ll do.
Gifts are never free.
I love this one, because it is both true AND self-defeating…
“Know the difference between a philosophy and a bumper sticker.”
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I am so remembering this.
Mine is serious: Be kind because everyone you meet is fighting a great battle.
I like the Me that keeps this in mind.
“I can explain it to you again, but I can’t understand it for you”.
If a frog had wings, he wouldn’t bump his ass.
My use of it is always wrestle. The other seems like a combination with teaching the horse to sing as an excuse for a delay of an execution. At least you get the extra time and “maybe the horse will learn to sing.”
Another good one - “It’s a marathon not a sprint.”
I keep this on a PostIt at my desk at work. Wrote it down several weeks ago, added a cute line sketch of a monkey outline and … that little scrap of neon sticky paper has rescued my sanity so very many times since then.
My next-desk neighbor will occasionally [del]complain about[/del] comment on some current dysfunction or inter-dept. shenanigans and I’ve taken to just silently holding up that Post-It at him.
A couple more favorites:
“This, too, shall pass.”
“The cream rises to the top, but so does pond scum.”
“The perfect is the enemy of the good.”
“Just enough, just in time.”
Always remember, you’re unique. Just like everyone else.
mmm
“Medium”
Alright, it’s not technically an aphorism but it has the same effect on causing the people involved to think about what was said or is happening as it is unexpected.
It is a useful response and statement in sooo many circumstances:
Is this ready to go?
What do you think?
How’s it going?
Do you want to go?
Two of the best:
The first principle is that you must not fool yourself — and you are the easiest person to fool.
(Feynman)
Don’t be so open-minded that your brains fall out.
(disputed origin)
Two of the worst:
Absence of evidence is not evidence of absence.
Sure it is, if the hypothesis predicts that we should expect to see evidence
You can’t prove a negative.
Sure you can. There are no elephants in my back yard. You just can’t prove a universal and highly nonspecific negative.
"Close enough for government work. "
You can only control yourself.
Go ahead and be self-conscious, but the only person paying that much attention to you is you.
when you find you have cast your pearls before swine, do not apologize to the swine as you pick them up.
the meek shall inherit the Earth, but they will have to hire a Marshal to evict the aggressive.
- I think it was “Blessed are the cheesemakers”.
- What’s so special about the cheesemakers?
- Well, obviously it’s not meant to be taken literally, it refers to any manufacturers or dairy products.
“Life is what happens while you are making other plans.”
lmao, but not quite the same. Once, when I was a substitute teacher and the intercom was unintelligible I was able to use the "blessed are the cheesemakers " line. Half the kids got it and died laughing, the other half was baffled. 
poor kids.