The early worm gets the shaft.
Never trust a man who says “trust me.”
When you sit down at the poker table and cannot immediately spot the sucker, it’s you.
These are three that I frequently recall:
Better to light a single candle than curse the darkness. Even little improvements are improvements.
Your brain is lying to you. Used whenever I’m in a depressive slump.
…and I’ve forgotten the third I had in mind when I started this post. Maybe it should be Write things down, ADD-boy, 'cuz your memory is Swiss cheese anymore.
I also like just the simple reversal,
The early worm gets the bird.
One day at work I had an extremely bad 15 minutes. When things got straightened ouy, a customer said “Looks like you’re having a bad day.” Without knowing what I was going to say, I responded “I had a bad moment. I don’t let bad moments become bad days.”
The customer loved it, and I’ve used it ever since.
You may not have gone to the same high school as me.
Sorta related: Don’t wrestle a pig. Even if you win, you end up with shit on you.
Sticking with pigs (or some say squirrels): Even a blind pig finds an acorn every once in a while.
And, the one I use most often: It is a poor craftsman who blames his tools.
from my dad, a play on an old aphorism, that I have found very useful at work to not waste too much time on useless projects:
“Anything not worth doing is not worth doing well.”
“Eat right, exercise, still die.” I’m still not sure if this is meant to be encouraging or discouraging for people trying to improve their health with diet and exercise.
Yes, a solid nugget of wisdom.
Measure twice, cut once.
This is a meticulous-sounding way to hide the fact that you lost the first set of measurements.
Anything worth doing is worth overdoing.
There’s a corollary to that: Never take singing lessons from a pig.
It comes in handy on the internet.
Rick? Is that you?
My go-to is it’s better to say nothing and be thought a fool than to speak up and remove all doubt.
Talk Cheap - Take money buy Whiskey. [said in Tonto voice]
No good deed goes unpunished.
For the mechanics:
Get a bigger hammer.
If it won’t go, force it.
For over-enthusiastic and unwanted ‘help’ on a project:
I"M fuckin’ this monkey, you’re just holdin’ the tail!