And you want to be my latex salesman.
Also:
Frank: You got the rooster, the hen, and the chicken. The rooster goes with the chicken. So who’s having sex with the hen?
Susan’s dad: They’re all chickens. The rooster has sex with all of them.
Frank: That’s perverse!
Kramerica Industries. With the intern from NYU.
Kramer: I find that capricious and arbitrary.
Woman: Your fly’s open.
Intern: Mr. Kramer would like to schedule a lunch at the coffee shop in five minutes. Do you need directions?
Jerry: Line 2?
Kramer: Line 1 is your apartment.
“OK, how about this… ketchup and mustard in the same bottle.”
The bit about the funny voice that Jerry chooses over his girlfriend is slightly below average as far as Seinfeld bits go, but it’s still hilarious, and leads to the downfall of the girlfriend in the end. I occasionally use the line Jerry says as the giant ball of oil hurtles towards her head: “This is going to be a shame.”
The Junk Mail
Fragile Franky Merman (the “summer George”) gives Jerry a free conversion van that he doesn’t want.
Elaine is on a break with Puddy and she falls for a new guy who turns out to be The Wiz. “I’m the Wiz and nooobody beats me!”
Kramer is on a campaign against first Pottery Barn and then the entire Postal Service to stop all the junk mail he’s receiving. The exchange with Newman trying to warn Kramer of the danger he is in is priceless. Wilford Brimley as the scary Postmaster General is perfect!
Meanwhile George’s parents are trying to “cut him loose” and he is doing outrageous things to get their attention, like dating his cousin. He devises a plan to have his parents catch him making out with her in Jerry’s van in Central Park. This leads to the hilarious “Seinfeld’s van!” / “Son of Sam!” scene and then later “That van’s a rockin’.” / “Don’t go a knockin’!”
I love Seinfeld.
I can’t pin point my favorite, they’re all great. But the risk one cracked me up.
Mandelbaum! Mandelbaum! Mandelbaum!
Mine, too.
“No tinsel! I find it distracting.”
“I got a lotta problems with you people!”
For the record, I hated the show (or at least didn’t like it all that much), but I’d go with the “Soup Nazi” episode.
The Pen.
The one where Kramer adopts a highway and Elaine pretends to live in the janitorial closet so she can order the flounder, just for the scene of Newman’s mail truck catching on fire.
The backwards episode where they go to India always cracks me up, too.
“You can stuff your sorries in a sack, mister!”
“Goodnight, Jugdish!”
Most of mine have been mentioned, but I’ll give another vote to
And one that hasn’t been mentioned, at least as far as I can tell…
When George and Jerry meet Elaine’s father for dinner and they have to talk to him. The whole conversation is great, but I love it when Elaine’s father says to George
“Pipe down, choir boy!”
Wow, you are absolutely correct. I wonder why I didnt see that before.
More votes for all of these. The Elaine dance one though Elaine dancing is just the B story, the A story was Jerry being muscled into being a movie pirate.
The Man Hands episode I like because I tease my wife about it. Her side of the story is that since she got married, all the cooking and cleaning she’s done made her hands rough. My story is: how many dishes did you wash before you met me?
Another favorite: The one where birds stop getting out of George’s way. “Mommy! That man is stepping on all the pigeons!” And the side story is Elaine’s head is so big a pigeon couldn’t get out of the way in time and crashes into it.
It’s too hard to pick a favorite. From about season 3 on, they’re all great.
Kind of related, but does anyone else like Curb Your Enthusiasm too? I thought it was funny how they all wanted to make up for the Seinfeld finale and Larry David kept defending it.
“I’m out.”
Also the Elaine Dance . . . only because one of my cats does it on his back, as his happy dance.
Casting Lawrence Tierney as Elaine’s father was just inspired. Whenever I see that episode, or the movie “Reservoir Dogs”, I like to pretend it’s the same character, and that Elaine & Nice Guy Eddie are siblings.
“We had a funny guy with us in Korea. Tailgunner. They blew his brains out all over the Pacific. Nothin funny about that.”
One that hasn’t been mentioned is “puffy shirt.”
YOU BASTARD!
I heard that.
Lawrence Tierney was also great in the Marge Be Not Proud episode of the Simpsons, as the Try-N-Save security guard. It’s funny how when you listen to the commentaries for BOTH episodes, all the production crew can talk about is what a horror Lawrence was to work with. Even the limo driver who brought him to one of the sets said “there’s no way I’m bringing this guy back to the airport”.
Yeah, apparently they originally planned to make Tierney a recurring character on Seinfeld, but he terrified the cast so much (including stealing a butcher knife from the apartment set), that he turned into a threat that Larry David would use on the crew when he wasn’t happy with their acting.
Same thing with the episode of ST:TNG he was on - he kept harassing Wil Wheaton and asking him why he wasn’t playing football.
I love Curb Your Enthusiasm. Some of the plots are rehashed, but I see it as the show that Seinfeld could have been if there were more freedom under censorship.