Your Get Out of Jail Free Card story

I recently came across this story. Short version is that a man knew that his ex-wife was trying to bait him into saying something incriminating by creating a fake Facebook profile and messaging him. He had an affadavit notarized detailing that he knew about the ruse and everything said to the fake person is a lie. The man was arrested, but was released with all charges dropped after producing the affadavit.

My own much less interesting story involves showing up to court for a moving violation. I got a ticket saying that I needed to show up in court by such and such date. Well, I do so, but they say I’m not in the system yet (despite it being about a week later). The clerk however gives me a goldenrod-colored paper saying that I did indeed show up on that date.

It’s Christmastime and I’m in school, so I leave for winter break for a couple of weeks (we can’t stay in the dorms anyway). When I get back, I have mail saying that I’ve missed two court dates and have fines that add up to well over $1000. Yikes. I show up to court again, sit around until my timeslot rolls around, and the judge asks why I’ve missed the previous dates. I reply that I hadn’t missed the date and present the goldenrod paper. The judge asks me to give it to him, but it’s obvious that I’m already in the clear–as soon as he saw the color of the paper, he knew what it was. He glances at the paper for a second, drops the additional fines, and cuts the original fine in half.

So, what are your stories that started with “You in a whole heap 'o trouble, son” and ended almost immediately after presenting a document or other piece of evidence?

I was carelessly smoking weed in my dorm room (usually if I did, I blocked the vents and stuff. Not this time.) and security came a’knockin. I said I was smoking some really old tobbacco that must have smelled weird. I somehow remembered in my panic that they weren’t allowed in my room. So I didn’t let them in, but they asked if i had the butt of the cig I was smoking. And guess what? I actually HAD been smoking some hand-rolled cigs earlier (practicing rolling joints) and had a butt that I was able to produce for them. It didn’t smell one bit like weed but they believed my story and went on their way.

Scariest thing I’ve ever experienced in my life, I think. I’m known as a goody two-shoes and being thrown out of school for this would have been unspeakable.

I obsessively save documents – bank statements, credit card bills, phone bills, etc. – for many years before I throw them out. I have every Federal and State tax return, and all related documents (W-2’s, 1099’s, etc) for the past 40 years. Someday, I might just need one of those, and one never knows in advance just which one it will be.

Well, one day I got a pleasant little notice from my friendly Internal Revenue Service telling me that I under-reported a bunch of income (a big premature withdrawal from my retirement account), which should have been reported as taxable income, PLUS big penalty for being a premature withdrawal, PLUS penalty for not reporting it, PLUS interest for being several years late.

The notice had a few check-boxes. I was supposed to check one and send it back:

□ I agree with this assessment. (Include check for full amount.)

□ I partially agree with this assessment. (Include check for amount you agree with, and explanation for the part you disagree with.)

□ I completely disagree with this assessment. (Include explanation.)

Actually, I had just (three years earlier) closed out a retirement account and immediately rolled it over into a new account at a different bank. AND I still had all the relevant documents to prove that. So I sent it back with the :ballot_box_with_check: I completely disagree box checked, and photocopies of the papers closing the old account and opening the new one.

Somewhat to my surprise, they not only accepted that, but in addition, sent me another official notice telling me so.

I’ve posted this before.

When I was a senior in HS, I got my first ticket because I made a left turn at 8:45 AM at an intersection that had posted “no left turn 7AM-9AM”. I went to court in a suit accompanied by my mother, not necessarily to contest the ticket, but hoping that the judge might let the first offense go. It turned out there was something about the ticket I hadn’t noticed: the officer had not written in the TIME of the offense. That being essential to the infraction, the ticket was dismissed.

What timing! I’m about to contest a parking ticket today, in a similar manner, though I doubt it will go to trial.

I pulled into the lot (with central pay kiosks, not individual meters) and pay for my parking at 5:15. At 5:19, a Parking Attendant not doing his goddamn job right writes me a ticket.

I’ve got proof I was paid up for that spot for 5:15-6:09 PM.

I was home from the military on leave. I had a few beers in me and it was snowing. I decided to do some donuts and spins in a large parking lot. Cops pulled me over. I was so shaken that when the cop asked for my driver’s license, I mistakenly handed him my military ID. He asked for my leave paperwork and then said I could go if my buddy drove me home.


  1. Buddy was drunker that me.
  2. Buddy had never driven a stick shift before!

He spun the tires some, but there was snow on the ground!

I got a ticket for speeding. When I looked the ticket over preparing to go and pay it I noticed that the cop said I was going north on an east-west street. I decided it was worth taking a day off work to go and contest that one. It was dismissed. A good day, really; there was a really entertaining case ahead of mine, and then I got the ticket dismissed, and then it was only 11:00 and I had the rest of the day off! Went to the beach. A good day. I shoulda sent that cop a thank-you note.

Hey! No fair telling us about an interesting case and not giving us at least a few details!

I’m not sure if this fully counts here or not, but the last time I got a traffic ticket, it was for running into a cop car. The cop -knew- it wasn’t my fault (another guy swerved into my lane, and I had to hit the cop car to avoid a -much- more serious accident), but that due to damage to the cop car, it was mandatory that he write me a ticket. He said he’d even show up in court to tell the judge just that. The lawyer at the courtroom didn’t believe my story, but I pointed out the cop, who was there. Lawyer, cop, and judge had a brief discussion before I was even called to the bench, and once I got there, the judge just handed me my license back without me even having to plea. He told me to be a safe and courteous driver and sent me on my way.

duplicate post

This guy had been busted for driving without a license. He had a lawyer who was trying to get the judge to give the guy a fine only. The judge started asking the guy questions and pretty soon it came out that he had been arrested for the same thing several times and got fines only, some of which he still hadn’t paid. His lawyer was trying to get him to shut up. Finally the guy said well I have a license over in Kentucky but it’s been suspended or something. His lawyer basically threw up his hands. Moral of the story: if you hire a mouthpiece, keep your own mouth shut. By the end the guy had talked himself right into jail.

PA does not (or at least did not) allow anyone other than the State Police to write tickets based on radar. Despite this a local jurisdiction wrote LOTS of speeding tickets based on radar including mine. I was one of the very few who didn’t just automatically pay the fine and I won.

Now, more the “get out of jail free card” – in the carefree days of my youth I was sitting on my motorcycle at a red light when I saw a county cop on his motorcycle split up the lanes, ride into this grass triangle at the light, and dump his bike. Then I noticed the flames. Due to something that had happened early in my riding career I just happened to have an extinguisher in my saddle bags. I popped onto the same island, dropped my bike and grabbed it, and put out the fire. He had one as well but his failed early on. Someone at the barn had overfilled his gas, some expanded and leaked out the vented cap, and caught fire. He gave me a card with his badge and number and told me to feel free to use it if anyone else from the County force ever pulled me over or gave me any grief. Alas I can’t say how good it was because I never had the chance to pull it out of my wallet. I’m guessing 40 years later it won’t do me much good.

Surely here is a case for this woman to be charged with an offense - she has deliberately wasted authority resources for her own personal gain.

I’d also imagine that he has some recourse to sue her for attempting to defame him, and also for his wrongful arrest and detention.

Put it this way, I would be going for blood.

My GOOJF card turned out to be my driver’s license. When I was a teen, some friends and I were driving around town and acting like assholes. I rolled through a stop sign without noticing that there was a cop car right behind me, who lit me up. I knew I’d lose my driving privilege if I got another ticket, so was sweating bullets when the cop took me back to his car. He looked at my license and said my last name, then looked at me and said “Are you Lucile’s boy?” I thought ‘oh shit’, and said “Yeah.” He glared at me and said “Does she know you’re out here acting like a fool on the streets? Do you think she’d be proud to see you sitting in a police car? Get the hell out of my car and go home, and don’t let me catch you doing stupid shit again!”

I was relieved not to get the ticket, but spent a week sweating about how he knew my mother and whether he’d rat me. One evening, my mother came home from work (she worked for the state employment agency), and at dinner casually mentioned that “That nice young man Jesse White came into the office today and we had a nice talk.” I had no idea who that was and said so. Then she tells me that he’s this cop that she helped get on with the police department, and that during the conversation, he mentioned that he had happened to run into me about a week earlier.

I waited for the other shoe to drop, but it never came. Guess he was just indirectly letting me know that I’d better behave myself.

I don’t see why. She tried to trick him into admiting wrongdoing, and he did admit to it. She didn’t know he was lying, so it was perfectly normal to report it. And his arrest and detention weren’t wrongful, either. She had brought evidences that he was up to no good. Why wouldn’t the police act on this information?

At worst, I guess she could get a restraining order to prevent her from pestering her ex husband anymore, but she did nothing wrong legally as far as I can tell, and not even morally, assuming she sincerely believed he had nefarious plans (which she probably did, since otherwise there would have been no point in trying to trick him).

Back when I was in college I received a parking ticket from the campus police. The
date this occurred was March 1st, but the officer had absent-mindedly dated the
ticket February 30th instead.

I took the ticket to the campus security office and being careful not to say that I had
actually violated the parking rules told them that I could not have committed a crime on
the date shown on the ticket. The person behind the counter looked at the ticket and
after tossing it on his desk, told me not to worry about it. I heard nothing more after that.

Its obvious that this was purely a malicious act, the fact that she tried to use this in support of a custody dispute confirms this.

In Civil courts the test of evidence is lower, balance of probability. Was she genuinely trying to prevent a crime or catch a criminal, or was it for her own interests? Was there any consideration for the effect it would have? Certainly not for the person detained.

Not hard to see how that would go.

I managed to get two tickets for speeding within the first six months or so of getting my license. I had to appear in court for my second. I sat there watching the judge throw the book at all of the people in front of me, and when it was my turn I was sweating bullets.

He read the charges and leaned down and gestured me to come close. The then said very quietly “Spud you really need to slow down… especially if you have Becca in your car.” Case dismissed… which I think really pissed off the cop.

Did I mention that Becca was the judge’s daughter and we were good friends.

Still made an impression on me and I managed not to get pulled over for five years more.

My story:
New in town and I wanted to check the local live music scene.
I had a great time. Too great, with many craft beers. I think whiskey was involved also.

After thanking the band headed out the door to home. I wasn’t driving as I lived two blocks from the bar.
I got lost, no doubt to over-imbibing.
I was standing on a street corner wondering which way to head to my place, when two city cops pulled up and stopped.

“What are you doing?” Or something to that effect.,
“Heading home.”
“You want to have a seat in back here?”
“OK.” Oh shit. I am going to jail for public intoxication.

“You been drinking?”
“I had a couple of beers.”
“I think you had more than that.”
Cue crickets chirping…

He actually drove me home, walked me up the steps and told my roommate “I think he needs to sleep this off.”

When I was a bartender, a lifetime ago, I helped the cops find a guy who murdered regular. I got out of a shit-ton of moving violations for the next 2 years.