So, there I am cruising along a little too fast and decide it’s time to pass someone.
I swing out into the left lane and there he is. A city cop on a motorcycle sitting there in a speed trap.
Fine. Nailed. Guilty as sin. 100% not-not-guilty. Normally I can talk my way out of these things, but this is one of those cops on a mission. I’m pretty sure the only words he said the whole time were “License?” and “Your court date is June 30th”.
Eh. Shit happens. Like I said, guilty as sin.
So, last week, with my deadline approaching I decide it’s time to pay the ticket. First, however, I have to figure out how much it is.
I dial the number on the ticket.
AAS: Hello. You’ve blah blah blah, hit one for a traffic fine.
Me: 1
AAS: Thank you. For moving violations press one. For-"
Me: 1
AAS: Thank you. Please enter your six digit ticket number.
Me: 123456
AAS: Not a valid ticket number. Please enter your six digit ticket number.
Me (rechecking): 123456
AAS: Not a valid ticket number. Please enter your six digit ticket number.
Me (rerechecking): 123456
AAS: Not a valid ticket number. Transfering.
…waits…
Unhelpful Girl: What do you want?
Me: I have a ticket number 123456. It doesn’t look like it’s in the system.
UG: Wait a second. Let me check something.
…About 15 minutes pass (no, not exaggerating)…
UG: Yeah, it’s not in the system.
Me: I knew that. What am I supposed to do about it?
UG: Umm…call back twice a week until it gets in the system.
Me: But my court date is only a week away.
UG: Just keep calling back.
Me: What happens after my court date? What then?
UG: Just keep calling back twice a week.
Me: Forever?
UG: It’ll get in the system eventually.
Well, here I am six hours before my court time…and it’s not in the system! Surprise of surprises!
I’d love to go to the court but I’m going to be about three hours away for work.
I wouldn’t be so concerned except my girlfriend got ARRESTED recently because of a ticket screwup involving a lost ticket and a suspended license notice being sent to her old address. The judge, being sympathetic, said, “Yeah, that’s about right. Thanks for the $600.”.
Bullshit. 100% pure, uncut bullshit.
-Speedin’ Joe