When I was a young kid of around 10 years-old a neighbor friend of mine would poke fun of me because my parents were older than his. (His mom had him when she was 21 and my mom had me when she was 30). I always told him that it didn’t matter cause his mom smoked like a chimney and she would be long dead from lung cancer before my mom ever died. We had this arguement many many times when we were kids.
I lost contact with this neighborhood “friend” sometime in high school.
Now at age 40 I hear from my mother that friend’s mom did indeed die from lung cancer. I returned to town for the funeral. I hadn’t seen this friend in almost 25 years but I kept having the urge to have my first words when I saw him again to be “I told you so!”
YES! I have no particular beef with the Salvation Army except that whoever chose those damned bells they ring picked exactly the right pitch to give me a massive headache just thinking about them.
I agree with this, and what this quote says about Maya Angelou is either
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Maya Angelou is totally the type of person who would say some pretentious horseshit like this, or
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Maya Angelou is one of those people who thinks she has everything figured out and thinks she never makes a mistake herself.
{Squints at the ultrasound} “How many heads do you see?”
I’d be biting my lips to keep that in.
when I saw the thread in IMHO titled “Migraine people, talk to me” the very first thing I wanted to do was reply with the words “…but not too loud.”
I’m in the middle of a job interview. Hanging on the wall is a poster with the names and photos of all the US Presidents. Looking at the current Commander-in-Chief, I suddenly hear Sesame Street in my head:
One of these things is not like the others…
I will never know how I got through the rest of the interview without cracking up.
I recently did a Sporcle test where you were supposed to identify baby pictures of Presidents. Snort.
In the lobby before a job interview of mine there were lots of pictures of Bush the Second, some signed (this was a few years back.) During the interview the interviewer asked “what changes would you make if you were Al Gore and you invented the Internet…”
I immediately corrected him “…Internets”. Gotta be equal opportunity there! (I didn’t get the job, but more because I didn’t have the skillset than any political differences, as evidenced by the fact that the interviewer kept looking for something I was qualified in even as we were walking out. Maybe he appreciated my chutzpah or something.)
A couple dozen years back a friend of ours had a family tragedy. Their grandparents had lived with them, the grandmother died a year back, and the granfather was extremely lonely. One day in the dead of winter the grandfather went missing. The family was distraught and in part of the search our friends younger brother got a picture of his grandfather, had it enlarged and put on a t-shirt, made some fliers of the picture, and stood on a street corner asking people if they had seen him.
The next day a police officer found him. In his grieveing he had walked to a local park(Franklin Park), lied down under a park bench, went to sleep and froze to death. Very sad.
The story made the local paper and the photo showed the younger brother on the street corner with the t-shirt on handing out flyers. Their was some writing on the shirt but you couldn’t make it out in the picture. I was with a group of friends looking at it and someone asked “What does his shirt say?”
I still regret saying it to this day but responded “My grandfather went to Franklin Park and all I got was this lousy t-shirt.”
Oh good, I’m glad to know it’s not just me and my wife that do a call-and-response to that commercial.
C’mon, man, they made you do it! 
I used to be a crisis intervention counselor. Whenever we got a suicide call, we tried to get the caller to talk about what’s going on in their lives. Many times I felt like saying, “Oh man, if I had your problems, I’d kill myself too.”
I’m glad he offed himself. What he did to you guys… How he was… It’s just better this way. If he were still alive, you’d never have a moment’s peace.
Speaking from experience, by age 3 they’re already getting a little tough and sinewy. If you want tender, you have to get to them within the first year, preferably the first 6 months.
I can picture this heavily depressed cheerleading squad, half of them smoking, and they answer “Everyone” and “Everywhere” in these flat lifeless voices. One giirls barely lifts her knee in a pretense of a kick, and the others pretty much just shrug, which makes their pom poms shake a little.
Okay, that’s probably even more inappropriate. 
One time not too long ago I worked in a high school. Almost all the students at this school were not white. One of the teachers was a middle-aged white guy who happened to be very funny and liked to push the comedic boundaries.
One day, the kids were goofing off and the teach tried to lay down the law and get the kids to open the math books. One kid sucked his teeth and in a whiny voice said “C’mon Mr. X, who do you think you are?”
Without skipping a beat, he replied “I’m the HNIC”. (Google this if you don’t know what it means)
Now this could have fallen on deaf ears or even worse. But the kids almost fell off their chairs laughing hysterically. I swear, he gained instant comedic status that lasted with him the rest of the year.
An example of when saying something that is clearly “inappropriate” can go over quite well.
A couple of (Catholic) church ones…
The priest likes to use a cadence when he says/sings “Let us pray”, kind of like “Le-e-et us praaaaay.” I once responded (sotto voce, of course!) “Oo-o-o-o-kay.”
For some reason, I just blanked on the second one, but it REALLY upset my wife…
I’m assuming the answer isn’t Hockey Night in Canada which is what my google threw up first. Of course, I AM in Canada…
Head ______ In Charge. You can fill in the blank with whatever word you want.