Had a family friend off herself through self-drowning (filled pockets with weights, etc. and went in). To this day, when asked if I have seen someone from the hold neighborhood, the thought crosses the mind, “anyone check the pool?”
Our Minister starts his benediction with, “Whatever you do, in word or in deed” I always mentally add “This Bud’s for you.” I have shared this with friends in the congregation, and there are now several of us who get the giggles every Sunday.
Which got the joke’s writer, Jimmy Carr, into lots of trouble.
My inappropriate response to this is:
“Like a smart person I limit my reading because reading can land your ass in jail for a long time.”*
Head NINJA in Charge? Sweet! I wish I had ninjas teaching at my school.
*If you enjoy reading the captions on child porn pictures.
Ex-co-worker was a piece of work. Terrible hygiene, unabashed racist/misogynist (though that was standard at that company), no volume control.
My second week there, Manager is talking to Co-worker and me about a shipment. Manager says something or other about the physical qualities of the shipment.
“I had a girlfriend like that once!” Co-worker roars.
Without thinking, I turn to him, wide-eyed, and murmur,
“You had a girlfriend?!”
Manager thought it was funny at the time, but I got in a little trouble for it later. Still worth it.
Genius.
This is a pretty bad one:
I just heard a commercial, and what I thought I heard the woman say was, “I’m all about one stop shopping, particularly when it comes to Jews.” From the rest of the commercial it became clear that she actually said shoes.