Doing!: onomatopoeic. The cartoonish sound of a brain fart escaping.
I took the morning off work to take one of the kids to the doctor.
As I was driving her there, I realized “oops, I forgot to take out my bite guard” (doohickey worn at night to prevent me from grinding my teeth into splinters while asleep). “Gosh”, I thought, “I’ll really sound like an idiot trying to talk to them with this thing in my mouth”.
Then I began to wonder how I could have failed to notice this when I ate breakfast. Because I definitely ate breakfast, and it’s sort of hard to miss a bite guard.
Then I realized: I ate breakfast, went upstairs, brushed my teeth, and put the damn thing back in my mouth. :smack:
Why yes, as a matter of fact, it is Monday today. Why do you ask? 
oh, I had a good one this past Saturday. I went grocery shopping with my son, who of course insisted on pushing the cart. We got to the deli, and I started ordering my pastrami, etc… . As I’m doing this I absent mindedly run my hand along the cart, tap out a rythm, etc… . As I am about to toss my purchases into the cart I notice it’s not our cart. The nice young woman who I stammered out an apology to seemed to be quite amused.
I blame sleep deprivation since I had a baby, but lately I have these all the time. Last week I dropped kiddo off at daycare, placing his diaper bag on the table. Then I picked up the diaper bag and brought it to work with me. When I got to work I saw the diaper bag and thought wha?? How did this get back in the car…
I had to drive back again and drop it off, explaining what had happened. The next day I almost did it again!
My husband got up in the middle of the night once to change baby’s diaper and returned to bed frustrated. “I couldn’t get his diaper off,” he says, falling asleep again. I wonder about this briefly but also fall asleep. The next morning I remember this conversation and ask husband “did you unsnap his pajamas first?”
…uhhh. No. I still giggle thinking of him trying to change the diaper through the pajamas. Poor kid.
Just last week I locked myself out of the car when I took the keys out of the ignition, locked the door, tossed the keys onto the passanger side seat without realizing it, exited the car, and slammed it behind me. :smack:
I did this once with my Mom’s car, too, and instead of staying at the gas station trying to call her, I decided to walk two blocks home and worry everyone sick. :smack:
Oh, the joys of a bite guard. Ever answer the phone with that puppy in? Bastards shouldn’t be calling me before 10:00 AM on a Saturday anyway!
My husband’s the one who has the brain fart with regard to that thing - he’ll try to give me a more involved good-night kiss than usual and forget that it’s in. I always cackle like his grandma when he does that!
I’ve had a few good ones, but my Mom’s are way better:
Me: Mom, you want a Fig Newton?
Mom: You know, I’ve never tried a Fig Newton.
Me: Here.
Mom: Mmmm, these are good! Do they have dates in them, or something?
Mom: They met at a … shoot! what is it?.. one of those impromptu jazz things where everyone plays at the same time?
Us kids: You mean a jam session, Mom? (She knew quite well what one was)
How her brain could lose a simple phrase like “jam session” but summon the word “impromptu” at a moment’s notice has always been beyond me.
My dad has the same disease. He fell once while skiing, and got the wind knocked out of him. We raced to his side to ask if he was badly hurt. His oxygen-starved brain of course came up with the easiest, least-mouth-muscle-taxing thing to say on no breath that could explain his predicament:
Dad: Diaphragm!
I was doing my grocery shopping and had quite a few items in my cart when I came to the dairy aisle, which was blocked by some boxes. I left my cart at the end of the aisle and walked down the aisle, grabbing what I needed. I returned to the end of the aisle, threw my dairy items in the cart and proceeded up the next aisle. About 3/4 of the way up the aisle, I realized that I had my dairy items in a cart full of someone else’s groceries. I quickly returned to the end of the aisle, where my grocery cart was sitting undisturbed. No one was around, so I moved the dairy items to my original cart and got the heck out of there. I’ve always wondered how long Shopper #2 spent looking for her cart before discovering it in its original location. Shopper #2 probably thinks she had a brain fart.
And of course, since it was in when you left the house, you couldn’t take it out before having to talk to anyone?
i forgot my atm pin number also, and it is the name of my dog…time to get a new dog… :smack:
my dad was teaching me to drive (keep in mind, for all of you moterist out there, i am now 33), and we were at a four way stop sign intersection, and i asked,“daddy, what should i do?”…and he said , “well, what do you think you should do?”…needless to say, after the minor fender-bending accident, he signed me up for a driving school program…i think i almost gave him a heart attack…MORAL OF STORY…NEVER, EVER ASK A SIXTEEN YEAR OLD “WHAT DO YOU THINK YOU SHOULD DO?” (especially behind the wheel of a vehicle)…BIG, BIG NO NO!!!
two weeks ago i (with my 7 yr. old son in tow) showed up for a soccer game…TO AN EMPTY FIELD…it had been moved to a different field, and i was in the know to the change, i just plain ol’ brain-farted it right out of my head… and my son was clearly thinking very loudly in his little brain"WHAT A MORON YOU ARE, MOM!".
Is your PIN possibly muffin ???
Yesterday, I was driving to Publix with my husband. We approached the new light they had put up at the intersection and stopped as it was red.
I was looking at the pretty new light with the pretty new sign when it gave me a green turn signal. I glanced at the green arrow, then the sign next to it and back at the light and sat there.
My husband asked me what the problem was and I pointed out that the sign said something to the effect of “Left Turn Yield on Green” before realizing that’s not the green light they meant. :smack:
Luckily there was no one had been behind me.
Damn ambiguous signs!
Umm… so your PIN is ‘muffin’?
Darn you to heck, laina_f. 
Anyway muffinismydog, now that you’ve broadcast your pin all across the interweb, you’ll probably want a new one!
hehe. Doing. Reminds me of this cartoon.
If “muffin” really is his/her PIN, we have a winner in the brain fart competition.
I just remembered another one I had a few years ago.
I was in the high school office and the lady at the desk needed the number on my student ID for something. So I take out my wallet, get out the card, and read the number. “That’s not it,” she tells me. “There are more digits than that.” Huh? I look at the card again, trying to find the right number. Maybe it’s on the back. No…where the hell is that stupid number? They hid it pretty well. I was staring at my student ID for a good 15 seconds before I realized that it was really my driver’s license.
:smack:
Last week I was at a wedding, which started at 6 so it was dark for the reception. This is important - it was dark for the reception which was outside in the dark. Of course there were some lights and such, but the sun was down and the sky was black, get it? And it’s cold, probably the coldest night of the young fall season, and of course we weren’t dressed for it. So my parents and I pick a table and sit down at it, and I’m deciding which chair to sit at and I say, it actually comes out of my mouth, “I don’t want to sit in the shade, it’s too cold!” “Shade” in this case meaning “slight shadow thrown by tree in front of spotlight”. As, recall, it was dark.
They’re still making fun of me.