Everyone has a photo of themself in childhood that the parents haul out periodically to make your life hell. My sister’s is the classic potty-training shot.
Mine is worse. Shortly after I was born, my family went to the Phila. zoo. A chimp jumped into my mother’s arms and my father snapped a photo. So in the album, right alongside my adorable baby photos, is one of my mother holding my older sister’s hand and cuddling a chimp in a diaper. “Oh, that’s little Eve before we dunked her in Nair,” she delights in telling people.
Believe it or not my mother doesn’t have one mean bone in her body, so I have no funny baby pictures.
I, on the other hand, I have one of my son on the pot. His pants are around his ankles, he has a huge smile on his cute little face, and is wearing a ski cap with ear flaps and a big ball on top. I’ll be sure to show that one to every girl he ever brings home!!! We are also fond of taking pictures of him when he is crying. Not only does it capture the moment forever, but it helps diffuse the tantrum he is throwing.
::sigh:: I used to think they were ALL embarassing.
The one that pegs the Embarass-O-Meter is the standard pose of me, nekkid, on a bear rug, ass flyin’ in the breeze for all to see… ::shudder::
Have parents no shame? No pity? What is this, some bizarre fraternity hazing stunt? That’s okay. I know where the picture is kept. I have a lighter. 'Nuff said.
“It’s a sunny little doomed planet, inhabited by a number of frisky little doomed animals.”
First, we have the obligatory naked baby in the bathtub picture. Actually, my parents lso have one of me washing my hair from when I was like…6.
Second, we have me wandering around our yard with a “crown” made out of these giant pop beads. Man, do I look stupid.
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Oh man, oh man, I haven’t thought about this in years…
We used to have a jungle gym in our front yard, when we lived in SoCal. Nothing big or outrageous; in fact, IIRC, it was assembled from spare parts by one of my crazy relatives. (By crazy, I mean shoot at passing trains crazy. A loon.)
So the picture is this: I’m maybe three. I’ve climbed up and am standing on top of the gym, say five or six feet off the ground. I’m naked as a jaybird, looking over at whoever took the picture, my face blissfully blank…
…and I’m peeing.
A golden arc from my youthful wing-wang, out and over the yard before gently curving to splash in the grass. The sunlight catches it, “just so.”
Any picture of me in that godawful crew-cut is enough to make me cringe.
The worst for me is when my dad plays the old reel-to-reel recordings of me reading from a joke book I had when I was five or six.
“Who was the first doctor?” “Moses, when he cured the Hebrew’s headaches with two tablets.”
I must have read the whole book out loud in front of the microphone.
The only classic baby photo of me is kinda cute… when I was like 1 or 2, I had a little inflatable raft that my parents would fill with water and let me use as a swimming pool. The classic pic is of me sitting in my swimming pool curled up and sucking on my toe.
My parents drag this goldie out every year 'round Christmas. I’m about 4, and it was supposed to be the traditional Santa picture, only when I saw Santa I completely wigged out. So the picture is of my worried-looking older sister, the panicked Santa, and me, screaming and red-faced, wriggling off Santa’s lap with my dress riding up to my belly-button, displaying my orange and green-flowered underpants.
Really shows the spirit of Christmas.
“It says, I choo-choo-choose you. And it’s got a picture of a train.”
– Ralph Wiggum
It’s an old home movie, and my mom is feeding me, I believe chocolate pudding. She gets bored with feeding it to me, and starts painting my head with it. Actually, this one embarrasses my mom rather than me. I think it’s hilarious.
me on the potty, oh course. i’ve got this dress on and sandals. i’m sitting there, legs crossed…like the perfect little lady…reading a golden book, too, i think.
there’s a series of photos (three). it’s actually more hilarious then embarassing. i’m in my high-chair. first one is me sitting there. second, there’s now a bowl of sour cream on the tray (in anticipation of these potato-cheese things) and i’m eyeing the bowl. third, my face is IN the bowl.
