Your most infuriating TV memories

Looking back on it, this could not be more stupid but, at the time, I was still a kid so…

The Powers of Matthew Star was a subpar, derivative show even by early '80s standards but because nothing else was on I saw it more often than not, though I never went out of my way to do so. Louis Gossett was enjoyable but sometimes seemed embarrassed, I do recall that.

Then the second season launched. Almost the entire storyline was altered near unrecognizably, and with absolutely no explanation. It was maddening – not because I cared for the show but because it was inept to the point of insulting. The show was already repetitive enough that it could barely get worse, but it did…darker and even more boring, as I recall.

Before that point I’d been angry whenever stations would show syndicated reruns out of sequence…a cliffhanger episode one day, the series premier the next. The unexplained (assassination-linked) name change on The Greatest American Hero irked me, too, but the Matthew Star idiocy took the outrage cake.

I look forward to reading yours.

This probably isn’t what you’re asking for but…

One day I was channel flipping, and caught a few minutes of an obvious teen soap opera. High school kids going through moral angst. “Should I tell him what I think?” “Yes, you should tell him what you think.” Banal.

Then…one of the kids melts, oozes under her bedroom door, and reforms again.

Wha’…??? What the devil was THAT!? It would be like watching Gilligan turn into a werewolf, or the two cops on Adam 12 use a Star Trek transporter.

WHAT? It took me a very long time, asking on fora like this one, before someone finally explained “The Secret World of Alex Mack” to me. High school soap opera…with miraculous super powers. Okay! The frustration was in how damn long I had to ask around before anyone knew!

That’ll do fine…infuriating, baffling, it all goes.

When it took me almost 20 years to see the second half of a 2-part episode of It’s Your Move, called “The Dregs of Humanity.”

I don’t recall either of these.

Since ESPN, ABC, and The Tennis Channel are owned by the same parent, they share covering major tennis tournaments. Sometimes, right in the middle of a match, they’ll switch from one channel to another. Wreaks havoc on your DVR watching ability. A few years ago, the men’s final was delayed a day due to rain, and they aired it on their internet site instead of allowing TTC to air it. Blood bastards.

My most infuriating network TV memory is the killing off of Gary on thirtysomething, followed by the series cancellation. One bombshell after another, and we didn’t even get to see the emotional fallout of his death.

Not infuriating, but frustrating, was watching the metamorphosis of Three and a Half Men from a cute sitcom about a dad, his brother, and his little kid into the embarrassment that it is today. A brother mooching off his brother for a year or two is somewhat funny. After 10 years, he’s pathetic. Put it out of its misery already.

When I was a kid, I watched a bizarre Canadian show called Read All About It! It’s about a group of kids who start their own newspaper and end up foiling an alien conspiracy to take over the world.

Every episode ends with a cliffhanger. At the end of one episode, a girl has to name five synonyms of a word or die by poison gas. I sat in rapt suspense as she gave the first four, but the episode ended before she gave the fifth. And my local TV network never showed any of the episodes again!

Thankfully, all the episodes are on YouTube. She does, in fact, survive. Whew.

The TV show Surface, about the kid who found and was raising a baby a sea monster. It lasted one season, and I LOVED that show. Season one ended with a cliffhanger…

…AND NEVER CAME BACK.

The times we were watching a show and it was getting to the good part and then lightning struck the house and back in those days we didn’t have a surge protector–

Oh, the shows themselves. Just about any 80’s sitcom with sappy messages, sickeningly cute kids, predictable plots, very special episodes every other week, and absurdities such as Nancy Reagan showing up at the front door to tell the kids to just say no to drugs.

And if there was a show I liked it was frequently pre-empted by a Billy Graham sermon because the guy who ran the station was a fundamentalist.

My frustrating TV memory may take a different tack here:

Years ago there was a Hallmark presentation of Laurence Olivier playing Shylock in Merchant of Venice.

It was pre-empted locally by the Iowa class “D” High School Girl’s basketball semi-finals.

It began a long history of frustration when random bullshit sports broadcasts pre-empting network television that I would rather watch.

I think the network did the right thing in starting Heidi at the scheduled time was the right decision…

Back in the mid-'80s, the first season of Crime Story was excellent, and then pretty much sucked for its second and final season. They made the mistake of killing off the main villain and then floundered around for a while before figuring out a way to bring him back.

There was another series by the same production company called Private Eye that was set in the 1950s. I liked it a lot, but the network gave it a crummy time slot and it never caught on.

Last year, Vegas suffered a similar fate.

Twin Peaks should never have been renewed for a second season. The story was finished at the end of the first, and it had nothing left to say. It was embarrassingly bad forever afterward.

I used to think Miami Vice was really good up until one of the cast members was killed off and Don Johnson started phoning in his performances. Having watched some of the early episodes in reruns, I now realize that my memories of them were somewhat … exaggerated.

It also pissed me off when Gilligan’s Island, F Troop**, Wild, Wild West**, Time Tunnel, and Rat Patrol were cancelled prematurely back in the '60s.

Another show that went downhill fast when a cast member left was It Takes a Thief. And Mission: Impossible started to suck when they went from Cold War stuff to fighting organized crime in America.

And of course, Tara King was in no way a suitable replacement for Emma Peel in The Avengers; nor was there any need for the series to go all campy.

Tuning into a show Monday nights at 8 to find out it’s going to be pre-empted for a Billy Graham special. Because not only are you going to lose that nights’ show, but every show at 8pm the whole week.
Live sporting events on the West Coast. Not seeing your favorite Saturday cartoons (or seeing them at some out of the way time) due to Big Ten football, or having to watch Z-grade movies in prime time because the baseball playoff game cleaned out the prime time schedule. Or desperately waiting for Monday Night Football to end a blowout so you could watch “MacGyver”.

The horrifying tragedy of Catherine’s torture and murder on Beauty and the Beast, followed by an insultingly forced attempt to continue the series without her.

The jarring discontinuity between the first and second seasons of Dark Angel

Two come to mind:

  1. A made-for-TV adaptation of Koontz’s Intensity. The second time somebody had a gun pointed at the psycho serial killer and froze up instead of shooting him, I said “fuck this”, changed the channel, never learned how it ended, never cared.

  2. Similarly adapted version of King’s The Langoliers. Such obvious padding and time-wasting with “I have a theory, but I can’t explain it now; we’ll have to go back to the plane so I can demonstrate it.” I stuck it out until the ending, though I’m not sure why.

Most infuriating? The finale of Newhart. Bob wakes up in bed and –

The station starts its news broadcast. The anchorman looks surprised for a moment, then goes into the news.

Granted, Newhart was supposed to run one minute over, but the tech department never bothered to fix the timing. They ran the final scene (at the end of the news to keep you watching), but that was hardly the same and I’ve never seen any reason to watch their news broadcast since.

When I was a kid, USA Network was fond of cancelling WWF shows, without notice, to air the Westminister Kennel Club dog show. It infuriated my young self.

God, I hear ya. I still hold a line of old grudges for Saturday Morning Cartoons lost.

On the other hand, there was also that one morning when I was six, when I’d actually decided to tape that Saturday’s programming lineup, before my parents where even up.

Wouldn’t you know it, it got preempted, and I had to go wake Mom and Dad up early, anyway—Dan Rather actually told me to, y’see, after the cutaway from The Flintstone Kids. Something about some ongoing protest in a square in Beijing…

I remember getting angry when my favorite shows being preempted as a kid, but I’d like to talk about something that happened recently when I tried to get into a show.

Sherlock was recommended by a relative, and turned up on Quickflix, the Aussie Netflix knock-off. I watched the first episode and fell asleep. OK, not a fair trial. I started watching the second episode while doing the ironing one Sunday afternoon.

The show is silly. Sherlock would need eyes like telescopes to see the clues that he uses for his chains of reasoning, like scratches around the power inlet of a mobile phone he glances at for a moment. The actor who plays him is 37, which is around the age when you start needing to squint at the fine print or hold menus at arm’s length. No presbyopia for our hero, though.

Those scratches, incidentally, are dead giveaways that the former owner of the phone was a drunk. Yes, because when I’m drunk, I always make sure my phone is charged. Why couldn’t the former owner – or the current one – be just plain clumsy? Or suffered an injury to hand, arm, or brain, maybe. There must be a dozen possible reasons for those scratches, but no, it’s a tell-tale that allows Mr Amazing to impress the heck out of everybody. To be fair, the original stories had similar chains of reasoning based on unlikely assumptions that always worked out. One needs to set these things aside and get into the spirit of willing belief. Fine, no worries.

Speaking of impressing everybody, people never assume that Sherlock just looked them up on Facebook or Googled their names and thus knew about their past. That would be my first guess when encountering this guy. Actually, it is possible to pose as a psychic based off information gleaned from Tumblr, so maybe he’s just running into an unusually gullible bunch of citizens. It’s London, however, which is not, I gather, an unsophisticated place. Maybe that happens in a later episode.

Where I finally gave up was when Sherlock and Watson were searching for the hideout of the Chinese smuggler gang. Sherlock orders Watson to go get some information from the home of one of the gang’s victims. He then deduces the neighborhood of the hideout, and is wandering around trying to figure out which building is the one he wants. Who should appear but Watson, holding a book. Watson says the hideout is over there. What does our deductive genius say? Is it, “Ah good, that diary you hold in your hand, the one I told you to go get, why, it must have the exact information we need to progress in our task. How unlikely, given that we’re dealing with professional smugglers. What a stroke of luck. Excellent! Let us continue our investigation.”

No. He says (something very like), “Watson! What are you doing here and how do you know that?”

That’s lifted straight from The Sign of the Four - it was a pocket watch in the original.

There’s a psychic which turns up in The Murdoch Mysteries. The first time she shows up, Murdoch thinks she’s a fraud until he gets taken in by the most blatant bit of cold reading about his dead fiancée wanting him to be happy.

The second time she shows up, her powers are shown to be real! And yet she isn’t employed by the police in a full time capacity, despite being a very useful supernatural asset in an otherwise mundane world.

Stupid woo getting in my mystery stories…