“No, I didn’t plan it all that well. I thought I would be dead by now.”
No good deed ever goes unpunished. I heard it on a M.A.S.H rerun and took it to heart.
No good deed goes unpunished—so very true!
Taste it, don’t waste it.
Spitters are quitters.
If you have duct tape, it ain’t broke!
If it ain’t broke, fix it 'til it is.
On my very first date with the woman who is now my wife, I told her my motto:
“There’s no such thing as ‘too much chocolate’.”
And darned if that motto isn’t still with me 7-1/2 years later…about 60 extra pounds of it. 
Fortunately, so is she.
"Each to their own" To remind myself that we are all different, and that that is a good thing.
"No regrets" To remind myself that I don’t want to look back when I’m old and regret not having done things.
Winners never quit. Quitters never win.
God forgives, and You & I aren’t better than He is.
A life well lived is the best revenge.
You’re dying from the moment that you’re born.
Life’s too short to be boring!
The best things in life aren’t things,
and,
Jesus is coming!
Quick everybody look busy!
Never attribute to malice what can adequately be explained by stupidity.
Piss me off, pay the consequences!
Clean mind / Clean body — Take your pick !!!
Film at eleven
Whenever I feel particularly bad about myself, I think,
“Don’t put yourself down,
you’re not worth it.”
Funny, I thought of one only this morning. ‘Dusty is better than slimey’. Well, it made sense at the time.
“Stay away from women, that’s my motto.”
“But I can’t!”
“Neither can I. That’s my trouble.”
“Dont put a sock in the toaster”
It’s always worked for me
egg
“Keep your tires warm and your beer cold.”
Yep, it was from a commercial, but it kind of stuck.
“and yet perhaps…”
or
“Hmmm, just maybe…”
“What is life but an irritating interuption of peaceful nonexistence”
“If you’re not on anyone’s shit list, you’re doing something wrong.”
“It’s easier to beg forgiveness than ask permission.”