Seriously bothered. I realize some guys are more open with expressing their feelings in public than others. But in private too? For someone to “refuse” to kiss me, even in private, that’s evidence of a real problem.
Of course if everything else is perfect, I’m not going to break up with him just for that. But over time, I hope I’d get a sense of what’s behind his refusal, and see if I can help him work on getting over it.
Man, the male and female reponses on this are effectively identical. Interesting.
FWIW, I’m a pretty tactile person, so it would drive me nuts to have no touching outside of sex. (Also, it would be completely nonsensical to be 100% okay with it during sex and 100% against it at all other times. And where do you draw the line?)
You have to put your penis inside her vagina before you can shake her hand and say “Nice to meet you.”
Dealbreaker for me, assuming the person is of my generation or younger. I guess older people could be prudes about PDAs, but at my age, I’d assume the person was either emotionally damaged or profoundly uninterested in me. Either way, taters dude.
My husband’s first wife was like this. Except she started being this way in private, too, during the honeymoon.
Bingo. How the hell did he land me, anyway? Dive straight for my crotch? I find most PDA nauseating but if I grab your hand and you shy away, we’re having a long, boring conversation about it. And if there’s no good explanation, we’re done. Even if it’s… hell, really specific OCD or something. I need back massages, and stupid photo booth snaps, and my hands rubbed when they’re cold.
Yep. I can consider this a personal preference, and admit that hey, it’s a quirk I could learn to live with. But I don’t see how it’d get far enough for me to look past it, unless we were friends for a dozen years first and I already knew about it.
Edit to clarify: I wouldn’t be bothered that they didn’t do what is expected, but it’s just that I am more tactile than that. not a TON more tactile, but no contact at all unless it’s sex would have me going to a masseure within a year.
Is my new lover Stephan Hawking? Because otherwise, he’d never have gotten to the ‘lover’ part to begin with.
First, " I’m not even going to pretend to share my cheesecake, much less the lemon meringue pie"? I really don’t get it. So, you know where I’m coming from here.
Personally, I don’t like to be touched. Handshakes I can tolerate, but not hand holding. Wall-E has more courage than me. Hugs? I just cringe. The quicker, the better, but in my mind I really want to shove you away…hard. Never been kissed, it wasn’t really big in my family anyways. To be honest, I don’t get it.
So, if I were in a relationship, I hope she’d look at the other things I do. Be it listening to her, cooking, check her car’s oil and tire pressure. Society may say that PDAs are signs of love, but they are not the only ones.
I’d be looking for another relationship.
I’m big on holding hands, kissing, cuddling, and especially cuddling up to sleep.
I’m a lass and I picked the vexed option.
I would never know about the hotness in the sack if there were no kissy-huggy-touchy stuff first. Pretty much a requirement.
I’m a Traditional Girl. That means touching goes before kissing, kissing before octopus-style making out, making out starts before taking your clothes off. I’m not much of a toucher in general and don’t like holding hands (I have Hands of Death anyway), but there is a Proper Order to follow, dagnabit!
I broke that rule once. Never again. If he doesn’t touch unless he’s already trying to unbutton my trousers, said garment will stay firmly in place.
Oh, my. Can I change my answer?
All this, and she’s a Vulcan? Okay, I definitely want to change my answer now.
K. This is more the public figure / public image conundrum. I need to change my answer as long as there is sufficient closed-door romance, massage, and earlobe nibbling. It’d be like every date is a date where they live with their parents, but in reverse: You’d have to kiss the Hell out of them at the front door (enough to last all day) before you open it, not after its closed. Course, I’d probably pack 2 umbrellas and a blanket in a backpack for those “I really need you right now” moments. (I’d Really miss the hand holding thing though).
Hell, if the magic was there, I’d be tempted to tell you to get one of those ugly blue rain ponchos in quadruple extra large just to see if two would fit in it, but I’m worried Skald would be right there to blow a whistle and throw down a yellow flag…
Seven years between weeks of sex? I’m not Prince Philip…
Upon this, I could probably deal with it. My SO and I rarely engage in any sort of PDA. It would be hard to go to never, we do hold hands on occasion, and always kiss goodbye (but we don’t just kiss for the sake of kissing like some people do).
But as long as he is willing to kiss and hug plenty in private I could totally deal.