Responding to almost any quizzical statement: “One would hope.”
Zombies!
If someone says “I’m having a bad day, I always say 'No, you had a bad moment. Don’t let bad moments become bad days.”
Twenty-year-old zombies! That must be a record around here. And it includes a poster who apparently did something so bad, their name was erased.
The one I tell my kids all the time is “Play the movie” This means when you make a decision, play the rest of the "movie"in your head to see if its going to work out. Look for unintended consequences.
“My teeth are floatin’.”
My younger son used to say “sometimes you have to break all of the eggs”, mostly to confound his friends.
‘Not in a good way’ is a useful answer to many, many stupid questions.
I have been known to curse in Klingon when frustrated. It’s satisfying, and one can do it in the middle of an elementary school without causing a ruckus.
When one of my sister’s granddaughters was holding her stomach, she asked her if her stomach felt funny. She replies “Yes, my tummy is doing ha-ha’s.” That quickly became our family expression for slight physical discomfort.
“…for potato’s sake.” From an episode of Lexx in which we meet the inhabitants of the planet Potatoho, where potatoes are sacred.
“All over hell and half of Georgia.” Scattered over a wide area. Mom was fond of this one, usually pertaining to the contents of my bedroom.
“Zhopa e ruchkoi.” Russian. You don’t want to know what it means; google it if you must. Symptomatic of frustration and/or anger. Interchangeable with “Web woVoD,” colloquial Klingon, meaning “you are a disgrace to the Empire.” Weirdly enough, using the SECOND phrase once caused a student to ask me if I was Russian.
“…went through (noun) like Sherman went through Georgia.” To do considerable damage to a thing; to consume a thing utterly; to quickly yet thoroughly finish a task, albeit messily. Another one of Mom’s.
“Burma Shave Series.” A series of novels that tell one story, rather than telling a story with each novel; a series you have to read ALL the books in to find out what happens in the story, e.g. A Song Of Ice And Fire (Game Of Thrones). And yes, I remember Burma Shave signs.
“…Until the toads come home.” A long period of time, indicative of futility. The actual phrase is “Until the cows come home,” which makes more sense, but I thought it was boring.
CAT SCRUM: When two cats have a loud disagreement over the pecking order at three in the morning. Alternatively, two humans having a loud disagreement over a trivial issue.
WILD RUMPUS: a semi-unplanned outing to go drive around, look at things, shop, and go someplace we haven’t been lately. An excursion, a day trip. Tamer that the name suggests, but I am old, and a really good hobby shop is about all the excitement I can stand these days.
FLOATING NIGHTMARE: a Special Education student with significant special needs and/or maladaptive behaviors, and difficult parents who move him from school to school because (a) an incident at his last school has made things awkward, and (b) perhaps this new school will somehow magically fix his problems.
JACK NICHOLSON SOLUTION: When in order to achieve a goal, one takes a roundabout series of subsolutions, culminating in the achievement of the original goal, usually because an arbitrary obstacle has been placed in one’s way. From the film “Five Easy Pieces,” in which Jack must do this in a diner just to get toast.
“I KNOW/HE KNOWS KUNG FU:” “This guy doesn’t really have any idea what he’s talking about, does he?” From the sheer number of people in the early seventies who seemed to think that watching a few Bruce Lee inspired films bestowed mastery of the martial arts.
G’DUNGE: An awkward landing from any height. Coined originally by Johnny Hart in his “B.C.” comic strip, now usually applied to a cat whose plans and/or reflexes didn’t quite fall together they way they should’ve.
“RODE THE CEILING FAN TO VALHALLA.” Originally referred to a BADLY startled cat who has exploded in a puff of speed and fur; now simply means “to react badly to being startled.”
SHATNERIZING: To be overdramatic or to overact, especially with the use of odd speech pauses and big hand gestures. Theatre people often refer to it as “milking the giant cow.”
PEP RALLY:
(1) A meeting or gathering whose purpose is to drum up enthusiasm or support in the audience for a cause or group, i.e., a high school football team or a politician.
(2) A meeting or gathering that serves no purpose aside from to gather and hold an audience so that a Very Important Person may deliver a speech or performance to said captive audience and have his/her ego stroked in the process.May also serve as a dominance display by said Very Important Person, to remind the audience who’s in charge.
Notable in that (2) can be distinguished from (1) by the lengths the organizers will go to in order to manipulate the audience into attending, and the lengths they will go to to KEEP THEM THERE, i.e., busing them in so they can’t leave, or chaining off the parking lots to prevent early escape. The phrase “…one hundred percent attendance!” is also popular with a Type 2.
Q-TIPS: persons tricked, manipulated, or forced into attending a Pep Rally (type 2). Their function is to demonstrate to all how VERY many people are attending this extremely important meeting!
…and aside from that, their importance is nil.
GOATSKINS MOVIE: A cheaply made film; a film that aspires to be Game of Thrones or Lord of the Rings, but couldn’t afford to rent horses, much less build actual sets. Any buildings will be existing ruins, or merely a handy copse of woods, and the actors will either be wearing rented Renfaire gear, or will be dressed in costumes cobbled together from goatskins or IKEA rugs.
This usually implies that the film isn’t very good, but not always.The original phrase was “a Goatskins In The Woods Movie,” but it’s been truncated through the years. Originally referred only to fantasy films, but can nowadays refer to ANY film using existing locations and whatever clothes and props the actors brought with them. There are quite a few zombie movies fitting this description.
BLURGLE, aka BORBORYGMUS: A mythical monster of which house cats are terrified or at least rather disturbed by.
This creature can be heard, and cat reactions observed, when said cat is either on or near your stomach when it growls… or when the cats’ water dispenser disgorges some water into the receptacle, thus releasing a bubble into the reservoir.
Startles the crap out of cats.
HAMMERSPACE: an extradimensional space, larger on the inside than the outside, with no apparent way in or out, yet accessible from this physical universe. Notably, it’s where Bugs Bunny keeps the big wooden mallet he whacks people upside the head with, as well as the little pre-lit sticks of dynamite he is known to hand out.
Also refers to a thing that appears without warning in real life, as well as to a thing that disappears in real life, such as a car that appears out of nowhere just as you were about to turn, or where Uncle Ed is putting all the food he’s tucking away.
Said when I think someone is fibbing, but I don’t want to call them out directly:
“You can’t pull the wool out from under my nose!”
I don’t remember if I made it up or got it from Loony Tunes. It sounds like something that dopey vulture would say.
If you know what you’re doing, it’s not an adventure.
I make up a dozen or so every day. I’m alone with the dogs all day long, and naturally I sing made-up songs and explain my every task to them (one dog will come check on me if I don’t).
For some reason, a lot of these narrations rhyme:
“I 'gwine sashay downstairs, in my mama’s underwear.”
“Git along little doagies, don’t be ol’ fogies!”
“Stay away from the blow, and all that yellow snow.”
“And here I go, swingin’ low… gonna be a 'ho, gotta put on a show.”
My sister also refers to coincidences as “life’s little ha-ha’s.” I say that a lot.