So, ladies and gentlemen, it has come to my attention that there is a distinct lack of knowledge in the community about how to deal with public restrooms. My latest humorous encounter was in a men’s room shared by several lawyers’ offices (not particularly high class, but not “I’ll make sure you get the settlement you’re entitled to for only $29.95. Mowimy po polsku”), wherein a sign that said, “Please remember to flush” was hastily affixed.
Seriously.
So, let’s have everyone share their routines and see if we can’t maybe take the best ideas and put them together into a little book for the clueless.
When faced with a toilet, do you:
Sit
Line with toilet paper
“Hover” I.e. see if you can clench your quads and unleash you sphincter at the same time
Monkey Squat
Actually flush a urinal?
Flush toilets with hands or feet?
Ever request, or have been requested to perform a courtesy flush? If so, how often?
Talk to people in adjacent stalls/urinals?
Mistake the urinal for a stall?
Men: leave the seat down while urinating?
Laugh at the noises coming out of other people?
What three things do you think that other people who use public restrooms need to know?
I suppose if you have any good stories, we can share them to. I might even tell the story about how I stopped a multi-million deal between a Merril Lynch and a client from happening (at least while they were still at the urinal).
Sit
Line with toilet paper
“Hover” I.e. see if you can clench your quads and unleash you sphincter at the same time
Monkey Squat**
Sit. Actually flush a urinal?
Never used one. I’m just not that kind of girl Flush toilets with hands or feet?
I use my hands. I just don’t understand why people use their feet for this. I mean, do DO wash your hands afterwards, right??? Ever request, or have been requested to perform a courtesy flush? If so, how often?
I’m not even sure what that means! Talk to people in adjacent stalls/urinals?
Nope, no way. Toilets are for peeing and taking a dump and that is IT! I just cannot understand the women at work who routinely use the women’s bathroom as some sort of social gathering area! Mistake the urinal for a stall?
I am not a man, but surely it wouldn’t be that hard to tell the difference?! Laugh at the noises coming out of other people?
Mate, if there’s strange noises coming out of people in a bathroom… believe me, it usually means I DON’T want to be anywhere near it! Also, noises usually accompany bad smells. Laughing would involve breathing in the noxious fumes! What three things do you think that other people who use public restrooms need to know?
Please, just do your thing and get out. No social chit-chat.
Seat covers always if I need to take a dump but I avoid taking a dump at public places.
I flush urinals before and after I use them because very few people at my school know how to flush and it’s gross peeing on top of someone elses pee because of the splash factor.
Depends on the toilet if I flush with hands or feet.
What is a courtesy flush? Is that one you do so people don’t hear you farting when you unload.
I will talk to the person at the next urinal if it’s someone I know.
Mistake the urinal for a stall? Huh?
Sometimes I’m to lazy to lift the seat or the seat is to nasty to be lifted.
Sometimes you can’t help but to laugh at a person grunting, farting and going “Oh my goodness, oh my goodness…yes”.
3 things you should know
Guys you don’t have to stand up real close to the toilet and turn sideways because nobody is looking at your dick.
After you take a crap take about 5 seconds and flush the toilet.
When people are in the toilet stall trying to unload don’t come in the restroom and take a long time because chances are that person in the stall is holding it in until you leave.
Actually, a courtesy flush is flushing the toilet mid-dump (as it were) in an effort to minimize some of the odors. Not only am I sure the cf doesn’t work, but it’s also a little disgusting in and of itself. It was apparently common at the last place I worked (sort of restroom etuquette) although I doubt it’s efficacy.
If the kids are with me, make realistic fart noises with my mouth for the entertainment of us all.
Laugh silently at other people’s noises, if necessary. (yes, I’m immature, but I’m happy)
When finished, open stall and staying as far away as possible, flush with my foot. I hate the thought of all that flying vapor.
Thing people should know: Don’t leave a disgusting mess! Someone has to clean that up, you…you…you…disgusting mess-maker! Take particular care during that time of the month not to leave evidence, please.
When I have to take a leak, I go into a stall, close the door, turn around and grab the top of the door and flip my legs up so that I end up hanging over the door by my knees. Then I push my pants up and whizz, while singing “The Impossible Dream” from Man of La Mancha. The dismount I use depends on the height of the ceiling.
Sometimes the other guys in there are so stunned, they end up pissing on each other.
~
I once worked at HOMEDEPOT…and I saw some pretty gross things in the restroom. First, amazing how some people DO NOT wash their hands! This I found gross and disgusting! I also saw that many people think that it is their right to throw paper towels, newspapers on the floor-I mean, theres a barrel there for paper, duh!
But lastly, those animals who don’t flush–eww, what is their problem?
Wipe down seat with toilet paper, avoid talking/answering cellphone/laughing out loud at the people in the restroom while on the pot, etc. Flush with feet if possible but probably just as often with hands. Wash hands.
I wash my hands pretty compulsively, to the point my skin gets woefully dehydrated at times. And every time I see someone exit a stall and bypass hand-washing I twitch inside and make a mental note to avoid hand-shaking with them.
2.) Line with toilet paper
Sometimes, depends upon where it is. Walmart??? a service station bathroom?? Absolutely, a small office building bathroom shared by a limited number of women? Naah.
“Hover” I.e. see if you can clench your quads and unleash you sphincter at the same time
Never
Monkey Squat
No idea what that means.
Actually flush a urinal? N/A
Flush toilets with hands or feet? Feet, yes, I wash my hands AFTER I go, but no telling what the last person touched or did before they touched the handle, and no sense taking any chances.
Ever request, or have been requested to perform a courtesy flush? If so, how often?
No
Talk to people in adjacent stalls/urinals? Only family members, for instance if my mom and sister are shopping.
Mistake the urinal for a stall? N/A
Laugh at the noises coming out of other people?
No, although occasionally I’ve been totally shocked at the noises coming out of other people.
What three things do you think that other people who use public restrooms need to know?
For crying out loud, WASH YOUR HANDS. I was in Fred Meyer today, and as I was washing my hands a lady came out of a stall, walked right past me, looked at me and left without washing. Usually even non hand washers are "shamed’ into it when they know someone’s watching…I mean wow.
Moms??? If you are trying little Bobby Jr. CLEAN UP AFTER HIM!!! Pools of urine all over the seat and floor, shreds of toilet paper everywhere. Good grief, way too many people in this country appear to have been raised by wolves.
My personal pet peeve. In a locker room, do NOT use the bathroom stalls to dress in. What a bunch of prima donna pwecious pwincesses!!!
