Your "Puritan Valentine's Day" cards

These images have been floating around Facebook the last couple of days. Please add your own. Here’s mine:

I am drunk on your love. Please visit me at the stockade.

Roses are red. Violets are blue. Our clothes are gray as God intended them to be.

It is inappropriate for a woman to read. A man must instruct you in praying for forgiveness.

I would give you my heart but it is currently being used to keep me alive. Upon my death, you may use it in a respectful manner.

Vilets are blue
roses are red
keep this bunch in your pocket
so you won’t smell the dead