Your sartorial pet peeves?

I buy men’s pants for the pockets. I fraking hate carrying a purse. Before I had a baby, I could wear pants from the boys’ department. Now I have to buy men’s and hem them, because a 30 inseam is still too long. At least I own a sewing machine.

I have been known to use my sewing machine to add pockets to skirts. Adding them to pants is harder, because they won’t lay right. I tend to buy loose skirts. I even make my own skirts sometimes, and they have tons of brilliant pockets.

The worst thing about purses is that when you rarely carry one, it’s easy to forget it.

I’ve considered going full-on drag for special occasions, just for the pockets.

Among the other annoyances of pregnancy (and they are many), was my inability to wear men’s clothes. I did fine one pair of shorts with pockets, and I think I wore them every single day in August of 2006.

Disagree. Polyester, nylon and other synthetic fabrics are terrible for daily dress or casual clothing, but wonderful for active wear. Polar Fleece jackets, Under Armour golf shirts, polypropylene long johns, synthetic rash guards for ocean and beach clothing? All wonderful stuff. If you’re going to sweat or get wet for any other reason, modern synthetic fabrics kick ass over any natural fabric.

When baseball season starts, watch the pitchers’ uniforms. All but a few pitchers wear their pants so long, they must be walking on them.

I do. My glasses go there when I’m not wearing them. I’m nearsighted, but it’s fairly slight, so I only need my glasses for driving or watching TV / looking at a screen. I’d rather not wear them all the time, and that pocket is perfect for putting them in.

Misironed clothing: trousers, either no line or the line has to be completely vertical when you stand up. It shouldn’t be a diagonal and it definitely shouldn’t be twisty.
Dresses in styles that would have been starched within a thread of their lives (Hairspray-inspired, say) which look more like the wearer has been rolling around in them.
Flipflops at work. Actually, just flipflops…

One of the many reasons to love Terry Pratchett books is the wonderful Paul Kidby cover art, which absolutely understands the characters:the cover of *I Shall Wear Midnight * depicts 16 year old witch Tiffany Aching wearing a skirt with pockets. Because of course she’s busy, and she needs them.

The ubiquity of sleeveless tops (or cap-sleeved tops) for women. Listen, fashion industry; we are not all Michelle Obama. Would you please put a real sleeve on the damn tops? I had fat upper arms when I was a skinny kid, and I have them now, too. I don’t want to show them to the world all summer.

It’s getting worse. Now men are wearing those orangey-brown shoes with ***black ***suits/slacks. Ick.

Matching socks. “La-dee-da, look at me! I can make my left foot look like my right foot!” Pretentious fops.

Actually, I hate dress pants that have no break. I think it looks totally ridiculous. “Hey Mr. Businessman, are you getting ready for a flood?”

Skinny jeans. Not a good look on anyone, even if they are thin. What’s even worse in when they’re worn with totally flat sandals.

Speaking of flat shoes, ballet flats look really cute on the shelf but not so much with almost any outfit I see them paired with.

Short sleeve suits. I know it’s hot out, especially here in FL, but ladies ,please find something else for your professional look.

Ombre hair. It reminds me of when girls used to put Sun In on their hair and how awful it looked when the orange part grew out.

Oh my gosh, why didn’t I think of this??? I get pissed off every weekend when I do the laundry and there are like nine pockets on every item of my stepson’s clothes. There’s even a pocket in his bathing suit! But can I ever have a bloody pocket? NOOOOOOOOO!

I subscribe to a service that sends me clothing, because I’ve pretty much developed a phobia of it (see irrational pocket anger, above) and last month they sent me several blouses that were all 100% polyester. They felt like styrofoam. I sent them back again, with a note that said in essence, “This is Florida, are you trying to kill me? Because dead is what I would be if I went outdoors wearing this shit.”

I did. For years. Ironing while watching TV was actually therapeutic. But who’s got time for that anymore? I’m over that shit. Now it’s: laundered, pressed, no starch, hung (not folded). Brittle buttons are the casualty, but I’m learning to deal.

Warms my cold, still heart that folks are debating whether grey suits and brown shoes are fashion forward or a fashion don’t.

As with so many things in life, it depends on respective shades of grey and brown.

In fact, I just bought a beautiful medium grey suit with a subtle glen check and a very discrete brown stripe. Perfect with a dark brown pair of shoes.

But those dark charcoal or black suits with brown shoes - that I just can’t abide.

Yep, and you better hope you have tall socks on when you sit down.

Most blazers and suit jackets have the pockets sewn shut. This is because the majority of clothes are made overseas and jacket pockets will have less tendency to become misshapen during shipment if they are sewn shut.

There are real pockets there. You are supposed to cut out the thread holding the pockets closed to make them accessible. If you have the jacket tailored, the seamstress will normally remove the thread in the pockets, but they don’t always do.

Before I read anybody else’s I have to add mine:

Manufacturers of women’s clothing who space the buttons on shirts too far apart so that you get gapping between the breasts. I’ve tried on so many otherwise gorgeous tops and had to refuse to buy them because of this one silly, stupid flaw.

This is completely irrational, I know, but I hate navy blue jackets paired with khaki pants. The only reason that would be acceptable is if you and Muffy are taking the yacht out this weekend.

The trend among young black men for having their pants hanging off their asses. I have to fight the urge to hit them up side the head every time I see it. A kid down the street passes my house all the time, shuffling along like a woman in a kimono because duh, it’s hard to walk with your pants around your thighs.

And then there’s running. An idiot cousin of mine was on the local news. During a traffic stop he did a Rodney King and made a run for it with news copters following. He’s on the eleven o’clock news coming up to a road block and trying to flee on foot - except his pants are hanging off his ass and he trips over them before he makes it three steps.

At family barbecues (between incarcerations) he’s always going on about how he’s a budding criminal mastermind that will one day run the state. Uh-huh.

I don’t understand those at all. You have to choose one or the other, boots or peep toes. If it is warm enough for your toes to show, it’s too warm for boots. Pick another pair of shoes.

I love those. I wear them all the time with blazers and don’t really run into that problem.

Irrational, but I hate short sleeved, Peter Pan collared blouses for grown women. Hate them. They look like little girls’ clothes. They’re overly twee and cutesy and project an image that says “don’t take me seriously, I’ve dressed like a child.” I want to tell the women who wear them to grow up and buy some damn sleeves.

I also like sleeveless shirts under blazers. I find that blazers feel constrictive to start with. If I add sleeves, all I can think about is how bunchy everything is.

My sartorial pet peeve is sleeveless dresses that don’t come with lingerie straps. I hate when bra straps get away.