This has more of a financial implication, but have you considered staying at the hotel with your mom? Sort of a “hey Mom, girls weekend time! We’ll go to the hotel salon and get our nails done, and go shopping and come back and get room service and watch a chick movie on the hotel pay-per-view!” Then, you can still retreat to your own (hotel) room to sleep. Maybe it would seem more like a mini-vacation together if you were both at the hotel.
I’m sort of funky about having people stay over in our tiny apartment, but I can deal with it better in a hotel where the space isn’t my personal space.
What the hell does she want? A hotel isn’t good enough, your apartment isn’t good enough - maybe you should tell her to come visit when she grows up. (By the way, I support you setting boundaries with your mom 100%. Just because she’s your mom doesn’t mean she gets a pass on treating you like shit.)
Don’t play into this ;j “Oh fine, just disown your poor mother who only went through 26 hours of AGONY to bring your too-precious-for-your-own-family arse into this world. That’s fine. I’ll just stay home alone and DIE here all by myself because my daughter HATES me” ;j shtick.
If you offered and she refused, you’re off the hook. “Sorry that doesnt work for you, mom. Lemme know if you change your mind! kthxbye!”
What she wants is for Fionn to have automatically have said, “Oh, please, Mother, come to stay in my apartment. It will be ever so much fun!” In other words, she wants her daughter to actually want her to stay there. It’s like all these arguments between couples about him never bringing her flowers. That ain’t about the damn flowers, and this ain’t about the damn hotel. Not really. It’s about wanting someone to think enough of you to want to do something, without any prodding from you.
Or, I suspect, wanting to tell people that someone thinks enough of you to want to do something without any prodding from you. Based on her comments about her friends all getting to go stay with their kids, I think she’s feeling like the odd man out in her peer group. Being the only one whose kid doesn’t make with the invitations…well, that looks like you two don’t get along well, and to some people that looks like she was a bad mother to you. And while that may all be true, it’s generally not the sort of picture people want to present to the world, you know?
So I’d guess that she wants at least the appearance of the sort of relationship all her friends seems to have with their kids. And it’s not impossible that she genuinely wants that sort of relationship, but honestly doesn’t understand why the two of you aren’t close. People are often blind to their assholish tendencies, and the most assholish are often the blindest, at least in my experience.
Think of it this way - her staying with you over night in your small apartment can’t be any worse than the time you upchucked all over her while she was trying to clean diarrhea out of your feetie pajamas - for the second time in one night.
