When I was about 12 I was with my mum and one of her friends (lets call her “Hope”) and the conversation turned to the topic of models.
Me: I think models are just bimbos anyway.
Mum: Hope is a model.
Me (trying to dig myself out of this hole): er, I meant the good ones, er…
Mum and Hope: :silence:
Me: :o :smack:
In another I was driving in a car with my girlfriend and relating a story about my ex-girlfriend’s grandmother who would drive around round-abouts the wrong way because she was old and stupid. Unfortunately I referred to my ex-girlfriend’s grandmother as my “girlfriend’s grandmother”. The rest of the drive was conducted in utter silence.
In another I was in a mixed age class at school that everyone would attend once a day. It was a 20min session where people just talked, caught up on homework or sometimes had class discussions. This day an older girl was saying something very nice and mature about nerdy kids being given a break and stuff. For some bizarre reason I felt the need to point out the type of person she was talking about. I stood up, pointing and shouting at the class nerd, “Him! Him! He’s one!” Everyone just sat there looking at me. Behind the silence I could sense one of my friends trying desperately to supress giggles of disbelief. Sigh.
The “nerd” in question ended up working at a university with my mother.
I had a close call earlier this month. Here’s a little background:
I have this desk calendar that lists not only American holidays but other days that are to be recognized for whatever reason. So I am fond of wishing people Happy Canadian Thanksgiving or Arbor Day or Belgian Bank Holiday or whatever. I came this close to wishing my Japanese (as in, when she goes home for the summer, it’s to Japan) workstudy student a Happy Pearl Harbor Rememberance Day.
I realize the midget & dead baby are worse, but this one would have just killed me, that I could be so insensitive as to not realize they were together.
I’ve thought of one.
Talking to a coworker, I was telling her about some woman who called up and was whining about our telemarketers bothering her (justified, I’m sure). My coworker said “How old did she sound?” And I said “Old, you know - 40ish”. You guessed it - my coworker was 39 (I was 28). :o She’s never let me live *that * one down.
Ok, to preface: I was dating this guy who used the word “gay” in a derogatory manor—like “That movie was so gay” and whatnot. I hadn’t used “gay” in that fashion since I was in about 6th grade and found out what a gay person is and was not happy with his use of the term.
…So I was working at a little café type restaurant when one evening two very obviously homosexual women came into the store. I was explaining the merits of the different sandwiches and mentioned that one had a “secret sauce” on it. They asked if it was just like McDonalds’ sauce. I asked them what McDonalds’ secret sauce was. They replied it was just 1000 Island and ketchup or some such combination. So of course I replied “Well that’s gay!”
I just went into the back room until they left and tried very hard to slit my wrists on some stale bread. I know I should have apologized, but what do you say? “Oh sorry, m’am, obviously you are very gay yourself and offended by what I said…” Luckily, everyone who ate at that restaurant at that hour (and most who worked there) were very drunk, so there was no scene.
I came down with ‘foot in mouth’ disease just last week.
Me and some friends were playing UT2004 Deathmatch. We were having a pretty good time, headsets, taunting, drinks…the whole kit-n-kaboodle.
There were about 10 of us playing and there were a couple folks who I didn’t know to well who were logged into the server. Well, one guy was just getting his ass handed to him game after game. I taunted ‘Man, you’ve played this before right’? … the person said ‘Yea, it’s just hard to play one-handed.’
My witty reply was ‘Jeez put down the porn for a second’. Well, his reply wasn’t quite as witty…he said: ‘No, I only have one useable arm, the other was paralyzed in an accident’.
I work at a hospital whose primary software vendor is McKesson. While i was installing a rather cumbersome package with 3 other guys i work with in a trailer for testing purposes, there were 2 representatives of McKesson sitting quietly filling out paperwork that none of us knew were there. One of my associates said he was in the wrong business and was thinking about becoming a programmer to make some “real money.” So i piped up loudly and said “Yeah, even if you make really shitty applications like McKesson you can still charge out the ass and you’d be sitting pretty!” The reps stood up and looked at me–they were livid.
This one was entirely my own fault. I always try to use a little humor when seeing my patients (on the order of “Have you ever had this before? Well, you’ve got it again” etc.) One day I was admitting a hospitalized patient and as I started to uncover her legs, I said “Let me see your feet. Still got two?” Unfortunately, I had admitted her a month before when she had one leg amputated. Luckily, she had a good sense of humor and knew mine. I’ve sort of cut back on the jokes recently.
Today was the day of our office’s Christmas pot-luck special. One of the other guys had volunteered to bring in egg rolls and peach cobbler made by his wife, who does a bang-up job on both. However, he went on vacation yesterday through the end of the year.
Noon comes and goes. Cow-orker #2 hasn’t shown, so cow-orker #1 calls him at home and leaves him a rather hilarious assbite on the voice mail. Not 10 seconds after #1 hangs up, #2 walks through the door saying, “Bet you guys thought I wasn’t going to show up, didn’t you?”
Cow-orker #1’s face is still red. And we will be dumping on him for months to come over this one.
