You're 23. You have a kid. Grow the fuck up, already.

The BBQ Pit
1

I live in a house that has been broken up into apartments. Downstairs on one side live my landlords ( the nicest older couple you’ll ever meet), and on the other their grandson, his fiancee and their 1 year old (tomorrow) son. They are living rent free in a kinda 3/4 apartment-no kitchen, no full bath, they use the landlord’s. I’ll call the kids Doug, Joy and Doug jr.

Doug is a nice guy. He has happily helped me move heavy furnature up to my place before, and he always seems friendly. He has skills. I’ve seen him working on his car outside, and he is putting the kitchen into the place they are living. But…he dosen’t seem to DO anything. I see him bopping off with his friends, all hours of the day and night. Poor Joy is often left alone to fend for herself and care for the baby. They never seem to have any money. I guess it’s progress-he used to sell crack. Joy says he dosen’t anymore, and I believe her. Tonight she knocked on my door to borrow a cigarette. I was happy to give her one. She told me Doug was out trying to find his brother, who was reportedly high on several different drugs and alcohol, and driving a scooter somewhere in Havre de Grace. ( my suggestion? Check for bloody heaps beside Rt. 40 ) She said he had gone out with his brother earlier, and had admitted he had smoked one bowl of crack. Her response was completely justified, IMHO. " Your son is having his 1st birthday tomorrow, and we can’t even afford to buy him a cake, and you’re smoking crack???" I told her she had to look out for one person-Doug, and I meant the little one. I just don’t know what to make of this guy. Acording to her, he’s not a crack addict-he does it very rarely. With that drug, it’s like playing Russian Roulette, but with 5 chambers loaded. There are people who can use it very occasionally-but they are rare, rare, rare. Is he on the upswing path? From dealer to getting a normal job and providing for his family? I dunno. I’d like to think so-but as an observer, I wish he would hurry the fuck up and do it. This is grown up time now. Kiddy play time is over. You’ve got a future wife ( maybe) and a son. Be a man, not a weasel. I saw her later on, and she said he had apologised and admitted he was wrong, so maybe there is hope.

One final note. I know a lot of you are going to want to jump on Joy for being there. Unfortunately, she has very few options right now. She’s young (19-20ish) prolly only HS degree, if that, and has to take care of Doug jr. He is, and he should be, her #1 priority. She’s very nice, a good mom, pretty and friendly. She even goes outside to smoke so the baby isn’t exposed to 2nd hand smoke. She DOES deserve much better-but she’s living with the results of some poor choices. That’s why I hope Doug gets his act together. He shows every sign that he could, if he’d just grow the fuck up!
BTW, nobody should be without a cake on their 1st birthday, so I went out and bought a Carvel ice cream cake that said “Happy Birthday” and a candle shaped like a one for Doug jr. He’s the happiest baby, and I was wondering what to get him anyway.

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You’re a good man, Dave.
That’s a tough situation and what you said is true: it’s Russian Roulette for Doug and the odds are, if he admits to using once, he’s using a heck of a lot more. I’ve got more to say on this, but I don’t feel like getting anti-drug preachy, so…

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Except for the “Tonight she knocked on my door to borrow a cigarette. I was happy to give her one.” part, you’re my hero. Doug Jr. should be the focus for Doug Sr., Joy, and yourself in this matter. Unfortunately, only two of you have that goal in mind.

Whatever happened to you and the Patch, Dave? That seemed to last about as long as Trent Dilfer’s honeymoon in Baltimore.

4

Christ Dave, my first off-the-cuff suggestion is to move. But if you’re borrowing trouble (as a good neighbor should, I admit) you can only do so much. You did right by the kid with the cake thing, bravo. Baby Kate had a cake on her birthday and enjoyed it so much (DESTRUCTION!) that I firmly believe they should be issued by the government for all one year olds if their parents can’t afford it.

Other than that, if he’s actually using he’s got a decent chance of hitting the downward spiral. And that’s going to be a harsh thing all around. Good luck.

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Sadly, the problem isn’t that Doug is immature. The problem is that he is a junkie, and he’s going to stay a junkie until he hits rock bottom - which includes Joy and Doug Jr. leaving.

Let’s be frank; Doug’s doing crack, smack, and God knows what else all the time. He’s a junkie and he won’t stop until he’s forced to. Joy’s in denial and she’s easily fooled by Doug’s charm, which junkies get very, very good at to hide and continue their habits.

If Joy wants to help Doug, she’ll find someone else to live with. Tough, but there’s little hope otherwise.

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Jump her bones and make a Doug JR. 2. You seem to be headed that in that direction anyway

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Doug, you’re fucking Yak jiz.

Don’t go eatin any of your son’s cake either, you cockmonging, poor excuse for a human.

This post makes me want to change my handle :frowning:

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Does she come over for various reasons (i.e. get cigarettes) and stick around to talk often? Pay attention, try and notice if she wears more makeup or cuter outfits when visiting than she does normally. If she does, you might be in luck! I had a very similar situation happen to me, except I was dense and didn’t realize what was going on until the girl gave up on subtlety.

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Ok, the last 3 posts make me sick. Please, someone who knows me back me up. I have a very real concern for someone I kinda know, and all you new dopers can do is make bawdy jokes. Y’all suck, and, OP not withstanding, grow the fuck up. I am not about titilating your little minds, some of us are adults. Hopefully you will be someday too. Get off our boards, you losers. Teehee, lets all be children! None for me, thanks awfully. Losers. Batz, I expected better from you.

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Actually, Dave, re-read Linear Crack’s post. It’s actually addressed to Doug, the father of the child whom you so thoughtfully provided a cake (better man than me; I’d have been lost for what to do other than to shake my head sadly and state, “What a world.”).

It took me a reading or two of Linear’s post to understand what he was talking about, but it is actually an insult directed at the person you suggested needed to grow the hell up.

As for Lamsai…

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Dave, I think it’s great that you bought the little guy a cake. That was a wonderful gesture. This is an awful situation for both the parents and the little baby. The baby’s going to miss out on not only material things because his parents can’t support him the way he should be supported but he’s also going to be missing out on the bonding time with his father as long as his father’s out partying and doing drugs. The parents are going to lose out on watching their son grow and change… things they can never get back! It’s really sad. It’s too bad you can’t slap them both upside the head and tell them to clean up their act for their son’s sake! If Joy isn’t smart enough to get away from this drug addict then she’s contributing to the problem. I think it’s people like this that don’t deserve children!

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Dave, you are one of the good guys – these folks are lucky to have a neighbor like you. It sounds like you’re really doing all you can for your neighbors, and getting the kid a birthday cake should qualify for Uplifting Action of the Week. Applause all around for Dave!

So the ‘man’ of the house is acting an ass, huh? We all know people like that, and feel bad for the innocent victims of their stupidity and self-destruction. Sounds like the mom is trying to do the best she can in a bad situation, and it’s more than most of us would do for you to help her out in small ways where you can. Beyond that, there’s not really much you can do. Calling the cops won’t help, unless the guy’s an immediate danger to the mother and child, and you can’t interfere and go introducing Joy to a nicer crowd of available men. As for Douggie Jr, he probably benefits just by having a good neighbor around; as he grows up a bit you may find yourself being a mentor and role model without even trying (because that’s just the kind of guy you are).

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Hmmm. Yer right, JC, my mistake. Linear Crack, apologies. Lamsi and Badtz, tho…I get quite enough sex, thank you very much. I feel pity for you if you’re so desperite to get your dick wet that all you can do is think of ways to take advantage in situations like this. For some of us, sex happens when you’re a nice guy and women want to sleep with you because they like you. No manipulations needed. You should try it some time.

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Dave, I’m proud to list you amoung my friends. Getting the tyke a cake showed class. While I know you’d never press for anything above a friendly neighbor relationship with Joy, I would like to point out to others why this could end up being a very bad choice. Doug is Dave’s landlord’s grandson. So, while Dave might get a young girlfriend with a son, he’d also be getting her crack smoking ex, and landlords who probably wouldn’t be pleased with him. Somehow this doesn’t sound like a good bargain to me.

[sub]mutter mutter-damned hormones, people thinking with their crotches without considering the conscequences-mutter mutter[/sub]

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Dave, now that is Class!

And I am not saying that because I will be in your city next week.
No, really, More people with such class in this world would be a good thing.
Doug is being a jerk, yet instead of ripping and bitching him and his actions, you have a desire to see him make a change for the better.

Kudos for you Dave.

Osip

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What kind of manipulations are you talking about? In my case I wasn’t manipulating the woman at all - I didn’t even know what she was doing at first. Sometimes a woman in a bad situation just wants to escape it temporarily, even if she knows that she will end up going home to her crackhead boyfriend it makes them feel better to know there is a nicer guy who still finds them attractive.

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No doubt my post could have been more lucid, but in the heat of the moment I just quoted and wrote what came to mind.

I have ZERO tolerance for insignificant fucks like this so-called “Doug” person. Addiction or not, I won’t give this asshole one bit of slack.

I’m not a violent person, but Doug should consider himself very fucking lucky I don’t live next to him.

Doing drugs around BABIES just doesn’t get any worse. Dave, you a good man for what you did. Just keep an eye on the situation and set up a speed dial on your phone for your local Child Protective Services (CPS) agency. That’s no joke either, I’ve seen too many children get screwed because people just don’t their involvement would help.

And just in case any of you are wondering, my handle is not promoting crack, it’s just a play on words from the name of this site. Drugs are bad Mmmkay.

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What. The. Fuck.

This happens every summer?