I work the graveyard shift and I get home this morning around 10AM. Papers are littered on the snow covered front porch. I know my brother’s been drinking again because he checks the mail on the way in and drops it before he makes it inside. One group of papers is from a hospital. He was admitted there last night because he fell and hit his head…again. In the last year he has bruised and slashed his head many times, had multiple black eyes, chipped his $5K bridge, lost his wallet and cell phone, had the local bartender find him passed out on the public sidewalk…
So assuming he’s passed out in his room I start typing on the SDMB before I go to bed for the evening(morning to ya’ll day folk). Someone stumbles through the front door. Yup. It’s my brother. Got discharged last night, waited for the local bar to open at 7AM, and got piss ass drunk by 11AM. Of course I just pieced these facts together an the account that he couldn’t talk. He tried, and maybe he thinks he can talk, but whatever came out of his mouth wasn’t words. He is that fucking drunk. This guy has just about drank his whole life away…job, girlfriend, probably me. This guy if fucking hopeless.
A bartender locks up and goes home one night. He gets into bed to sleep and the phone rings. It’s some drunk guy asking him what time the bar opens in the morning. He hangs up. A few minutes later the phone rings again, it’s the same drunk. He hangs up again. On the third call he angrily yells “I’m not getting up early just so you can get into the bar!” The drunk says:
Sounds like a guy who needs a lot of help. Maybe more help than is possible to give him. I’m sorry for you and your brother. Just try to do your best not to enable him and to talk to him about turning his life around. Or just cut your losses and get him out of your life once and for all.
First of all, you don’t know whose house it is. And even if it is the OP’s house, this course of action is illegal in most, if not all, states. It’s called a self-help eviction. What you need to do to evict someone is go to court and get an order. Yes, even if it’s your house. Yes, even if they’re not on the lease.
OP, do you have a group of family members/friends that can get together and stage an intervention? Even if your brother doesn’t have a job or insurance, some places, like the Salvation Army, will accept him for rehab. I think that would be your best bet.
What’s the penalty for packing someone’s bags and putting them out the door? And what mitigating factors can be considered (e.g., if someone is a raging alcoholic who might endanger the property, does that change the circumstances)? I’m kind of skeptical that most judges would find against a brother who kicked out a raging alcoholic brother.
I had a family member go through something similar recently. End result: the addict relative got into a rehab program, and things are going better for him. Definitely worth doing.
I’m not saying a judge wouldn’t okay an eviction. But if the brother knows the law at all and calls the police when he can’t get back in the house, it’s not a judge who will come to the scene, it’s the police, who will let the homeowner know that he is going about an eviction the wrong way. You must go to court.
If the penalty for packing someone’s bags up and putting them out the door is that the police come by and shake a finger at me, personally I’d be willing to take that risk. I’m kind of a daredevil that way.
Based on years of reading Dear Abby, Ann Landers, and similar advice columns, the OP might want to attend some Al-Anon meetings if he isn’t already doing so.
I don’t have much faith in an official intervention because this has been a constant through most of his life. We have talked about it plenty of times and he is fully aware of how his behavior is affecting everyone. Years ago my reactions may have been more enabling than supportive, but with him there’s a pretty fine line between the two. I think by now they are one in the same. He doesn’t doubt how much I, and many of his close friends care about him. I think now he just needs to sink or swim with me on the sidelines.
His recent troubles, which started with his girlfriend and her(not his) daughter leaving, have been going on for about a year now. He’s been through an intensive outpatient program, and sees a counselor and his psychiatrist regularly. Since he got fired he was seeing people almost daily, but I don’t know about the last week or so. He gets unemployment, has three renters in his house(of of them being me) and has insurance through a DuPage county program. So he could theoretically pay for treatment if he didn’t drink all his money away, but I personally wouldn’t waste the copay. He has such a sense of entitlement which I’ve never been able to break, and if I leaned anything from watching Dr Phil:), that attitude doesn’t work with recovery. He snuck in alcohol last time he was in rehab. Thought it was pretty funny too.
I wish he did live with someone who could do that because I think he needs it. Like I said before, I think that after all these years by now support = enablement. Not that I don’t love the guy, because I certainly do.
We have plenty of bars within walking distance. He lost his license years ago. Good thing too. He still is a danger to other drivers though. The bar owner who peeled him off the sidewalk last week drove him home because we was still going to try and cross a busy street.
I moved to Chicagoland(W suburbs)not too long ago and didn’t know they had one around here. I lived near Texas Instruments in Richardson(Dallas) and we had a few that catered to the TI 3rd shifters. Usually bars couldn’t sell alcohol until 11AM, but these places would bring in a token steam pan filled with something like canned Spaghetti O’s three times a day so they could serve alcohol earlier.
I filled our dad in on how bad it was about a week ago. He rightfully said “The only think that can help Paul now is Paul.” This time around he didn’t have much else to say. I’m not sure how much our stepmom knows. I’m not going tell her the details because she’d cry for days. I’m sure my dad will fill her in with what he feels is appropriate.
That crossed my mind last night, but I always thought Al-Anon was for kids with alcoholic parents. Obviously I felt the need to vent here, so maybe venting around other people with similar issues will keep me from bashing his head in, though recently he’s done a pretty good job of that himself.
Al-Anon might very well give you not only a place to vent, but a place to learn different coping mechanisms from others dealing with similar situations. I think it would be a good idea to try a meeting or two on for size.
Unfortunately, your dad is right. I hope your brother finds his way. Or, at least a better way.