That’s because dead bodies pile up around Sam faster than unpaid bills do. The idea is to come out alive.
Hmmm, now that you mention it, I am recalling that in at least some of the 87th Precinct novels I’ve read, after the initial murder at the start of the story, there was at least one more before Carella or one of the other detectives would catch the killer.
Withdrawing that nomination. (Still the best police procedural novels I’ve read, though.)
Either Batman or Gil Grissom. Unless my kidnapper is a dominatrix–then I’m doomed.
But what a way to go.
Even though KP gets killed in the first five seconds, and Gwen about a minute after that?
Yup. That leaves Willow vs Xena…and the winner is…the fans! 
Besides, it remains theoretically possible that one or both women is kinky for middle aged semi-druidic atheist lawyers…or will get hit in the head and forget that they are not kinky that way…or something.
I suppose you could try to convince Xena (who is obviously going to win, as that is what “Xena” means) that you are the reincarnation of Gabrielle. She’d overlook the penis in that case, I think. Admittedly she would probably kill you when she found on the truth, but it’s not like boinking Xena is especially safe even if you ARE Gabrielle.
This is true, but boinking Xena is safer than boinking Gabrielle and getting caught by Xena.
Also, if things look grim, I’ll start singing All Along the Watchtower to activate Xenabot, then convince her I’m Saul Tigh.
I’d want Scooby and gang on the case.
You could always hide behind Gaby–no, that wouldn’t work. That would just get you both killed. Begging for mercy will just make it worse, as jealousy moves Xena into Murderous Bitch mode. You only option is to invite her in and hope she believes it was arranged for her pleasure.
The Doctor. Okay, he’s not really a detective, but he’s the smartest being in the universe, almost always travels with a hot female companion, and has the hands-down coolest ride in the 'verse.
If limited to terrestrial shamuses, then Father Brown. Sherlock Holmes/Temperance Brennan/the CSI guys read dirt and bloodstains; the Padre reads people.
I almost forgot Dixon Hill.
I dunno, what if he flips out like the one time where he gunned down an entire club?
(sidenote, evidently he’s a character outside of Star Trek too… neat!)
Nah, the Doctor rarely deals with anything less than the fate of a world; quite often the fate of entire species, galaxies, the whole universe from time to time and at least once the entirety of creation. His very presence is more often than not a sign that the shit is about to hit the fan. He means well but he has bigger things to deal with than the life of one human.
Seconded. Or possibly The Question, because Jeff Combs has the best detective voice ever. (Marvel doesn’t really have any top detectives, do they?)
Failing them, Detective John Jones. Or for a really nasty punishment for the baddie, Jim Corrigan.
Following the same logic, I would like Enid Blyton’s Secret Seven, Famous Five or Five Find Outers on the case. This is a case which even boarding school students can solve and tackle. How much of a danger could the madman really be?
(Hopefully).
Frank Drebin is my man on the job.
Billed as such, no. But both Peter Parker and Matt Murdock have some skills in the area–Matt in particular. Hell, I’d even count Wolverine in that group, and not simply because of his enchanced senses.
Hey! A bit more respect, please; he knows what he’s doing! 
Slow Moving Vehicle said:
No, even if he brings Martha Jones. I mean, typically several people have to die before The Doctor unleashes his badness and gets the bad guys. Think “The Library”. I don’t want to be one of those sacrificial types.
Oakminster said:
Isn’t that a bit oxymoronic? What’s a semi-druidic atheist?
I’m changing my vote to Nancy Drew.