OK, you’ve picked your lawyer, but you still need a good detective to prove some other guy did the crime despite all the evidence pointing to you. Who do you pick?
There is, of course, good old Sherlock Holmes, who would seem to me to be the obvious pick, but if I can afford him, I think I’d go for Nero Wolfe, with Archie Goodwin assisting him. I know Wolfe hates women, and I don’t have the palate to appreciate the gourmet food, but the conversation should be fascinating.
If we’re looking at amateurs, I’d take Amelia Peabody. The way her cases go, chances are not only would the real murderer be found, I’d probably find myself fixed up with a suitable fellow suspect. The only thing is, what are the odds of me being associated with a murder around a dig in Egypt?
Philip Marlowe. When you’re behind the 8-ball, looking at life in the big house or taking the Nevada gas, you don’t wan’t some two-bit peeper gumming your case. You need a jake shamus, who goes heavy, to take the lay. After he figures the chinese angle that put the flatfoot on your porch in the first place, he’ll measure the gink who really bopped the canary for a wooden kimono. Pipe that?
James Rockford, of course.
He’ll sneak into places, get beat up, get threaten by the mob, randomly drive all over LA (with a 10% chance of a car chase) and probably get cheated by Angel, but in the end he’ll prove your innocence AND treat you to a taco and burrito lunch (or, if his dad Rocky’s around, to a barbeque outside his trailer).
Unless, of course, like in 30% of the episodes, it turns out you did commit the crime after all, in which case you’re nailed (except for those chicks who got away)
If the real killer was a bit full of himself, I’d definitely hire Columbo. After being patronised, underestimated and short of a light for a good 50 minutes, he’d apologetically deliver the killer blow and I’d be home free.
Batman is the “World’s Greatest Detective” but I don’t know how you’d go about hiring him. It’s not like the bat-signal is open to the public and the bat-phone is probably an unlisted number.
If it hinged on forensic evidence, Dr. Thorndyke (or, to be more modern, maybe Kay Scarpetta).
If it’s just a matter of seeing past circumstantial evidence and “obvious” solutions, Father Brown would be good. And, of course, cheap.
Whatever happens, not Ellery Queen, who’s convicted two innocent men that I can remember on circumstantial evidence alone. Oh, sure, he felt guilty about it when he found out, but that’s not going to do me any good, is it?
