You're family, that's why I took you in. Now it's time to go.

[duffer]

@Fiona Orange

I don’t really see the problem here, unless all the children are eating is just cereal. Milk is so highly regulated that the differences in quality are really minimal. And so long as they’re eating a decent cereal like Cheerios instead of Captain Sugarbuzz’s Caffiene-o’s, it’s a perfectly acceptable thing.

My dad’s an amatuer bodybuilder, and he practically lives off of Cheerios.

The point was that he buys the cereal specifically so he doesn’t have to cook them meals. Yeah, they average cereal for 2 meals each day with a dinner actually cooked by me or MiL to keep them semi nutritionally balanced.

[Leaper]

I wonder… how SHOULD the kids factor into this, if at all? I mean, it’s not their fault that their dad’s a freeloader, and although it’s true that duffer has no real responsibility for them, it’s hard not to worry (as the OP already said). Their presence certainly makes this SLIGHTLY more complicated than the Pit’s usual moocher story…

[zephyrine]

@Leaper

I wonder… how SHOULD the kids factor into this, if at all? I mean, it’s not their fault that their dad’s a freeloader, and although it’s true that duffer has no real responsibility for them, it’s hard not to worry (as the OP already said). Their presence certainly makes this SLIGHTLY more complicated than the Pit’s usual moocher story…

I would imagine that for duffer and his wife, the kids are a huge factor. It’s bad enough to be in this situation with an adult, but obviously, as the aunt and uncle, they will feel a significant responsibility towards the children.

duffer: as a fellow Scot who is frequently burdened with transitory houseguests (although I had never seen this as a national characteristic; I thought I was just a nice, kind person - but now I know it’s not that at all, it’s just genetic!), the best advice I can give you is the same as everyone else’s: talk to him. Tell him the truth: you want to help out, but it is creating financial problems for you. Hand it over to him. At the very least, you’ve got it off your chest before it bursts out and you clobber him one.

[Rilchiam]

@duffer

Last year he had an apt. paid by the Housing Authority. All was well till he decided to move in with aforementioned friend. So during the last week of June he came to my wife and asked if he could stay with us for a month while he waited for new housing that was set up.

<snip>

I asked 2 weeks ago how it was going with the housing and he casually says that the only thing available now are apartments and there won’t be a house available until October 1st.

Okay, so first he had an apartment, and now it’s gotta be a house. That’s a pathetic excuse to begin with, but, I’ll bet the date of October 1st was named because someone in the HA said “We’ll probably have houses available starting in October.” I am willing to bet further that BiL has done nothing to get them to make him a priority, or perhaps has not even put his name on a list.

I don’t know if this will be an issue at all, given the MiL’s-apartment option, but if BiL chooses (or claims to choose) public housing instead of MiL’s place, make sure he’s making it happen. Ask him, and keep asking until you get a definite answer, when a house will be available for him. Has he filled out any paperwork? Well, when will he? Is there a waiting list, and how close is he to the top of it? And so forth. If he doesn’t like being asked that all the time, he can get you off his ass by giving acceptable answers.

(Rilchiam, who snacks on salt-and-vinegar chips and Pizza Pretzel Combos, and would walk through a sewer to get Durkee potato sticks.)

[casdave]

The BiL sounds like he has lots of problems himself, starting with the breakdown of his relationship with his former partner.

You really need to show assertive leadership, he is just drifting along without motivation or commitment.

He sounds like he has little self respect and low personal standards, by requiring him to assist you it might help him believe in himself.

[E72521]

@duffer

That said, some background My wife and I bought our house last year with cash.

<snip>

But as it stands now, I just have too much shit going on my head to even care if I write off the house. I need to get away from it all.

I think it makes a big difference here whether its your house or not. If you own it, I can’t believe you would abandon it, if that’s what you mean by writing it off. You would really give up your largest asset rather than having a man to man conversation?