I’m doing alright. The outpouring of support here has helped, as well as the support from my friends and GF. Thanks, everyone.
My girlfriend is going to move into my apartment so save money for a few months before even considering a move anywhere. We’re supposed to be cleaning out space in my closet, but at present we’re snuggling on the couch and watching While You Were Out.
I’m from the same country. And it’s been legal for what, four whole years? Let’s not all hop on the Moral Superiority pedestal just yet. Perhaps being gay wasn’t a bad thing where you grew up but that makes your neighborhood unusual, and not substantially more common in Canada than it would have been in the USA. The border doesn’t magically mean happy times for homos.
And there’s plenty of homophobia in big cities, too. What was described in the other thread happens in Canada, all the time.
That said, I think people are being a bit too flippant in suggest Fionn just dump her family. That’s easy to say, but really, losing your family puts a hole in your heart you can’t just paste over with friends. It’s a sad, sad situation without a genuine solution.
You’re right, I should not have done that. My apologies to everyone. Just because same-sex marriage is legal in Canada doesn’t mean it’s some kind of gay utopia. I find it strange now, looking back at my small-town upbringing, to find out that my parents were very open-minded.
I’d do it. In a heartbeat. Not a doubt in my mind.
If you are going to jump in and try to refute what I said with a single counter example, could you at least pick one that makes sense. Cher and her daughter Chastity Bono get along from what I understand.
I think there was a failing out between Sonny Bono and Chastity but of course he ran as a religious conservative republican, so thank you for bringing him up.
Jim
No, Bricker is correct. Apparently Cher was initially put out, wheras Sonny was the supportive one. And I don’t think Sonny was much of a religious conservative ( actually I think he was a Scientologist ). He was from the more moderate pro-business wing of the party if I recall correctly.
As it happens I have in fact known a rabidly homohobic atheist, so they are out there. Though to be sure I tend to agree that’s not the background of the great majority.
As for the Pit, I hardly know what to say, which is also why I didn’t say anything in the other thread. This sort of thing always kind of baffles me and leaves me feeling tired.
So sorry, Fionn, for the shitty situation you are in. I think you are ( outwardly at least ) dealing with this as well as could be expected. Best of luck.
I’d put a terminally ill, suffering pet to sleep. In a heartbeat. Not a doubt in my mind.
I’d still cry myself to sleep over it every night for a long, long time.
I think Rickjay’s point was not that you should stick by your family however abusive and unaccepting they are, but rather that the decision to walk away is painful–even if it is unambiguously the right thing to do–and that being too flippant about it can come across as saying “Why is this so painful for you, wimp? It’s simple”. Simple is not the same as easy.
If I implied that it would be easy or painless, I apologize. It’s neither. But for me, it would be simple.
I would be interested in a cite but assuming you are correct.
You admit that Cher has reconciled with Chastity?
Did she actually throw her out of the family?
Is what Bricker posted actually a valid example?
Jim
Well color me shocked.
I had thought the same thing as Bricker—perhaps it was just tabloid news and was taken as gospel. Don’t know–just rumors maybe.
According to this interview with Chastity–I don’t get the sense that Cher was upset at all by the revelation.
http://home.houston.rr.com/blase/Root%20Folder/chastity.html
So can I legitimately cry Bullshit to Bricker’s useless one sentence post?
I have come to expect better from him I guess.
I went ahead and checked, I can find no support for my belief Bono was a Conservative of the religious bent, I confused his friendship with Newt for something worse. Ironic they both had daughters come out. Looks Like Sonny handled it much better. So I am guilty of the same mistake as Bricker in a hasty response to him.
Jim
Q: Your mother and father had very different reactions to your homosexuality. After writing this book and talking with others, would you say their reactions were typical? Unusual?
A: My mother, who always had gay friends, was very angry at me—primarily because I didn’t tell her and she discovered that everyone knew but her, including my father. My dad had always been very supportive. I told him, in fact, after he asked me if there was anything I wanted to talk about. Then when I told him I was gay, he said he had suspected.
From: http://www.twbookmark.com/jrun/authors/51/1437/interview7786.html
Which frankly sounds less like it was a major homophobic reaction, so much as shock at being blindsided.
Seems to have, sure.
Not as far as I know.
Of a non-religious conservative reacting homophobically to their child? Eh, reading that interview snippet, probably not a lot, actually. But I’d heard it a bit differently and Bricker may have as well.
Of someone reacting as extremely as Fionn’s parents, hardly.
For me the fact that you used qualifier “mostly” means I’m personally not really in disagreement with you at all. Don’t know about Bricker. I just wanted to correct the misperception that Sonny Bono responded poorly to his daughter, which is the opposite of what I’d heard.
'course pedantry probably has no place in this thread, so I should have just stayed out of it.
Well he might be mistaken on Cher–just as you were on Sonny. Guess that is what we get for using the media and tabloids to base anything but a perception on! 
But I think his point was that it isn’t always religious based. I do think much of the time it is–but I do think there are non-religious people who would react this way as well. No cite though–just an observation based on human nature.
And it wouldn’t hurt you all the same?
Perhaps my point was not as well explained as I would have liked, but Manda JO has done a good job explaining it better than I. It’s easy for us to say “Aw, you don’t need them!” but the truth is that people DO need their families. It’s not easy. And no, it’s not simple, either; I think you’d be shocked just how complicated it is to extricate yourself, or to be extricated, from your immediate family.
It’s just not something that can ever be made totally right. Which makes the situation all the more maddening, and frankly, continues to make me revisit my opinions of religion and the religious.
Speak for yourself. If any of my relatives did anything like what Fionn’s have done, they’d be out of my life. If they called me, I’d get a secret number. If they came to visit, I wouldn’t let them in and probably call the police if they persisted. I’d be interested in hearing exactly one thing from them: “We’re sorry, we apologize, we know we were wrong, please forgive us”. If that weren’t forecoming, screw them.
What would make it complicated? I have no legal connections with them until they die. I just stop hanging around with them, and that’s that.
Are there other family members you care about? Would breaking ALL ties with one family member hurt others, even if they understand your reasons?
Example-my grandfather is a grade A, Blue Ribbon, prize-winning, Triple Crown Bastard. Yet, I’m polite to him and don’t totally cut all ties because, well, quite frankly, I don’t really see him all that much, I’m not close to him, and it doesn’t kill me to be polite. I don’t want to hurt my father-who, to his credit, would say the exact same thing about his father as I would.
Or my Aunt K’s husband, whom I LOATHE. I absolutely despise the man-he’s a total disgusting dumbass. BUT, it’s not worth hurting my aunt, or my cousin, her daughter, by saying, “Hey, Uncle B, you’re a fucking perv!*”
*No, not a serious, molesting type perv. More of the “dirty old man” type, makes inappropriate remarks, thinking he’s being funny. But most of the time, they’re just crude and tasteless.
I’d also like to add-I’m sure my father would LOVE to totally cut his father out of his life. But for the sake of my grandmother, he can’t do that. It would have hurt her, and besides, now she’s in a nursing home, and my father is the one responsible, because my grandfather can’t do it, nor does he even give a shit. He’s also their power of attourney and executor of their will. If he doesn’t do it, it falls to his next sister, and he doesn’t want THAT.
So sometimes, even for shitty family, it ain’t so simple.
I also want to say how much trouble I have understanding why someone would just attack their own child over something like this. I mean, if you have identical twins and one is gay and one isn’t, there’s not that much diffirence. One won’t have a halo. I 'm not trying to saw that “being gay isn’t a huge adjustment”, but really your kid will be the same inside, where you raised him/her.
If I had a child who came out to me and gay adoption was not available in the future for them, I’d be sorry for them (not pity them) because they couldn’t have a kid. That’s it as far as a negative reaction. Aside from that, I’d (I really hope and believe) treat them the same damn way. Any parent who doesn’t is a bloody idjit.
Well, it means you’re saying you won’t reproduce. We like to reproduce because it’s our main function. It kind of ends the family’s future survival, and that’s something people care about.
You can adopt, but it’s still not your kid.
Heh. Your child being hetero is no guarantee that they will reproduce. Some of us are happily childfree by choice. Fuck my parents’ genetic legacy.