That’s a hell of a burden. I find taking care of me and mine is about all I have energy for.
This would apply to people who have children and then dump them on their parents to raise knowing that the other people don’t want a child but feel obligated. It does not apply to people who place their child with a family that has spent thousands of dollars and gone through a long and invasive process to qualify to adopt. When you give a child to a family under those circumstances, you aren’t passing on a burden, and you aren’t being irresponsible
Well, it’s not so much that I see it as a job, it’s more of a hobby.
Accepting responsibility for raising a child is always going to be a burden, but I assume those who are capable of handling it can make it more of a blessing. When I’m ready to have my own children, that’s what I want to be capable of.
Let’s not do the dictionary thing again as you seem to get hung up on words easily - but someone who relinquishes a child to someone else is no longer responsible for the child’s caretaking, and that someone else is. That’s the point.
Do you agree that when someone bears a child (or sires one), they have the responsiblity to maximize the chances of that child’s well-being?
If so, then giving that child to someone better suited than yourself to provide emotional and finacial responsibility is fufilling your responsiblities, not relinquishing them. Keeping the child and dooming them to hardship and want is failing to meet your responsibilities. This isn’t about what a person deserves for having started something, this is about what is best for the child.
Sure. If they know they aren’t going to be able to ensure that child’s well-being themselves, all the way through to its early adulthood, then they (ideally) shouldn’t have the child in the first place.
Again, since I know this is not an ideal world, some people end up giving their children over to others after birth for various reasons. At that point, they probably are still making the best decision for the child. (and also as I mentioned, since some people aren’t capable of having children, this arrangement can potentially work out fine) But the situation still could have been avoided from the get-go.
But what does that have to do with, as you suggested, not encouraging irresponsible behavior in others by adopting thier children? When you said you wouldn’t adopt so as not to encourage that sort of behavior, you seem to suggest that the bio-parents ought to be left with the child as a punishment and a reminder and a discouragement from repeating the behavior, even if it isn’t what’s best for the child. That’s not encouraging responsiblity, that sadism towards the child.
I don’t suggest that - what I am trying to suggest is that I don’t want to give them the feeling that they can always have the baby, and give it to someone else, and everything is just peachy. It’s not really peachy. Not with me, at least - as long as there are people who really want to adopt, then that’s fine. But I don’t.
You know, it’s too bad that ** Rigamarole** seems intent on hijacking this thread. Why did he even bother coming in here?
I came in here to discuss how a person gets thrown out of their family for being Gay or Lesbian, and instead I get to read post after post by some pompous teenager about why every sperm is sacred…
I suggest that he change his handle to “A lot of rigamarole”
Well, that was exactly what started our discussion. If you look back, I responded to Love Rhombus with a theory as to why a parent might possibly get upset over having their child come out. My theory was that they want to see their family reproduce, and it’s effectively a statement that one is not going to reproduce, at least not biologically with all the genes of the parents raising the child.
Huh? Where? (also, I’m not a teenager either, since I know you meant to refer to me, but I’d like to know where I made “post after post about why every sperm is sacred”. That strikes me as rather funny since I’ve already jerked off twice today)
sigh Where do these people get off calling themselves parents?
I really wish I had something useful or supportive to say, Fionn. Mostly I’m just shaking my head and muttering, which isn’t really conducive to coherent message board posting, though. I just can’t fill up an entire post with and :eek: and :mad: with the occasional :dubious: and feel I’ve said anything meaningful.
I’d bet, though, that if you were “flesh and blood” you’d be getting hysterical messages of “How could my own flesh and blood do this to meeeeeeeeeee” instead. It’s just a convenient thing for them to hang another bit of crazy onto when they throw it at you.
At the risk of Junior Modding, let me add my voice to those saying quit continuing the stupid hijack.
On a somewhat related note, I was discussing “Brokeback Mountain” at work today, and apparently, I work with a homophobe. Shit. Other co-workers have pleasantly surprised me with their non-homophobic attitudes (Calgary is still pretty backwards about attitudes towards homosexuality), but this one guy, his take on the tragic love story was that the only tragedy was that they weren’t both dead at the end. I thought he was a fun, cool guy, but obviously not.
Anyway, I don’t understand where parents are coming from when they treat their gay kids like this, either. Parents are always talking about how they’d do anything for their kids, and how they’d die before letting someone hurt their kids, then they turn around and treat them like this themselves? Hypocrites.
Sure you respond to the Defending part, but forget who posted the “All Forgiving” part of my post.
Fionn, good luck and hopefully it only takes a very short time for your parents to come around and realize that you are still the Daughter they love and they are being silly asses. I have seen families fall apart on bigger issues then sexual orientation and still get back together. Hopefully this will pass by and in the process your parents will become more understanding and accepting people.
I am not agreeing with Rigamarol, but I have known people who were haunted by their adoption. One guy had issues with trust and intimacy and blamed it all on his adopion. His parents had been told that they would never have kids and immediately after adopting him, she got pregnant–with a son.
Now, for all I know, they treated him badly–his Dad was a bit of a dick to everyone. He looks nothing like his parents, and the brother was a spitting image of his mom. All of this fed David’s chip on his shoulder.
I do not say he is representative of all or even many adopted kids/babies, but “bad” fits do occur. I have another adoption story–my aunt gave a baby up for adoption in the '50’s and never looked back, until she hit middle age. With her own kids grown, her “missing” one became an obsession with her. She eventually found him, and he didn’t want to be found.
I am all for more love and care for children in this fucked up world, but there is no denying that adoption can be messy and can leave many unanswered questions–genetic risks, for one.
I think things are different from when I was growing up–now adoptions are more open etc. and that’s a good thing, IMO.
What has happened to Fionn is horrible, though. If I were her, I would be glad I was adopted. I wouldn’t want to own one part of that craziness.
Question: how were the Philippino parents when your partner came out?
and :eek: and :mad: with the occasional :dubious: and feel I’ve said anything meaningful.