Break everything. Gay heroes. Different races. Different motivations. Superman is a robot. The Hulk uses the Eric Bana nanotechnology background. Yes, crossovers between DC and Marvel. Batman kills people.
At the end of the movie, Stan Lee sits bolt upright in bed, looks over at his wife and says “Honey, I just had the weirdest dream…”
Three years later, release another movie that does exactly the same things.
Let’s see… The movie stars Super-man, who dresses up in a star-spangled version of a WWII combat uniform, and web-slings and wall-crawls through downtown Los Angeles. He spends most of the movie in pursuit of the evil villain Spider Man, who wears a dark cowled outfit with a leatherwing cape, and who ties people up with his lasso of truth (which is made of flaming chains). When Super-Man finally catches up to Spider Man, he tosses off a wisecrack, shoots him in the face, and then goes and gets drunk.
The creators of “Pirates of the Caribbean” and “The Lone Ranger” are proud to present “The Sandman!” Starring Johnny Depp as Morpheus and Helena Bonham Carter as Death. Featuring the goofy antics of Will Farrell and Jack Black as Cain and Abel.
Oh, and they’re filming the sequels at the same time: “Sandman: The Dream Team” and “Sandman: Endless Midnight.”
Wendy & Marvin: The Movie
And his wife is played by Lynda Carter??!!!
Dark Knight Returns
Frank Miller directs.
Stacy Keach as Batman
Chloe Moretz as Robin
Mark Hamill as Joker.
Sounds feasible to badass, right? Doesn’t matter. Fans would hate it no matter what.
A WW2 Nick Fury film with…Samuel Jackson as Nick Fury.
Fans go racial apeshit. Director Michael Bay says, “I didn’t know that African-Americans didn’t lead squads of white soldiers into battle in World War 2. Huh.”
Michael Keaton is… Robin!
In the next installment of the X-men franchise, it turns out that “mutants” are really space aliens. Most of the movie will be set on Wolverine’s home planet.
Sorry, that’s been done. See: Highlander 2.
I was trying to come up with a horrible way to make a Calvin and Hobbes TV series, but it was too heartbreaking to even consider.
On another note, Chip n Dale Rescue Rangers is getting a live-action/CG movie, and I just know it will be terrible because undoubtedly it will be set in New York, will have a Justin Bieber song on the soundtrack, and will star somebody like Emily Bett Rickards or Simon Helberg in embarrassing roles.
I cast Keira Knightley as Power Girl.
You mean besides casting Jesse Eisenberg as Lex Luthor?
Insist on lesbian scenes between the Black Widow and the Scarlet Witch in Avengers 2.
Oh wait…never mind!
Musicals.
Can we go with the Mirror, Mirror version of Eisenberg? Be glad it’s not Michael Cera. Still a very odd choice.
Film the “One More Day” Spider-Man storyline, where he sells out his marriage with Mary Jane Watson to Mephisto. Spider-Man fans hate that.
Announce that I’m making a more “scientifically realistic” version of Spider-Man, and have him shoot webs out of his butt*.
Thor/Hulk: a homosexual romantic movie. No fighting, lots of soulfully looking in each other’s eyes and sharing their feelings. And they both stay fully clothed so the lady & gay fans don’t even get any beefcake.
A Hulk reboot set in the 60s, where the Hulk’s alter ego isn’t Banner but Martin Luthor King Jr. Lots of bad jokes about colored people.
*Yes, that was inspired by the Spinnerette webcomic
I don’t know if you’ve seen this, too. There are others as well, that’s not my favorite one.
Dude, Rule 34. But also of course they’re clothed. Hulk has magic purple pants that grow with him and only rip in certain places. I bet Hulk is secretly a bottom. Well, I guess he’d have to be.