"You're wearing a noodle."

The BBQ Pit
1

The gang from work took our cow-orker to lunch for his birthday. Macaroni Grill. I had the Penne Rustica. And as usual, I ended up with penne on my shirt. I am grateful someone pointed it out.

So I pit my big boobage. I’m so tired of looking like a slob every time I eat! I have a freakin’ shelf under my mouth! It is uncouth to wear a napkin on your tits. Do you know how many nice blouses I have ruined, all because I have 44DD’s? There aren’t even that many nice blouses in my size!

I see all these women getting implants. Just watch out. Your cleaning bills will quadruple!

I try and try to keep food off myself. I lean over my plate, but there they are, in the way. As soon as I forget, and straighten up a little to ease my back…PLOP!

So, fuck you boobies.

2

Mmmmm… Boobie Rustica.

3

I don’t have anywhere near 44DD’s, but man, you’re right - these things just get in the way. My SO yells at me because all of my shirts get that tiny stain, where the food drops. Too bad they don’t come detachable.

4

I know another with your problem.

I worked with a lady who was so big that she had to special order all of her bras. I didn’t have the nerve to ask her what exactly her size was but I imagine that she could use a spare bra to haul a couple of bowling balls quite easily.

The first time that we went to lunch together she grabbed an extra napkin and made it into a bib. She then turned to me and said," I made a decision to give up some dignity and save money on the cleaning bills so get used to seeing me do this."

5

Did Delores’ delightful tale cause Dirty Harry’s voice to run through anyone else’s head?

*“But being this is a .44 Magnum - the most powerful boobage in the world, and would blow your head clean off, you’ve got to ask yourself one question, do I feel lucky. Well, do ya punk?” *

6

New should be rule:

Ladies if you’re gonna post a thread bitching about your boob size; You must provide a pic…
/whishes it was a perfect world.

7

Clearly the solution is to limit yourself to soft foods which can be ingested with the aid of a large, flexible straw.

8

There are whole web sites dedicated to the last sentance in the OP.

So I’ve been told.

9

In a gentlemanly attempt to uphold Mrs. Dolores Reborn’s reputation, I offer you this instead:

Hope it’ll do

10

goes back into closet to figure out how many shirts she’s destroyed due to the above condition

Oh, forget it, dozens.

11

Lest anyone be fooled into thinking that flat-chestedness is preferable to having noodles in your cleavage, I would like to point out that we less-well-endowed babes usually end up with food on our laps.

12

I can hold them for you while you eat. :stuck_out_tongue:

13

This is addressed to the OP: Word.

That is all.

14

But you can have a napkin there! :smiley:

Well, aren’t you just the sweetest thang! :wink:

15

True, but a napkin placed in the lap is much more discreet and dignified than an improvised bib protecting one’s boobies.

16

And let’s not forget the phenomenon of eating something crispy, crackly and crumb-y…

and looking down to discover you’ve created your own portable bird feeder.

17

I can sympathize, Dolores. I have exactly the same problem with my enormous penis.

18

A whole roomful of us were gathered at Christmas when my Mom said “Why don’t you go put on a bra, fessie, and try on this blouse I brought”. Um, I was already wearing one.

19

Must… resist… temptation…
:smiley:

20

People think you’re wearing a noodle? Son, we need to have a discussion on the meaning of the word “enormous.”

And this for Dolores. (audio, NSFW)