And has everyone forgotten Bette Midler’s Pretty Legs, Great Big Knockers ?
it ain’t the chairs, it ain’t the rockers
it’s pretty legs and great big knockers
that’s what keeps 'em coming back for more!
I’m sure there a joke about “seconds” in there 
As someone who is also built like the OP, all I can say is been there…worn that!
I totally know where you’re coming from Dolores, and I have had loads of tops that were consigned to the garbage because an especially greasy or staining bit of food leaped from my fork to dash itself on my chest. Sometimes, if I’m wearing something low cut, the food will just plop on the top of my breast. This is the point at which my husband raises an eyebrow and says, “You want me to get that for you?”.
Once, I jokingly said yes. He did! :eek:
Let’s not forget the upper back pain, too. And the painful boobs prior to period. And the flopping if you ever actually try to move at something other than a walk. And never, ever being able to go without a bra. And not being able to wear button-up shirts because of the gapping. And the incredible price of a properly supportive bra.
Anybody who gets their cleavage enhanced is a big doodyhead, in my (38DD) opinion.
Sure, the second I hit reply, I think of another one:
The never-ending yearning for your boobs to rest on your lap.
Oh God, the flopping! And if you ever have to run, you put your arms under them to minimize the pain?
Or across them. Ya know, I had so much complaint about the things that featherlou mentioned that I decided to get that wonderful procedure called “reduction.” For, I suppose, my 38DDs. However, to be fair, they were totally squashed in there because I absolutely refused to go higher. No telling where I actually topped out.
Anyway, I put reduction in quotes because an amazing thing happened in translation from my desires and pre-ops to the real-life surgery. I so wanted boobies that I could even wear a strapless bra with, or at least a sleeveless shirt. However, said quack decided that a C wouldn’t look right on my figure and bumped me back up to D. Before I could do a damn thing about it and afterwards (several days or more), when I truly noticed, it was too late and would require additional surgery. So even after I lost a ton of weight, I still lug around these gigantic ass bazookas.
I hate it with a passion!
Everyone else gets to wear pretty bras with no under way even. Back in the day when I was a very poor single woman living on my own and playing softball, I would supplement a half decent bra with another (yes, I know) I would pick up at garage sales or thrift shops. Humiliating, but necessary if I didn’t want any black eyes. But it definitely meant any intimate moments had to be pre-planned for or otherwise you’d do the Bridget Jones version of granny girdle undies.
::: sigh :::
I also hate bathing suit shopping. God deliver us from monster shelvage!
[And on preview, my Dolores you looked beautiful for your (recent, yes?) wedding. Cool car too, by the way.]
Thank you! Yes, it was last February. We’re about to have our first anniversary! The car was a rental while on our honeymoon (and wedding) in Vegas. I thought that side view would show what I meant by a shelf…
Hmmm, link doesn’t seem to be working, Dolores.
But I swear, one of my criteria for car shopping is nicely absorbent shocks. :rolleyes:
The link worked for me ** lel **.
I just want to say that I have met ** Dolores Reborn ** (unless I was dreaming that night and I’m pretty sure I wasn’t) . The lady has boobage.
I’ve said for years that I’d like to take mine off and keep them in a jar. We really should look into this.
This is the complete opposite of how I feel about monster shelvage, unless you take out the word “from”.
I have the shelf problem as well. My husband will point out stray bits, but he’s never demeaning about it. His father, on the other hand, will purposefully embarrass my MIL.
At the Christmas art fair I worked recently, one booth had adult bibs. They came in many different patterns and colors, and are large enough to cover the amplest of shelves.
I got her 2 for Christmas. She loved them, uses them even at home. Pop can’t say a word for fear of hurting my feelings, so everyone wins 
They are simple to make, and if anyone wants to build one, e-mail me, I’ll send instructions.
I think I’ll be sending you an email ** picunurse **. The girls are F’s and
my shirt fund is getting low.
Jeebus, yes! Preach it! God, I threw my back out one time running when I didn’t have an arm supporting them. Holy Fuck!
I call 'em my ‘Crumb Catchers’… because that’s what they do. And you know, if we keep feeding 'em like that, they’re just gonna grow bigger. :eek:
Detachable boobs as fashion accessories - keep an assortment in your closet, and put them on as the event requires. ::Heavy sigh:: Able to sleep on your stomach, no flopping, no food catching, no back pain, no breast cancer (forgot about that one)…
Oh, pics work now – nice wedding photo, Dolores!
Oh my gosh. This is great. I read this and just SNORTED water through my nose. Being of the size 42J persuasion, I understand this phenomenon completely. I shall have to refer DogDad to this thread.
-DogMom, Perambulating Portable Bird Feeder
Just get a dog, and you’ll never have to worry about stray food bits on your clothing going to waste. (ooo, look…potato chips! And is that a spot of Gravy? slurrrPP!)
And for handy restaurant use, try carrying a toy dog in your purse.
Shirts used to come with detatchable collars and cuffs so you could wash, and eventually replace the bits that get dirty most without having to the whole thing.
Perhaps blouses should have breast pockets which can be unpoppered at will and a different popped on, until they can be washed.