You've shafted my daughter one time too many!

The BBQ Pit
61

Gotta add…my high school choir teacher came thisclose to turning me off of theater and music forever. She sure tried. In class we had auditions for solos are such. In four years I got one, and that was because I was the only one who didn’t fall off pitch (it was a capella). “Well,” sayeth thou, “She must have known that you were incapable, no matter what you thought.” Except. I made it to State Honors Choir and to State Solo & Ensemble festival - with a solo. The judges seemed to think I was capable.

At the end of a couple of the solo auditions during class, when she announced someone else as the winner of the audition, the entire choir - no shit - including the girl she gave it to - looked at her, and then me, and then back at her incredulously.

I didn’t get a part in any of my high school’s theatrical productions…except a bit part during my senior year (no lines). “Ah,” sayeth thou, “She must have recognized that you were not a capable actress.” Except that when I went to college, I was almost immediately cast - and I had been one of three girls in consideration for the lead. I was cast in two of the Senior directing students’ one-act plays, and two others told me they had been pissed when they found out I already had committments.

So, yeah. Sometimes teachers just suck. Sometimes schools just suck. And sometimes, as MissBungle says, even though some of you seem to have a massive hard-on for her, shit just isn’t fair and that’s the only lesson to be learned by the constant rejection.

62

If we are going to reserve the pit for rants when children get cancer, we won’t have many posts here at all - and it will be a much less funny place.

To paraphrase: Its Dave’s rant, he can whine if he wants to.

And if the whine itself is petty (and I don’t think this one is), how petty is whining about the whiny-ness.

63

One difference between a child getting cancer and a child being emotionally mauled by an incompetent teacher is that the latter is entirely preventable by the application of a little sensitivity, intelligence and professional behavior. I don’t see Dave and his wife going in and demanding star parts for their precious darling. That doesn’t appear to be the point at all. I see them going in and pointing out how inappropriate, damaging, (and, as others have pointed out, not just to their child, but to the teacher’s authority and the integrity of the program she runs) and unnecessary the inconsistent actions and resultant emotional manipulation were.

If this waffle of a teacher can demand an apology from her mouthy, tempermental “star”, it seems like it might be in order to get her to cough one up herself, with full acknowledment of her own irresponsibility and not just a pat on the head for Sakura’s ability to take it on the chin. A high school student is not in a position to demand accountability from a teacher. A parent is. And Mrs. Dave-Guy (a class act herself) is also a teacher and has some basis and knowledge for what professional behavior is. This doesn’t appear to me to be unthinking, whiny criticism.

BTW, is there some reason why there wasn’t an actual non-Sakura understudy already in place? That’s the usual procedure, isn’t it? What if Miss Prima Donna had come down with the flu Thursday night? Would Sakura be expected to swot up the part overnight? As a director, this babe is not much of one.

64

Hamadryad, what you describe is exactly what my daughter has gone through.

She has been cast in bit parts (a “featured singer” in the senior class musical, in the nun’s chorus in Sound of Music, various supernumerary roles in other shows) and she has done more than just stood around onstage, or gone where the director told her to go. She acted while she was onstage, even going so far as to make up a history for her character (she’s only a freakin’ nun soprano, but she’s got a history!!).

She has received straight A’s in all her drama classes (the teacher of which is the director of the show), and the teacher (who is the director of the show) has always told us how good an actor she is. This somehow has never translated to getting cast as anything more than some kind of “featured player.”

In addition, as I mentioned in one of my other posts here, she has had large roles in the summer drama camp she attended (Emily Webb in Our Town, anyone?)

She has been a featured storyteller numerous times, and she has sung at a local restaurant along with other of her vocal instructor’s students. Her rendition of Sondheim’s Broadway Baby knocked 'em dead, and I’m dying to hear her do All That Jazz, because I know she could sell the shit out of it.

Yes, she’s my daughter, and I’m prejudiced in her favor, but I am far from a “stage parent.” I have enough objective evidence from people who don’t even know her applauding and whistling and going apeshit over her rendition of a song to assume she has more talent than would justify the type of casting she’s been subjected to.

She has never, to my knowledge, entertained thoughts of becoming a professional actor or performer; she does it for the love of it. My point here is, it’s a damn shame that love was put to such a test. I maintain it’s a credit to her dedication that she has behaved in the classy manner she has not only through this little farce, but for the past five years.

Rilchiam, thanks for the caveat. We’re arranging the conference after the fact, and don’t expect any kind of restitution on anyone’s part. But, as my wife is a teacher, she understands that when a parent has a complaint about a teacher, that parent is entirely within his/her right to request a conference to air a grievance. That’s all we’re doing.

MissBungle, you are cordially invited to bite me.

65

Dave, it’s been said before in this thread, but I want to say it again: Your daughter is a class act, and I’m sure that’s due in no small part to her upbringing. Some here have questioned her decision to turn down the split role. I don’t. I don’t know her precise reason, of course, but I personally would have done the same. First of all, what she did was a noble thing, and call me naive, but I believe that being a good person is more imporant that getting what you want. You stated that she sacrificed the split role to preserve group union, and because she felt it was the right thing to do. Good on her. It may be a bitter victory, but at least she’ll know she’s a better human being. Secondly, I would not have taken the split role for my own personal reason: pride. If I were offered a role at the last minute and broke my ass getting ready, only to be told, “Well, you’ll have to share”, I’d tell them to fuck off. This might be a character flaw, but I’m not taking the consolation prize for doing what I know to be right.

Sadly, there is more than one lesson to be learned in all this. Life is not fair, hard work and love do not mean what we’ve been taught they do, and bad shit is constantly happening to good people. Call it cynicism, call it realism, it’s the way the world is and the odds on it changing any time soon do not look good. The truth is, good people with talent and a strong work ethic will always be passed over for grasping, selfish assholes who shamelessly promote themselves and will do absolutely anything they have to to get their way. This Tony Robbins assertiveness bullshit is all well and good for people watching the infomercials, but let’s face it: standing up for yourself is just not going to cut it. Your daughter is a good person with a kind heart, and good things will eventually come to her because of it, from people who recognize her qualities and prefer substance over politics. But despite what we’d all like to believe, we are not living in a meritocracy. If she wants to compete in a field such as acting, where people are judged not by their talent or abilities, but by their adherence to some bizarre standard of looks and connections, god help her. She’d better become cynical if she wants to succeed.

I hold however, that a good person who consistently stands by their morals and does what they know to be right will always be a better and more worthwhile person than one who does not , no matter how hard they clap at one more rendition of “Candle On The Water”.

66

Dave, I sympathize with your daughter because something like that happened to me in high school. My best friend and I were both rejected our senior years for the high school yearbook staff.

Which is absolutely fucking hilarious now because I worked 14 years as a newspaper reporter/photographer, and my friend just published his second book of poetry. We were the only two members of the class who have done any kind of professional writing after high school, and yet we weren’t worthy.

Yet Miss Bungle is right: Life isn’t fair and some teachers are either prejudiced toward some of their students, unduly prejudiced toward others, or the local politics demand that the plum roles be reserved for the children of the businessmen and civic leaders.
If Sakura wants my advice, I would tell her to have nothing to do with musicals and dramas for what remains of her high school career. Fuck the teacher and the school. Upon graduation, there will be a college and small theatres who will appreciate and use her talent.

67

You know, it really doesn’t matter whether the show would have been better with Sakura or the primadonna. The fact is, the PD mouthed off, was told she had to apologize or face the consequences. She chose not to apologize. She should have to FACE the consequences. What kind of lesson is SHE learning here? That it doesn’t really matter what you do, because if you make a decision and it doesn’t turn out like you thought it would, there is always plenty of time to “back-peddle”…and avoid the specifically stated consequences of your decision? Yep, THAT is what she is learning. That is wrong, and she isn’t learning anything in this situation that is going to make her better equipped to handle the REAL world. And I was under the impression that this is what high school was supposed to be FOR…to help children to face the REAL world.

The school was wrong. Once the part was given to Sakura in this situation, there should have been no going back. Even if she had been HORRIBLE in the part, which I do not for one moment think she would have been, she STILL should have been the lead.

A few years ago, we had a county football team that was pretty much certain to win the state championships. They were so good that everyone was stunned. After the semi-finals, the team had a celebratory party…with alcohol. The police busted them, and they got minor in possession citations. Now, this coach had an agreement the kids signed before they joined the team. No alcohol consumption allowed as long as they were on the team, or they were OFF the team. You miss more than X amount of practices you were off the team, that sort of thing. Accordingly, he kicked the kids who got caught drinking off the team. Which was a BAD thing, because the four best players on the team were involved.

So, the whole city was up in arms. Parents were livid…“You are ruining these kids lives!” School district bombarded by alumni who just wanted that win. Principal told the coach to reinstate the kids. Coach said no. Principal said “BUT WE WILL LOSE THE STATE CHAMPIONSHIPS!!!” Coach said…“I am not coaching these kids to win a state championship. I am coaching them to win at life. If you think you can get away with it, fire me. I wouldn’t want to teach (or coach) in a place that didn’t put the kids first anyway.”

The team lost. The kids (IMO) won.

I know this sounds like a movie of the week, but it really happened. That coach is a hero. This drama teacher is a weasel.

Sakura, you are not only a class act, you are a remarkably mature young lady. To have already learned that it is better to do what you believe is best for others than to do what you WANT to do for YOU…many people NEVER learn that. You may not star in this play, but as far as I am concerned, you are a star in life. And an extremely fine person. I hope everyone involved in this situation gets what they deserve…because YOU deserve the BEST.

68

Understood.

And count me among the people who still don’t understand why the PD’s apology was accepted at the eleventh hour. I’d like to see her try that with a Broadway director.

69

So, the director offered to let your daughter perform for one of the nights, and your daughter refused this offer, now you are upset at the director for not giving your daughter a chance?

I do not understand.

70

I’m sure someone will beat me to this, but I’ll try anyhow…

Sakura was originally turned down for the role. :frowning:

The lead “actress” mouths off, gets “fired” and Sakura is tapped to go on. :slight_smile:

The lead “actress” “apologizes” and the “director” allows the “actress” to come back. This is not only unfair to Sakura by disappointing her twice, but it is also a very unprofessional way to run a theatre program. :frowning:

The coup de grace, Sakura realizes that the lead “actress”, being more prepared for the part would probably do a better job, if only because of that face. Sakura, wanting the show to be the best as possible, sacrifices her own opportunity to perform for the greater good.

The director doesn’t see a problem. :smack:

What exactly isn’t clear?

Sakura was unselfish in trying to help her school put on the best show possible. When putting on the best show meant that she was forced into trying to act a play she hadn’t practiced for, she was there, and would’ve done it. When putting on the best show meant stepping aside and letting the more prepared (if less worthy) actress take the lead role, she bowed out.

Get it?

71

Dave and Sakura, this situation sure sucks a whole jug of bugs. The things that make me wonder: Prima Donna Elizabeth was mouthing off to the director, and once too often, so canned. That amazes me, that a high school student would be what seems arrogant. What were her issues with the director? Did Sakura see them as valid? Is the director particularly difficult? That would certainly influence her later decision of allowing the original lead to regain the role.

And, perhaps Sakura felt the stress of performing under D-Day conditions was beyond her capability under such short notice, and not in the best interests of the production. Absolutely nothing wrong with that; it was an impossibly tall order. Seizing an opportunity is a good thing, but under these circumstances, it takes a wise person to know undue limitations, and sacrifice personal limelight for the good of the company. That’s the key, really. It would have been a lot of stress for the whole company to perform with an unprepared lead (through no fault of her own). Sakura made a wise decision. I’m so sorry she had to cry over it.

Like so many here have said, those good qualities in judgement will make her a better player in the long run. Can’t ignore Eve’s comment, though; showbiz is all about ego, and the tooth-and-nail, it’s a rough business. My grandparents were in it in Hollywood back in the day, and they vehemently opposed any of their kids/grandkids being involved with it; too much emotional damage.

High school productions shouldn’t be like that. It should be teaching kids the joy of putting on a play, and working together to create a work of art, outside the nasty pressures of the entertainment industry. Wouldn’t that be swell? I hope you can impress that upon the powers that be in your meeting, Dave. Sakura, I admire your decision, and just hang on. Your good sense and decency will give you a lot more satisfaction in the long run. Never give up, you are just starting in life. Ya got a good Dad to help you through, too, and that’s some amzing wings!

72

Not especially. I figure a director’s obligations are to the show, not to the feelings of his or her cast. This Sakura is a class act though.

73

Um…how long has it been since you’ve been in high school, elelle? :confused:

74

You pretty much hit the nail on the head, Garfield226. My daughter also was sort of reeling and perhaps not thinking as quickly on her feet when the second bomb dropped, and, being a compliant child who respects authority, she acquiesced when told that the original Elizabeth was back in the role.

To continue with the whole affair, though, I should tell you she changed her mind Thursday evening, and called the teacher/director to tell her she actually would like the opportunity to perform one of the shows. The teacher/director told her good, call the other girl and work out which night you’ll go on.

The other girl told her it wasn’t going to be possible, since she had family coming in from out of town both nights to see her. My daughter doesn’t buy that explanation, but the die was cast, and what was done was done.

The show’s over now, and it’s all basically water under the bridge, except for the conference. Maybe there’ll be a thread about that in a day or two.

75

Gotta disagree with you here.

The director is a teacher first, and a teacher’s first obligation is always the students’ best interests, not a production, not a championship game, not popularity, not possibly bolstering future support and funding for a program.

What was learned from this teacher?

Prima Donna learns that she can behave a certain way and get away with it.

My daughter learns a little lesson about the ethics of people with agendas.

Fortunately, she also learns she outclasses the teacher, the other student, and the principal put together.

76

Just wanted to say that ** kabbes ** wrote a very good post in this thread and gave excellent advices.

I’m pleased to know that ** Shakira ** has a kind heart, is unselfish and hard-working. However, I believe it would be great if she managed to keep these qualities while at the same time learning to be a little more assertive. Being kind and just doesn’t mean wronging yourself on the behalf of other people who couldn’t care less about you and your feelings. I learnt that the hard way and way too late. Once again, ** Shakira ** should probably ponders ** kabbes ** 's words.

77

Oooooookay…

:::Rilchiam dons ass-kicking boots and approaches Other Girl:::

Fuck you [kick]…Fuck your family [kick]…And fuck your blimp-sized ego [kick]! Sakura has family too [slap in face]…and she busted her ass for this show [yank hair at scalp]…including doing something you’d never do: take on a huge responsibility at the last minute [kick]. That’s right, bitch: stay down.

That…is…bullshit. Now I really hope you kick ass at that conference.

Ahem.

I said what I said earlier in the thread because I thought it was all the teacher’s decision. But no student should be able to wield power in that way.

Up to now, I’ve been resisting adding my own it-happened-to-me anecdote, because it brings up too many bad memories, but I’m too mad at the moment on Sakura’s behalf.

Long story short, I should have been editor-in-chief of the school paper my senior year. The advisor flat-out admitted that I was the most talented writer she’d seen in a long time, but she gave the position to a butt-kisser who was a year younger than I because of “politics”. I really gave a shit about this school rag, so I accepted the position of features editor, but I shouldn’t have, because it meant taking orders from that other girl. And I quit at the end of the semester, at a point where they saw it coming, and only nodded and smiled demurely, when what I should have done was either not take the job at all, or quit at the worst possible time for them.

I don’t know if that’s analagous to Sakura’s situation, since she and PD would not have been on stage at the same time, and presumably she wouldn’t have been taking orders from PD, but in light of what you’ve just said, I think she should have walked. Yes, we all have to eat shit sometimes, but it’s easier to swallow in a job you’re getting paid for. School activities, which are unpaid and voluntary, should not be like this.

Here’s a rose for Sakura, who has just given the performance of a lifetime.

@—`---,—

78

As I continue to follow this thread, I am reminded that I tried out for that same part in that same play when I was at that same high school and I didn’t get it either. So it’s a Grand Family Tradition. Or possibly an Ancient Family Curse. Sorry about that.

79

I’m Sakura went back to get one of the performances for herself. It really pisses me off that the teacher didn’t support her or enforce it on the, what are we calling the other girl, oh yeah, bitch.

The teacher should have just told the other girl what night she would give up the role and leave it at that. It sounds like the teacher is afraid of that bitch.

80

My my… It’s funny that I have people riding my hide for every post I make… when this is the kinda crap I’m left to work with.

Sir, was my post untruthful? No.
So why you flipping out, sunshine?

Considering your response to my post… and considering monkey see, moneky do… it scares the shit outta me that you are raising a child. There is no other way to put it.

May I suggest that you guide your child into seeing this as a blessing. A life lesson; to become more assertive… and/or a sign that perhaps her calling is NOT the stage life. Perhaps this will leave her more time to try new hobbies and find different passions.

THere is no loss here… unless you let it be one.