In 5 minutes, you could probably complete a few phone calls to some accountants and financial advisors:
“Release the records. All of them.”
With your waning seconds, tweet a dick pick.
I would agree that he was possessed but then start debate as to which personality was the real possessed one. 
It depends, how near is Ivanka and a male intern and a cigar at that moment? Ivanka HAS to be there otherwise I can’t imagine anything more distasteful and traumatic than being trapped in trump’s body for any amount of time, sooo maybe arrange a lifetime of mental and emotional therapy for a random nobody who is poor and from Idaho would be the closest I could get.
There is only one answer: Find someone with a camera (never hard at the WH) tell them to start filming and then shoot Pence in the head. Voila! Trump has murdered the one the Evangelicals really wanted, he has committed an obvious High Crime on camera, and we get President Pelosi.
Now, I grant you that the crime Trump would be going to prison for would not be the one(s) he SHOULD have gone down for, but he could never serve a day he didn’t deserve. He’s much too old to outserve the jail term he has earned.
As part of this hypothetical, do you possess all of Trump’s knowledge? If so, I’d quickly tweet out some damning truths about Trump’s escapades that could be independently verified.
Yeah! Let’s get rid of the rapey MF by raping someone!
(that is not morally bankrupt at all!)
Is this going to be the theme of this thread?
Definitely a theme.
Let’s just kill a guy! Yes, that is much better than dumb tweets!
Holy Shit! Are you people really sure you oppose Trump? Your plans sound an awful lot like shit he’d come up with (with a nice side of pussygrabbing). Why do you not like someone with about the same sense of morality as you?
If for 5 minutes, Trump spoke both facts and truth about why he’s doing what he’s doing, that would be his demise.
Call as many witnesses as are available, to be assembled while writing the resignation, have the President’s physician called to come provide a sedative ASAP, and also direct someone with a phone to record (or better yet livestream) the signing and the announcement, with the resignation to go into effect in four hours to allow for congressional leaders and the Supreme Court to be informed. Make a quick call to Pence if he’s not already there, then tell the staff (save the doctor) to leave, then administer the sedative. Hopefully, by the time he wakes up, it’s all over. Or, failing that, he’s been deemed medically unfit for office. Although, in that last case, they might rule it temporary.
So, along with the resignation, in both the speech and on paper, be sure to include a line confessing to the sexual assaults he’s already (allegedly) committed, soliciting Russian interference in he 2016 election, and Ukrainian interference in he 2020 election. No need to resort to new crimes: he’s already done enough already. The spelling and grammar don’t have to be perfect, but they must be down on paper and read off quick, obviously.
I’m a bit squicked out by the suggestions that he rape and/or murder someone. I know no one is actually getting raped or murdered in these hypotheticals but still - ew.
I rather like MEBuckner’s suggestion - an “inadvertent” admission that he’s conning his followers and committing crimes (which has the advantage of being true) would definitely put a dent in his followers’ zeal, although a significant percentage would still insist he’d been hacked. Which, I suppose, he had been.
Piss on a bible in front of the press corp. I’d say wack off on it, but Viagra takes at least half an hour and he probably needs a lot of it. …But in either case, I’d have to handle his dick!<shudder>.
Get a blowjob from an intern and lie about it under oath. (Yeah, right).
Run around naked in front of the press corp while babbling stuff like “Putin is the one true god.”
:rolleyes:
Given the constraints given by the OP, where any “orders” or “resignations” given will be revoked in (checks title) 5 minutes, one will need to do something shocking, disgusting, and on-camera to generate the results the OP requests. Given his propensity for sexual assault, why not give an on-camera demonstration?
I mean, I could’ve answered “shoot someone”, but 5 minutes doesn’t give me much time to travel to 5th Ave.
Yes, you have access to his (shudder) innermost secrets.
At least you’d swing a few over this way. I mean, some significant percentage of Trump supporters don’t believe that Trump asked the Ukrainians to investigate Biden even though there is damning truth that has been independently verified, so you wouldn’t get the majority.
That’s why I put the “no morally bankrupt” clause in there. There are certainly things he could do, but nuking/raping/murdering is not something that I would condone to get Trump out of office.
This. His supporters will never turn no matter what he says and does, because they don’t worship Meat Trump. They worship Concept Trump. And they already have plenty of replacements in stock. But at least he’d be out of office (once the cleaning crew were done).
True, but I don’t think there is much one can do “morally” which would get Trump out of office in a mere 5 minutes. Any orders, declarations, signatures, etc, you make will be invalid in 10 minutes as he comes back to and returns to his “normal” self.
However, I did not see that constraint, to my eventual embarrassment. Mea culpa. The Librarian, you are correct.
So, with that, I like the “confess to being possessed by a demon” idea. 5 minutes of a completely different different Donald Trump, totally lucid, apologizing for the past 20 years saying “I have been possessed since 1999 and this is the first time I can speak. Let me rush before he takes over again, as I know he will…” That could work. But I don’t know if it will be enough. His base needs something visceral.
I don’t think 5 minutes gives me enough time to process, much less prioritize, the legal confessions I would need to make (and I would just refute my confession 5 minutes later) - I don’t even think I could get, say, Adam Schiff on the phone in 5 minutes, to be honest. Hell, it might take my frazzled and frightened staff 5 minutes just to find the man’s phone number. (“You think it’s on the web?”)
Stand in the middle of 5th Avenue and shoot somebody.
I was thinking self-castration.
I’d kill myself. No way I could survive five minutes as that asshole.
A runaway train is racing down the tracks and will certainly kill three people …
… unless you throw a switch. That would kill a different person instead, but only one. Do you throw the switch?