I don’t think that captures the absurdist intent of this thread. It could actually happen.
Then I give up. There isn’t any way I could come up with anything more absurd than current news.
Poe’s law is absolutely running amok isn’t it.
That’s the trick. As Robert Heinlein once said, you don’t write a new story, you just file the serial numbers off an older story.
Take almost any story of Russian “efforts” in Ukraine, then slap a Zeroes framing story on top of it.
In their most dangerous mission yet, the Zeroes are assigned to infiltrate a crack Russian unit and gather as much information and sow as much dissension as possible before being caught. Much to their surprise they find themselves in a convoy on its way to occupy Rostov on Don. Suddenly the commander flees to Belarus.
Once again, Sergiy insists that he and his commandos had nothing to do with it, and once again Zelenskyy chides him for not discussing the brilliant strategy they used.
This is brilliant.
We need to somehow work in the destroyed dam and the emptying reservoir.
Maybe not about the Russians accidentally destroying the dam when they were only trying to put a small hole in it—that is still damaging Ukraine rather than a Russian self-own. But later the Team is trying to cross the newly-revealed land and the Russians try to stop them and accidentally disable the Crimean Canal?
Of course, it’s sponsored by ZelenskyO’s — the Cereal of Heroes!
With our heroes tasked to take on the spetsnaz, they get a little help. (Second video)
Thanks @Walken_After_Midnight
I saw that video, and was so gobsmacked I didn’t even think of this thread!
Hmm. I could re-purpose an old urban legend I heard about the “Front towards enemy” label on US claymore mines.
The Zeroes are trying to explain how an entire mortar platoon took themselves out of the fight the very first time they fired their weapons.
“The Russians saw “Pointy end towards enemy” printed on the mortar rounds, and thinking, “No one is stupid enough to need such a label on their equipment, it must be there to fool stupid Ukrainians into firing their mortars backwards!”, proceeded to drop their rounds into the mortar tubes pointy-end first.”
What urban legend? That’s what it says.
The urban legend was about some Viet Cong soldiers capturing a supply of US claymores, and thinking, “No one is that stupid…” figured it was a ruse. So when they tested the mines, they put them the other way 'round, and blew themselves to smithereens.
Almost certainly never happened, but it makes a good story!
And the Russian exemplifies exactly why some people need labels.
Ah.
Thank you. I don’t think I’d ever heard that one.
The heroes are sent on a mission to find the location of a hidden Russian artillery site. While they are heading in the general direction, a group of the Russians from the site are on their weekly looting excursions in the local towns. They come across a military surplus store. Tired of wearing their dirty, shoddy, Russian-issued uniforms, they decide to change into the nice, new uniforms from the store. However, they don’t realize that they are Ukrainian uniforms. As they are heading back to their unit, a Russian drone spots the men and, thinking that they are Ukrainians, orders a strike on them from the hidden Russian artillery site our heroes are trying to find. The Russian artillery takes out all the men. A nearby Ukrainian unit is alerted of the strike and is able to pinpoint the location of the Russians. The Ukrainians order an immediate strike and the previously hidden Russian artillery unit is completely wiped out. The heroes are once again lauded for their excellence and bravery while they try to convince everyone that they had nothing to do with it.
Darn! It’s already been done:
https://www.reddit.com/r/ukraine/comments/15k6rsy/51_less_russians_because_they_changed_into/
In the new Season of Zelenskyy’s Zeroes, they celebrate the great success they’ve been having with a new series of Ukrainian weapons, that exploit the one weakness the Russian designers never considered: Falling debris.
In one scene , the Russians keep pressing the button to launch cruise missiles to take out a Ukrainian hospital and they cannot figure out why the missiles won’t launch. Cut to the bathroom where the empty urinals keep flushing.